To find it hard to care about men's issues

[Parsleyforme]

Men's cancer, diseases and suicide I do care about, but I am really struggling to care about the other modern problems of modern men.

My brother says that the modern men of today are very confused about who they should be and how they should act and that is giving them all identity crises and/or midlife crises, depending on their ages. Things like they get told that men as a whole are bad, they don't know who they are as a man anymore, they don't know how much they should show their feelings, they feel guilt even if they're a good man, they don't know what they're supposed to bring to relationships anymore etc. etc.

I'm finding it quite hard work enough to be a woman without having to worry about or really hear about men's issues as well. And I'm actually quite frustrated that I'm being expected to provide a understanding and sympathetic ear. I went to a girl's school and when I left Barbieland I had to pretty quickly catch on that lotss of men are creeps and women aren't actually at the top of any industry or even their own relationships. It actually angers me a bit that I'm expected to feel something for the men who are feeling unsettled when all we've really managed is to get them to stop wolf-whistling at us or sacking us if we get pregnant.

AIBU to feel like this? WIBU to say I don't really have the bandwidth (read:patience) for this and maybe he should talk to some men who can empathise rather than a woman?

When my own DP with two daughters starts giving a toss about the issues that affect women and girls I might care but I’m now 57 and have yet to really know a good decent man in my time on this earth.
I bloody hope this changes.

When a man comes up to me when I’m working and needs assistance, I have noticed that I care - looking into a human being’s eyes, I care equally about his needs as a woman who comes up needing my help.
but men on the internet, random men who have sad stories about how they feel they can’t harass women anymore? I don’t give a shit about them.
I am, in fact, absolutely enraged that women’s health is only newly being studied, and everything is based on men (psychological studies, medical studies..)

i am so angry about how women have been treated that I have sworn off dating men, and am very careful to not take on extra emotional labor. I’m absolutely done with men, and I’m Hetero and ok with a celibate life from now on.

and yet, a young male coworker had nowhere to go for the holiday, so i invited him to have dinner with my family. Just a kid, really. I have male friends, and I care about their well being.

so YANBU, and I guess when we know someone, it doesn’t matter, really, if they happen to be a man.

I don’t really care about men’s issues. I care about my dad who is brilliant and always has been. I have no brothers or sons. I have some lovely nephews but suspect one won’t be the best partner, I have an uncle who’s been violent to his wife in the past and a grandfather I loved that turned out to have been not so nice ( all came out after his death ) I’m heterosexual and been single for 7 years ( no desire to change that) after a previous partner cheated, one had dreadful personal hygiene and a narcissistic abusive ex husband. I’ve never been
more happy that DD disclosed recently she is gay.

Yes I am, it’s up to you how you feel.

It's okay for you not to care about men's issues - as long as you are okay with them not caring about women's issues.

I rather think the world would be in a better state if both cared about each other's problems.

its not unique to men. Care about your sons all you like but by saying what you said it makes it look like ONLY men struggle with suicidal ideation and it’s not true. More women than men attempt suicide but you’re the second poster to effectively try and sweep that under the rug. Women aren’t allowed to talk about it because it makes men look less important and we can’t have that, can we?

Their heads will really explode when AI wipes out all their work opportunities then! Even more women will be murdered then!

There are some very angry women on this thread. Empathy is a two way street.

I agree-it would be better if we all cared about each other’s issues. However, we have years of evidence to show that men (as a class-of course there are individuals who think differently) do not care about women’s issues. So women are naturally wary.

Yes, there are some angry women on this thread. Do you have any idea why they are angry?

They say that AI is coming for the jobs in the knowledge economy. And I've heard statistics like the world needs a squillion more electricians, binmen, builders and plumbers.

Basically all the jobs women have succeeded in and allowed us to move into equal footing with men... are going to disappear.

And all the jobs men are good at - actually making things using hard, heavy work etc. are have a resurgence. So there's hope for the poor dears yet!

Seriously though, there are definitely a few things I worry about and do acknowledge might make it hard for a young man to navigate this world, but (a) they pale into insignificance compared to what women have put up with for literally millennia (and still do in many parts of the world), and (b) I still think - and have done my best to teach my son - that it's not that hard to be a good man.

Work hard, apply yourself, face challenge head on, learn from your mistakes, have hobbies and interests (that preferably involve fixing or making things!), respect women, avoid vice... basically the same things that have always made masculinity great. And when it comes to finding a mate, well these are the things women find attractive in men and they haven't changed.

With respect that’s a ridiculous statement.

im a male firstly. Andy’s man club was set up to deal with the issue of male suicide.

I don’t want to give too much away here. The local group to me stemmed out of the death of a young man in his early thirties who committed suicide. It broke how social circle and family. The charity are trying to save lives

I agree with you OP. From a practical standpoint though I don't think that having a war of the sexes is useful and making people pay reparations for their bad behaviour never, ever, works to make them stop it. Especially if they are physically stronger than you.

I agree some of the comments here are vicious.

I don’t buy the whole men are feeling guilty because women are making them feel guilty. If they actually felt bad you’d see a massive uptick in men doing more for their kids, doing their bit at home, taking parental leave, being more civilised towards women etc.

I do think some men are struggling with their place in the world and how to be a decent man but I think thats a man problem as well. With the number of men who are a bit shit or just ditched their children men don’t have as many examples of what being a decent normal man is like as a role model. Thats mens fault not women.

I do think as a society we should care about things like male suicide rates, I’ve tried to kill myself a few times and that despair is very human. But I think this is something that men need to be involved in fixing.

Are you angry about mren in history or men now?

Why is he your DP?

I think this is the problem..women choose the worst men and then think that their sex is what makes them bad and that all men are like the awful man you chose. You then think is is justified to fail to show humanity and compassion towards any of that sex because you hitched yourself to awful men. It is incel like behaviour.

If you have been so harmed that you can no longer feel human emotions towards other people, you need to be kept away from others and in therapy. You shouldnt be having relationships and definitely not raising or educating boys. You are a danger to them.

That sounds like you are saying that men are really suicidal, so they follow through. Whereas women tend to use techniques that they know likely wont kill them but will let everyone know they tried. It almost sounds manipulative.

Yep.
Intel and hate against women is an issue.

The bit I dont get is the bar is SO low you dont have to do much to be WAY better than your peers which confers an ENORMOUS advantage in the game of life.

When i was mids 30s and single on OLD it was so disheartening as I was financially success funny / outgoing but am average looking and overweight - my "peers" were highly educated financially solvent funny kind vivacious women who were also super fit physically and generally very groomed and beautiful vs me...
And then we look left at the 30+ single men cohort 😒

I was looking at the absolutely lame and inadequate men these women (& i) were dating and thought what the point unless i want a total mismatch / to carry someone through life ...also they'd supremely high calibre women are clearly going to make it harder for me.
and by that I mean they were lazy, selfish babies some had a lot of sex dysfunction and half of whom were living at home.... its not like i only wanted to date a guy who was 6ft in finance (i cant think of anything worse tbh) just a normal nice guy.
(I got creative and found a nice one who eventually became DH)

It's easy to see the evidence so many women nowadays are devestated to be having a little boy. It seems more predominant in middle clased white women than anyone else. We need to intervene before it harms more little boys. Being raised by a mother who detests you because of your sex is more likely to make you a dangerous, violent person than anything else.

Caring about men's issues means looking at the causes. Which for me can be pretty much summarised as capitalism and patriarchy.
Men struggle when they feel inadequate. In our society inadequacy arises from not succeeding against society's yardstick (wealth). This is why financial issues are a leading cause of male suicide.
Men struggle when they are exploited by an expectation they will work beyond their capacity by wealthier and more powerful men. This is why work pressure is a leading cause of male suicide.
Men struggle because poor mental health or emotional issues are seen as weak. Instead of seeking help they self medicate with drugs and alcohol. This is the toxic masculinity that arises from patriarchy, and why leading causes of male suicide are untreated mental illness and substance use.
Unless men face up to the fact its the twin pillars of the society they created and they wanted that mean so many are now failing to thrive, they will never help themselves. They will just go on implying its the progress women have made that's the cause, because its easier than facing that male led society got it wrong.

If it’s easy to see the evidence that mothers detest their sons then it will be easy for you to share it. Looking forward to seeing it.

YABU. I don't see the world in such simple terms, partly because I am half black. It isn't as simple as 'men are opressors and women are opressed'. Not by a long way and I am tired of people saying that it is, both on here and elsewhere.

Oh search gender disappointment on here. Its a known issue that has morphed from women generally wanting boys (first at least), to them now being devstated that they are having one. Really, really worrying.

Absolutely.