Page 13 | We’ve hurt the birthday boy’s feelings?

Mydonkeyisred · 10/01/2026 20:05

One year we had a girls only party for dd. One of the mums from class text upset that her son hasn't been invited to the party I tried to explain that only girls had been invited and she blocked me and never spoke to me at the school again.
Some people are just strange.

MNLurker1345 · 10/01/2026 20:09

Oh come on, you are doing a key worker a much needed kindness and two fiends get a sleepover.

It is difficult, as PP has said the boys are talking in the playground.

My 6 year old DGS would most probably have a problem with this were he in this situation, but I would trust my DD to talk to him in order to get him to understand some of
life's little complexities.

NautilusLionfish · 10/01/2026 20:10

There are times am convinced am insane. Then I read something like this @sidneytweeney and I rip my clothes, run down the streets screaming, am sane! Am sane! Am definitely not insane!

HopeForTheBest · 10/01/2026 20:18

I have been guilty of doing exactly what OP has done, to help out a single mum (DS's best friend's mum) who doesn't drive, except that it was me who suggested the sleepover because I thought it would be fun for the boys. It never occured to me that this might be a faux pas as far as the birthday child was concerned - once the party is over, you're all free to do whatever you want, surely? If you want the birthday to feature a sleepover, then you have to arrange one. As a PP said, other kids might also be doing fun things after the party, how will the birthday boy (or rather, his mum) cope with that?

Theroadt · 10/01/2026 20:25

Nazzywish · 09/01/2026 08:54

Well if she's extended an invite to both your kids then it may be crossed wires. The birthday boy probably does feel sad about being left out of a sleepover by 2 of his friends he's close enough to invite to his party - and obviously neither she nor her child know the reason behind it being to help the other mum out. Guarantee the boys have been talking about it at school and birthday boy is a little bothered. So instead of making a big thing of it text her back and just explain clearly - sorry he feels left out, this is just because I'm helping x out whilst she's at work late and noone else to have x after the party so I've kindly stepped in to help'

This. At last, a kind response! Yes the mum is being most peculiar about it but she may be wound up already over something entirely unrelated.

NotThisShitAgain121 · 10/01/2026 20:38

She is a knobhead and it was babysitting to help a friend out not a sleepover for the fun of it. She is an AH. Avoid.

Flomingho · 10/01/2026 20:41

The sleepover has nothing to do with the birthday party. Both boys are still attending the party so it is a non-issue.

TheseWordsAreMine · 10/01/2026 20:41

It is rather non inclusive, you know what children are like these days. What about the birthday boys rights?

WowFantastic · 10/01/2026 20:43

User7565364 · 09/01/2026 11:25

The other mum is batshit for writing to you but there is something equally irksome about smug parents who love building up transactional friendships with other mums just so they can offload the children to each other. They bask in the superiority of being able to help others, balance work and kids, finding a "village", when it basically boils down to getting free childcare and not wanting to pay a babysitter. You can spot them a mile away, similar to the social climbing mums who prioritise having their kids in the right circles. The transactional mums immediately know which families they can latch onto to get free rides and nights off. Or they have shit partners who don't pull their weight so they target other mums for childcare favours.

Anyone can see that it's slightly poor form to plan something after a mutual friends birthday celebration. If an adult started a thread here saying two of her best friends are going on a spa break immediately after her birthday party, then there would be more discussion.

To be honest, it sounds like OP is being taken advantage of by the other mum. Yes, we know she's a nurse so let's give a round of applause for the NHS, but she would have had to work that night anyway. What was the plan with her son if there hadn't been a party? Was she still going to write to OP and ask her to take her kid because she needs to work? The party seemed like a good excuse to get a small foot in the door and then expand it to getting the entire night off without even having to drive her own kid anywhere.

This would all be hugely relevant if any of it was relevant at all.

The closest to relevant I can get is if those two adult friends going to the spa after their friend’s birthday party, wasn’t because their 75 year old mummies couldn’t look after them that night.

Sometimeswinning · 10/01/2026 20:51

I love birthday mums attitude personally. I would think the same as her but doubt I’d communicate it.

MrsJeanLuc · 10/01/2026 20:54

TheRealMagic · 09/01/2026 11:38

Exactly. If the kids were talking about it was presumably in an excited way, what they were going to do, etc. I'm not surprised the other 8 year old was sad about it (and he clearly was at least a bit fussed, as he told his mum). I don't think it was terrible or malicious or anything but it was the kind of social indelicacy that kids should be pulled up on, and I think OP would see that if it was her kid who was trying to have a chat in an online game while their two friends discussed a sleepover they weren't invited to.

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social indelicacy

What exactly are you on??? This is 8 year old boys we're talking about.

Hankunamatata · 10/01/2026 20:58

The insanity of this is crazy. My son is one of 3 friends who we have sleepovers. The other two tend sleep over more as don't have many siblings and more space. My dc doesnt give a hoot. He knows that's just the way things go

Supergirl1958 · 10/01/2026 21:06

Howwilliknow122 · 10/01/2026 19:57

Why did you feel the need to say that to her? Maybe she was just venting to you and all you had to do was nod and make understanding sounds. Your example by the way is not in anyway similar to ops story.

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She wasn’t venting to me. She put it on a Facebook post, like how dare this team have the audacity to sack the manager on her son’s birthday! My reply was basically ‘they didn’t know it was his birthday it’s not that deep.’

I didn’t once say it was similar btw!

Howwilliknow122 · 10/01/2026 21:17

Supergirl1958 · 10/01/2026 21:06

She wasn’t venting to me. She put it on a Facebook post, like how dare this team have the audacity to sack the manager on her son’s birthday! My reply was basically ‘they didn’t know it was his birthday it’s not that deep.’

I didn’t once say it was similar btw!

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You said you told her to grow up, that's not the same as its not that deep , and if you acknowledge your story is not the same, Im not sure why you mentioned it then 🤦🏻‍♀️

TheDenimPoet · 10/01/2026 21:30

sidneytweeney · 09/01/2026 08:48

all the boys in the class I think, plus others - it’s a big soft play thing

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In this case, yes, she's being crazy. If it was just the three of them I could almost understand, but not in this situation. It's absolutely none of her business which children you invite to your home.

Hattieandcake · 10/01/2026 21:45

Namechangerage · 09/01/2026 12:08

I agree that the other mum is batshit but is nobody finding it absolutely crazy that 8-year olds are chatting to each other online?!

Yes !! WTF

Supergirl1958 · 10/01/2026 21:56

Howwilliknow122 · 10/01/2026 21:17

You said you told her to grow up, that's not the same as its not that deep , and if you acknowledge your story is not the same, Im not sure why you mentioned it then 🤦🏻‍♀️

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Wow honestly! You’ve got a lot of time on your hands. There were several replies to her post…I basically told her to grow up because it’s true, not in those words exactly but the sentiment is the same. Your Saturday must be pretty boring if your picking on some random for exact words on a post on mumsnet! With your attitude, you should apply for the next series of traitors, I’m pretty sure you’d spot the traitors a mile off 🙄!
Whether I acknowledge the story is not the same is irrelevant…both anchor on a ruined birthday for a child, and both are clutching at straws! That’s my point, neither results in a ruined birthday for the child in question!

Mumtobabyhavoc · 10/01/2026 22:43

What about just saying, I'm babysitting Johnny for the night as his mum has to work night shift.

Donsyb · 10/01/2026 23:11

Imdunfer · 09/01/2026 09:03

Wow, huge lack of empathy on this thread for a small boy who doesn't want to spend an evening with "his extended family" and would have loved to be at the sleepover with his two friends instead.

Total lack of awareness by some posters that kids will say "nah, I'm not bothered" to their friends when they really are bothered but don't want to show it.

The mother could have handled it better but the lack of understanding of the little boy of many posters is a bit gobsmacking!

But that isn’t the OPs fault if the birthday boy doesn’t want to spend the night with extended family! That’s on birthday boys mum.

MayeJane4 · 11/01/2026 00:44

Tbh I even find the title of your thread a bit cold towards this young boy. Is it unimaginable how he might have ended up feeling left out? Not to say you have done anything wrong, but surely you can see how a child's perception and relaying of the story to their parent may be different from the reality.

Monty27 · 11/01/2026 00:48

If it's possible tell her he's very welcome to join.

Bearsaloud · 11/01/2026 01:05

TheNightingalesStarling · 09/01/2026 08:43

To clarify... is the Mum working when the boy is sleeping over?

Unintentionally you may led to birthday boy feeling left out if they've talked about it at school.

But he's already going to his family so has plans anyway and it's completely separate: if he feels left out as been talking at school, his mum should just explain to him that it's completely separate from his party and he has plans of his own anyway! She should not be questioning what other people's plans are, she's the adult here and it's her job to talk to her son

Bearsaloud · 11/01/2026 01:07

MNLurker1345 · 10/01/2026 20:09

Oh come on, you are doing a key worker a much needed kindness and two fiends get a sleepover.

It is difficult, as PP has said the boys are talking in the playground.

My 6 year old DGS would most probably have a problem with this were he in this situation, but I would trust my DD to talk to him in order to get him to understand some of
life's little complexities.

Exactly this - the mum should chat to her son as his feelings are completely valid, not question the other mother (ie the poster)

Bearsaloud · 11/01/2026 01:14

TheRealMagic · 09/01/2026 12:16

I don't think having the sleepover is rude. I think talking about it in front of the boy who isn't going is rude.

I agree that the birthday boy is suffering no harm, and that his mum should have just talked to him about it, not texted OP. Her saying the birthday was ruined was a total overreaction and unhelpful. But I'm not surprised that an 8 year old is a bit sad after his two friends talked about a fun thing they'd be doing together without him in front of him. I think the birthday party element is irrelevant - that's just always a rude thing to do.

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i don't think it's 'rude' as such - they are 8 year old children.

Daygloboo · 11/01/2026 02:06

sidneytweeney · 09/01/2026 08:39

So my son who is 8 has been invited to his friend’s birthday party next weekend. Another mum who I am friends with has asked me to take her son to the party too as she is working (he’s been invited.) I’ve agreed to do this and to help my friend out further, her son is going to be having a sleepover at mine in the night of the party. (Mum friend is a single parent, works as a nurse) The birthday boy is staying at his grandparents after his party in order to see extended family for his birthday. Birthday boy’s mum texted me this morning to say that I had disappointed birthday boy by organising a fun sleepover to which birthday boy can’t come. She said I had ‘taken the shine off his special day.’ Unless I’m missing a higher chunk of social awareness , this woman is batshit right?

Reminds me of the time i went to a swanky wedding. After the earlyish reception, when bride and groom had gone off on their honeymoon, a couple of very glamorous women invited me and my partner and a few other guests to a fancy nightclub. We had a great time. The bride found out about it some time later and apparently was furious . I mean, wtf, what possible business was it of hers.