We’ve hurt the birthday boy’s feelings?

[sidneytweeney]

So my son who is 8 has been invited to his friend’s birthday party next weekend. Another mum who I am friends with has asked me to take her son to the party too as she is working (he’s been invited.) I’ve agreed to do this and to help my friend out further, her son is going to be having a sleepover at mine in the night of the party. (Mum friend is a single parent, works as a nurse) The birthday boy is staying at his grandparents after his party in order to see extended family for his birthday. Birthday boy’s mum texted me this morning to say that I had disappointed birthday boy by organising a fun sleepover to which birthday boy can’t come. She said I had ‘taken the shine off his special day.’ Unless I’m missing a higher chunk of social awareness , this woman is batshit right?

They are probably jealous that you have all found each other and are each others support system. They don't see it as they have family support and are the luckier for it. Unless they have lived far from family and needed friends like you have, they won't get it.

I can see both points of view. What clearly is missing is someone saying this is not a fun sleepover, it’s childcare. Of course the birthday boy cannot be invited to everything and needs to learn to be disappointed but this is not the reason it is due to you doing another a mum a favour it just so happens it’s on his birthday. I think it would be kind to tell the mum, the reason for the sleepover is due to helping out with childcare. There family will understand the reasoning behind it, that there son hasn’t not been invited due to not being included but it’s a practical reasoning for the sleepover. She can then explain this to help so he doesn’t feel left out on purpose. His only 8. No one likes being left out at any age, plenty of posts on Mumsnet from adult women who normally receive kind advice.

I think it would be kind to tell the mum, the reason for the sleepover is due to helping out with childcare.
She already has, did you miss it?
But I don't see why a grown woman making a drama out of nothing needs 'being kind' to, TBH.

No.

Yassssssss, well said, OP

Anyone who disagrees with this is quite frankly unhinged

This. I was going to say something similar. For the sake of a little boy's feelings I text back that you never meant to leave him out, were just providing childcare. Also, you knew birthday boy was doing something else that night so never asked if he could also come to the sleepover.
I know it was never your intention but they have misunderstood the situation.

@Soashamed60 OP has messaged the mum

I missed the reply. At 9:30 this morning a message said she wasn’t replying.

Calm down. It was not a serious suggestion... 🙄

Personally I wouldn’t want to ‘justify’ the sleepover. I’d probably ignore her text or reply along the lines of ‘thanks for the info’.

Haven't read the whole thread yet, so apologies if any thing's changed - but this is the stand out for me. We all get disappointed sometimes. I actually found that one of the hardest things about parenting mine, it's awful to see, and you can't help. It's a horrible harsh life lesson, and is still horrible when you're an adult, but you know - resilience.

But so what even if she had? The rest of the world does not stop their lives because it's one child's birthday!

Yeah all the children should go home from the party, eat gruel ! Sleep in the snow while BB goes to a second, family, party. Anything else is obviously unfair on BB.

It is quite a weird thing to do - as if you are setting out to disappoint her son. Which you're obviously not. Yes the boys have probably discussed it together and birthday boy feels left out. I'd very nicely explain to the mom why the other child is staying over, ie in order to help out his mum. You could even say that birthday boy would be very welcome if he'd like to come if you're feeling hospitable.

Yeah we’ve got one of these, they don’t help their kids get on with others 😐

Can you ask if the bday boy would like to join in the sleepover too?

I took my daughter and 4 of her friends for a bday meal/activity when they were 12 and afterwards one if the parents offered to pick her daughter and 2 other friends up, they ended up having a sleepover, my daughter did feel upset at this and took the shine of her bday x

"Unintentionally you may led to birthday boy feeling left out if they've talked about it at school."

Really???

Ignore, that's actually crazy!

" oh don't cry wittle birthday boy. Mummy won't let sleepover boys spoil your special day."
I can see where JKRowling got entitled Dudley from

I fell out with a ‘friend’ once because she had said that a premier league team sacking their manager on her son’s birthday had ruined it and I basically told her to grow up!
The birthday boys mum is definitely batshit! Or hinting that you have him too, either way ridiculous!

The mother should have not said anything about it, obviously. But I do remember my dd being very upset when she had some friends to tea, and the father of one of them picked up his dd and one of the others-they were the last two to leave-and they went off excitedly talking about going to the cinema together. There was no reason they should have invited dd of course-but it would have been tactful to shut up about it!

What ???? Some people are just weird !!

OP, you've done it perfectly right. It most definitely ok for kids to be disappointed sometimes. I think a lot of kids are never told no hence why you are getting texts like this. I cant believe some of the responses either. You volunteered to be a nice friend so her kid can go to the party, save her some cash and the boys have a lovely day. I wouldn't dream of messaging someone about this.

Op can I say what a good friend you are helping this mum!!! You're doing such a nice thing!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️💎💎💎💎💎

Why did you feel the need to say that to her? Maybe she was just venting to you and all you had to do was nod and make understanding sounds. Your example by the way is not in anyway similar to ops story.