Page 11 | We’ve hurt the birthday boy’s feelings?

sidneytweeney · 2026-01-09T08:39:51+00:00

So my son who is 8 has been invited to his friend’s birthday party next weekend. Another mum who I am friends with has asked me to take her son to the party too as she is working (he’s been invited.) I’ve agreed to do this and to help my friend out further, her son is going to be having a sleepover at mine in the night of the party. (Mum friend is a single parent, works as a nurse) The birthday boy is staying at his grandparents after his party in order to see extended family for his birthday. Birthday boy’s mum texted me this morning to say that I had disappointed birthday boy by organising a fun sleepover to which birthday boy can’t come. She said I had ‘taken the shine off his special day.’ Unless I’m missing a higher chunk of social awareness , this woman is batshit right?

Conniebygaslight · 09/01/2026 14:48

She’s bloody bonkers OP and quite frankly so are some of the replies on here!
We had loads of parties for our kids over the years and people had sleepovers afterwards, it’s nobody else’s business. It would be very odd if you’d invited the birthday boy to stay at yours on his own birthday, and to suggest you shouldn’t have your friend’s boy is nothing short of outrageous, she should be bloody embarrassed.

Moontan · 09/01/2026 14:56

Kids are going to feel left out. They dont understand adult reasons

One time, my aunty looked after my three cousins overnight.

I cried all day at being left out

Now im older, i can see that my other aunt had asked for help with childcare

housethatbuiltme · 09/01/2026 14:58

I can't say I have ever known where other peoples kids are sleeping. Seems odd this even came up.

LittleBitofBread · 09/01/2026 14:59

User7565364 · 09/01/2026 11:25

The other mum is batshit for writing to you but there is something equally irksome about smug parents who love building up transactional friendships with other mums just so they can offload the children to each other. They bask in the superiority of being able to help others, balance work and kids, finding a "village", when it basically boils down to getting free childcare and not wanting to pay a babysitter. You can spot them a mile away, similar to the social climbing mums who prioritise having their kids in the right circles. The transactional mums immediately know which families they can latch onto to get free rides and nights off. Or they have shit partners who don't pull their weight so they target other mums for childcare favours.

Anyone can see that it's slightly poor form to plan something after a mutual friends birthday celebration. If an adult started a thread here saying two of her best friends are going on a spa break immediately after her birthday party, then there would be more discussion.

To be honest, it sounds like OP is being taken advantage of by the other mum. Yes, we know she's a nurse so let's give a round of applause for the NHS, but she would have had to work that night anyway. What was the plan with her son if there hadn't been a party? Was she still going to write to OP and ask her to take her kid because she needs to work? The party seemed like a good excuse to get a small foot in the door and then expand it to getting the entire night off without even having to drive her own kid anywhere.

Anyone can see that it's slightly poor form to plan something after a mutual friends birthday celebration. If an adult started a thread here saying two of her best friends are going on a spa break immediately after her birthday party, then there would be more discussion.
Don't be silly. A spa break is not at all like a kid staying over at a friend's for convenience/childcare reasons.

Lavenderandbrown · 09/01/2026 15:03

I have had to rely on neighbors to watch my dc when I worked late 3 to 1130 on weekends. My (also single parent )neighbor occasionally watched my dc from 6 pm to 1130 even when she didn’t have her own on a Sunday!

it’s very very nice of you to help out another Mum.

sugarapplelane · 09/01/2026 15:05

Lamentingalways · 09/01/2026 11:50

Yeah but 1 - it could have been avoided by asking your son not mention the sleepover to the birthday boy and 2 - it’s not okay for an adult to relish a child’s sadness (I can tell you are) or actively avoid trying to help them feel better about it (like when you said you weren’t responding).

Just take a moment to understand that you are saying it’s okay to feel disappoint or sadness on your birthday, when you’re 8.

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You’re batshit.
You have no bloody way of knowing that the Op is relishing the Birthday boys sadness. What an idiotic thing to say.
The Birthday boy is having a party and seeing family on his Birthday. He doesn’t need to go to a sleepover too. It’s good for children not to always have what they want. It turns them into decent adults.
Get over yourself with your idiotic post. You’re ridiculous

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 09/01/2026 15:08

LadyTangerine · 09/01/2026 13:48

'Anyone can see that it's slightly poor form to plan something after a mutual friends birthday celebration. If an adult started a thread here saying two of her best friends are going on a spa break immediately after her birthday party, then there would be more discussion'

Totally agree.

Do you really?

"I'm meeting two friends for a birthday lunch. I have to leave by 3pm as I'm spending the evening with my parents. They said earlier they're going to a spa together after the lunch, on my birthday. I'm really upset to be left out."

I can't see how 95% of the responses wouldn't be "get a grip" with a couple of self-obsessed nutters arguing that nobody should be allowed fun on the OP's birthday. Just like this thread.

SmileyMoonset · 09/01/2026 15:26

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 09/01/2026 15:08

Do you really?

"I'm meeting two friends for a birthday lunch. I have to leave by 3pm as I'm spending the evening with my parents. They said earlier they're going to a spa together after the lunch, on my birthday. I'm really upset to be left out."

I can't see how 95% of the responses wouldn't be "get a grip" with a couple of self-obsessed nutters arguing that nobody should be allowed fun on the OP's birthday. Just like this thread.

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The adult equivalent is probably more like:

Janet is celebrating her birthday with a night out on the town with 20 of her friends. Sarah lives in another city and will miss the best part of the evening if she has to get the last train home. I’ve invited her to stay at mine for the night to facilitate her attending Janet’s birthday. Janet now has the hump because we are going out for breakfast the next day even though she’s having a fancy birthday brunch with her DH.

Janet would be handed her head if she posted to complain on AIBU. She’d have to name change in shame.

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 09/01/2026 15:29

SmileyMoonset · 09/01/2026 15:26

The adult equivalent is probably more like:

Janet is celebrating her birthday with a night out on the town with 20 of her friends. Sarah lives in another city and will miss the best part of the evening if she has to get the last train home. I’ve invited her to stay at mine for the night to facilitate her attending Janet’s birthday. Janet now has the hump because we are going out for breakfast the next day even though she’s having a fancy birthday brunch with her DH.

Janet would be handed her head if she posted to complain on AIBU. She’d have to name change in shame.

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Yep, that also works. But I think the fact that the birthday boy can't attend the sleepover even if he wants to is pretty key to the mother's unreasonable in whinging.

TerrysNeapolitan · 09/01/2026 15:35

She is Mad as the March Hare OP! Hope the boys enjoy the party and sleepover! I am sure the birthday boy is not the slightest bothered sounds like a unhinged mother.

BlackSwan · 09/01/2026 15:54

Next up: your birthday present is just not good enough.

Sunshineandrainbows23 · 09/01/2026 16:00

Nazzywish · 09/01/2026 08:54

Well if she's extended an invite to both your kids then it may be crossed wires. The birthday boy probably does feel sad about being left out of a sleepover by 2 of his friends he's close enough to invite to his party - and obviously neither she nor her child know the reason behind it being to help the other mum out. Guarantee the boys have been talking about it at school and birthday boy is a little bothered. So instead of making a big thing of it text her back and just explain clearly - sorry he feels left out, this is just because I'm helping x out whilst she's at work late and noone else to have x after the party so I've kindly stepped in to help'

That was my feeling too ...

WilfredsPies · 09/01/2026 16:03

Yeah, she’s obviously being batshit about it, but I feel for her. If the kids have been talking about it, she could be feeling a little bit over sensitive and feeling like her child has been left out. We don’t always manage to keep these thoughts at bay when it’s our children, even if most of us manage to chase them away with common sense.

I think I’d try and be a bit kind here and work on the basis that she could be struggling and had just been unable to sit on her hands. I’d text her back and say that it wasn’t a fun sleepover, that you’re just babysitting as his mum is working, and that you knew that her son was staying the night with his grandparents so wouldn’t have been free, but that your DS is really looking forward to celebrating his special day with him.

And then mark her down as a mum who is a bit more high maintenance than you have the energy/time/inclination for.

Skybluepinky · 09/01/2026 16:03

def a member of playground mummy mafia.

silverwrath · 09/01/2026 16:04

Oh yeah. She's positively cray cray. 😜

I wouldn't give it another thought tbh.

Whosthetabbynow · 09/01/2026 16:07

The old school kiddy party bollocks. Makes you wonder how these people are bringing up well-balanced kids. Absolute nut job

rainbowsandraspberrygin · 09/01/2026 16:15

Out of interest - how old are they? Seems a strange mismatch between soft play party (assume younger) and chatting online (assume older)

rainbowsandraspberrygin · 09/01/2026 16:15

And yes she’s bonkers

AstonScrapingsNameChange · 09/01/2026 16:16

sidneytweeney · 09/01/2026 14:24

It’s a group video call on phones while they play Minecraft. It’s perfectly fine and it means I can work for a few hours while he’s occupied. I didn’t mean to say chatting online - that means something different. This is restricted to the boys in the group

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Its fine OP.

If they were physically all in the same room, no one would bat an eyelid.

Tryagain26 · 09/01/2026 16:17

TheRealMagic · 09/01/2026 12:42

OP said the three of them were having a conversation in an online game (which I think is surprising for 8 year olds, and isn't my experience of having one currently, but that's by the by) and the two going to the sleepover were talking about it, which the birthday boy told his mum, thus prompting the (unreasonable) text from her. It's in one of OP's updates. I don't think the OP's son and the othe boy have done anything terrible or anything - I do think it would be a good opportunity to just have a gentle chat about being thoughtful about other people's feelings. It isn't especially nice to start chatting about what you're going to do at a sleepover in front of a person not going to it and that's exactly what I'd say to my 8 year old if I found out that he'd done that.

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I thought she said the online conversation was after the mother had complained so after the child was already aware of the sleepover, and that he wasn't bothered about it anyway

AstonScrapingsNameChange · 09/01/2026 16:18

rainbowsandraspberrygin · 09/01/2026 16:15

Out of interest - how old are they? Seems a strange mismatch between soft play party (assume younger) and chatting online (assume older)

OP said they're 8, and we're on voice chat while playing roblox together.

Nothing nefarious.

NewYearSameYou · 09/01/2026 16:20

Imdunfer · 09/01/2026 09:03

Wow, huge lack of empathy on this thread for a small boy who doesn't want to spend an evening with "his extended family" and would have loved to be at the sleepover with his two friends instead.

Total lack of awareness by some posters that kids will say "nah, I'm not bothered" to their friends when they really are bothered but don't want to show it.

The mother could have handled it better but the lack of understanding of the little boy of many posters is a bit gobsmacking!

Nope

NewYearSameYou · 09/01/2026 16:26

User7565364 · 09/01/2026 11:25

The other mum is batshit for writing to you but there is something equally irksome about smug parents who love building up transactional friendships with other mums just so they can offload the children to each other. They bask in the superiority of being able to help others, balance work and kids, finding a "village", when it basically boils down to getting free childcare and not wanting to pay a babysitter. You can spot them a mile away, similar to the social climbing mums who prioritise having their kids in the right circles. The transactional mums immediately know which families they can latch onto to get free rides and nights off. Or they have shit partners who don't pull their weight so they target other mums for childcare favours.

Anyone can see that it's slightly poor form to plan something after a mutual friends birthday celebration. If an adult started a thread here saying two of her best friends are going on a spa break immediately after her birthday party, then there would be more discussion.

To be honest, it sounds like OP is being taken advantage of by the other mum. Yes, we know she's a nurse so let's give a round of applause for the NHS, but she would have had to work that night anyway. What was the plan with her son if there hadn't been a party? Was she still going to write to OP and ask her to take her kid because she needs to work? The party seemed like a good excuse to get a small foot in the door and then expand it to getting the entire night off without even having to drive her own kid anywhere.

You sound jealous and bitter and ridiculous

chattyness · 09/01/2026 16:47

She sounds very entitled, the birthday boy himself already had plans set for the evening so he's not been left out as he is already busy with a fun time ahead of him. You are babysitting, yes of course it will turn into a fun sleepover as they are pals, it's none of her business. WTF is she on?

Atmywitsend26 · 09/01/2026 17:04

Insane. If she was that bothered, why didn't she offer to host a sleepover with all the boys for his "special day".