My DH and I are fairly young to be married in our circle, we are 27 and 28, we have a 19 month old DS and are generally quite happy.
3 years ago we moved back to the UK from his home country, various things played into this but ultimately in his home country the job market isn’t great and roles for young professionals are limited and taken up by the older population, this makes career growth difficult, even if the cost of living itself is slightly better. It was a difficult choice and not one DH was fully on board with but has now admitted was the right call.
He quickly made friends from his home country, mainly has his younger sisters childhood best friend is living here too. He is friendly with his work colleagues and does go for drinks with them but he’s made little effort to fully integrate and make friends outside of the diaspora from his country. I won’t generalise but it seems most of his friends are similar.
They have a routine of once a month meeting up and having a meal, there are 2 couples, then one other girl who is in a relationship but with a Brit. I seldom get invited, other than If it’s our turn to host (about once every 4 months we host, or it’s a big event like their Christmas meal). His reasoning is that although I speak the language, I don’t always understand the inside jokes or have the shared experience of growing up in the country. I appreciate this.
However I know that the girl whose boyfriend is British invites him basically every other month, he hardly speaks the language (I’ve met him). It makes me feel as though DH just doesn’t actually want me to be there. I’ve spoke to him about this and his reasoning was basically 1. I don’t get the cultural stuff and 2. he thinks I don’t like his friends and can sense that I don’t?? I asked him to explain point 2 and he effectively said as 4/6 of them immigrated whilst we were still in the EU and work in hospitality or beauty/personal care industry he feels like I look down on them. Most of my friends work in corporate roles but I certainly don’t look down on anyone who works in any other industry.
The issue I have is these friends clearly matter to him and I feel I barely know him and I’m often the only partner left out. He goes straight from work and is out until the early hours and inevitably when we do host I feel like a spare part just looking after everyone.
AIBU to be annoyed by this routine?