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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not become Mrs Celebrity Name?

299 replies

SummerFate · 08/01/2026 17:27

I’m getting married later this year and had always assumed I’d take my husband’s name. I’ve never been particularly attached to my maiden name (divorced parents) and I’d like to have the same surname as my kids, which my mother doesn’t have.

However, if I do do this, I’ll have the same name as a celebrity. It’s not an A lister where it would be remarked on all the time, and it will still be a fairly ordinary name. (Think someone like Kaye Adams for the level of fame and ordinariness of name.) But it’s someone well known enough that I’ll definitely get “Ooh, I didn’t recognise you! You look taller on the telly” type jokes that I can do without. So I figure it’s just easier to keep my maiden name.

However, my fiancé has taken exception to this. He’s taking it personally and says I’m being daft: he said he’d understand me not wanting to be called Helen Mirren or Nicole Kidman, but that I’ll still have an ordinary name and that this celeb may be forgotten in a few years anyway.

I do get what he means, but he’s not the one who’ll be asked “Ooh, like the actress?” every time he gives his full name. I’ve also pointed out that a lot of women don’t change their name regardless, so he could have been marrying someone who never had any intention of being Mrs Name.

I’ve said we could double-barrel any children if that’s what he’s worried about, but he’s still complaining. AIBU?

OP posts:
MCF86 · 09/01/2026 19:39

You could always both change your names 🤷🏼‍♀️

billiongulls · 09/01/2026 19:40

I know not everyone agrees, but I think women taking men's names is old fashioned bollocks. If it wasn't about patriarchy then men would take women's names about half the time, but no, it's the women who change. Just don't change your name. There's absolute no need to. Give the kids your name, tell your dh to change his if he cares. Sorted.

billiongulls · 09/01/2026 19:41

billiongulls · 09/01/2026 19:40

I know not everyone agrees, but I think women taking men's names is old fashioned bollocks. If it wasn't about patriarchy then men would take women's names about half the time, but no, it's the women who change. Just don't change your name. There's absolute no need to. Give the kids your name, tell your dh to change his if he cares. Sorted.

And when I say old fashioned, I'm 61, so I mean really really old fashioned

Needmorelego · 09/01/2026 19:42

Mrsnothingthanks · 09/01/2026 19:07

@Vole3 As in they both have exactly the same name?!!!

Well I expect technically one is Alexander and one is Alexandra 🤔

joyava · 09/01/2026 19:49

My married name is the same as a former soap star. No one in my family/friend group has ever mentioned it. However, when she has appeared on TV shows, I have received some odd messages on social media from fans.

Redpeach · 09/01/2026 19:51

billiongulls · 09/01/2026 19:40

I know not everyone agrees, but I think women taking men's names is old fashioned bollocks. If it wasn't about patriarchy then men would take women's names about half the time, but no, it's the women who change. Just don't change your name. There's absolute no need to. Give the kids your name, tell your dh to change his if he cares. Sorted.

Your dads name or your partners

billiongulls · 09/01/2026 19:55

Redpeach · 09/01/2026 19:51

Your dads name or your partners

Your birth name is the only name you have, due to patriarchy, generally the man's. I'm not changing it to my "mistress of partner" on the grounds that my birth name came from a man, so why keep it, change it to whatever man owns you now

Mum182838 · 09/01/2026 20:00

Just stick with your maiden name - you can always change it later if you really want to but you’ll find it really doesn’t matter.

If I’d changed my name I would have had the same name as a questionable actor - I doubt anyone would have recognised it as it was quite a generic name but the actor was the first thing that came up on google! I would have rather kept my name and publications that went with it! I told DH changing was out of the question and he agreed.

Our kids are double-barrelled and we are both open to changing our names to match our kids.

We explored taking a completely new name but DH’s family were so offended that DH backed out. But a decade on, it would not have made an iota of difference to them or their friends or whoever. The only time they ever use it is on Christmas cards.

Just give your partner time to get used to it.

Mum182838 · 09/01/2026 20:03

I also got engaged around the same time I read The Handmaid’s Tale - I was so horrified when I properly understood that taking your husband’s name was continuing the tradition of “ownership” so I chose not to.

Vole3 · 09/01/2026 20:03

Mrsnothingthanks · 09/01/2026 19:07

@Vole3 As in they both have exactly the same name?!!!

Alexandra married Alexander

SerafinasGoose · 09/01/2026 20:06

Redpeach · 09/01/2026 19:51

Your dads name or your partners

Your own.

JustMeAndTheFish · 09/01/2026 20:07

Why would you change your name for a man anyway??

Lifealwaysgetsbetter · 09/01/2026 20:09

SummerFate · 08/01/2026 17:27

I’m getting married later this year and had always assumed I’d take my husband’s name. I’ve never been particularly attached to my maiden name (divorced parents) and I’d like to have the same surname as my kids, which my mother doesn’t have.

However, if I do do this, I’ll have the same name as a celebrity. It’s not an A lister where it would be remarked on all the time, and it will still be a fairly ordinary name. (Think someone like Kaye Adams for the level of fame and ordinariness of name.) But it’s someone well known enough that I’ll definitely get “Ooh, I didn’t recognise you! You look taller on the telly” type jokes that I can do without. So I figure it’s just easier to keep my maiden name.

However, my fiancé has taken exception to this. He’s taking it personally and says I’m being daft: he said he’d understand me not wanting to be called Helen Mirren or Nicole Kidman, but that I’ll still have an ordinary name and that this celeb may be forgotten in a few years anyway.

I do get what he means, but he’s not the one who’ll be asked “Ooh, like the actress?” every time he gives his full name. I’ve also pointed out that a lot of women don’t change their name regardless, so he could have been marrying someone who never had any intention of being Mrs Name.

I’ve said we could double-barrel any children if that’s what he’s worried about, but he’s still complaining. AIBU?

Ask him to take your name if he wants you to have the same name. It’s 2026 and you’re not owned by him. I’ve seen 3 female doctors get married this year and they’ve been introduced as Mr & Mrs… I want to do a PhD and get married purely to be introduced as Dr and Mr…

Mrsnothingthanks · 09/01/2026 20:10

@Vole3 So she wanted to have almost the same name as her husband? Seems crazy to me!

Marble10 · 09/01/2026 20:22

YABU. There’s too many names to be taken up by 1 celebrity.
I work with a Tina Turner and it never crossed my mind to associate her with the singer until someone else said it, years after knowing her.

Cheese55 · 09/01/2026 20:37

Mum182838 · 09/01/2026 20:03

I also got engaged around the same time I read The Handmaid’s Tale - I was so horrified when I properly understood that taking your husband’s name was continuing the tradition of “ownership” so I chose not to.

What did you think the male (sometimes dad) 'giving away' bit at the ceremony was?. Father gives his property to the husband to become his property hence her name becomes his. This is why you are meant to ask the dad if you can marry his property. Then you have to obey new husband etc etc. At least they have got rid of the obey bit but 'giving away' still happens

BunnyLake · 09/01/2026 20:38

FuckRealityBringMeABook · 09/01/2026 16:54

I think you probably have to be of a certain age!

Or a fan of Classic Corrie. 😁

Needmorelego · 09/01/2026 20:47

Mrsnothingthanks · 09/01/2026 20:10

@Vole3 So she wanted to have almost the same name as her husband? Seems crazy to me!

My aunt and uncle have the same name (it has male/female different spelling but the same name).
They've been married approximately 60 years and as far as I know it's not caused any problems.

Cherrytree86 · 09/01/2026 20:56

Just double barrel so you both take on each others name is the obvious answer @SummerFate

PerspicaciaTick · 09/01/2026 21:06

I don't think you should feel obligated to change your name.
I have a couple of thoughts about celebrity names.

  1. I share a surname with an A-lister - it is excellent smoke and mirrors as any search for me online disappears under a deluge of matches for the famous person.
  2. I work with someone called Kay Adams and have never, until tonight realised that she had a famous name - never crossed my mind for a moment.
Serenesage · 09/01/2026 21:08

I didn’t change my surname. Our children have our names double barrelled. It’s my identity, my name all my life, why would I change it? Husband agrees. I think you should smash the patriarchy! Go with your gut!

Mum182838 · 09/01/2026 21:11

Cheese55 · 09/01/2026 20:37

What did you think the male (sometimes dad) 'giving away' bit at the ceremony was?. Father gives his property to the husband to become his property hence her name becomes his. This is why you are meant to ask the dad if you can marry his property. Then you have to obey new husband etc etc. At least they have got rid of the obey bit but 'giving away' still happens

I hadn’t properly thought about it - I was quite young - but of course it’s obvious. We didn’t do any of those things. I expect if more women thought it through that they wouldn’t feel so bound to following “tradition”.

cramptramp · 09/01/2026 21:33

You’ve got nothing to worry about if it is someone as famous as Kay Adams. I have no idea who she is.

SummerFate · 09/01/2026 21:43

Cheese55 · 09/01/2026 17:12

Gay men tend to double barrel i notice. Probably due to neither wanting to give up their name. Yet they expect women to.

I doubt gay men are that bothered by whether women change their names on marriage 😄

OP posts:
Cheese55 · 09/01/2026 21:45

SummerFate · 09/01/2026 21:43

I doubt gay men are that bothered by whether women change their names on marriage 😄

I bet they would expect their straight sister / friend/ cousin to if she got married lol

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