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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not become Mrs Celebrity Name?

299 replies

SummerFate · 08/01/2026 17:27

I’m getting married later this year and had always assumed I’d take my husband’s name. I’ve never been particularly attached to my maiden name (divorced parents) and I’d like to have the same surname as my kids, which my mother doesn’t have.

However, if I do do this, I’ll have the same name as a celebrity. It’s not an A lister where it would be remarked on all the time, and it will still be a fairly ordinary name. (Think someone like Kaye Adams for the level of fame and ordinariness of name.) But it’s someone well known enough that I’ll definitely get “Ooh, I didn’t recognise you! You look taller on the telly” type jokes that I can do without. So I figure it’s just easier to keep my maiden name.

However, my fiancé has taken exception to this. He’s taking it personally and says I’m being daft: he said he’d understand me not wanting to be called Helen Mirren or Nicole Kidman, but that I’ll still have an ordinary name and that this celeb may be forgotten in a few years anyway.

I do get what he means, but he’s not the one who’ll be asked “Ooh, like the actress?” every time he gives his full name. I’ve also pointed out that a lot of women don’t change their name regardless, so he could have been marrying someone who never had any intention of being Mrs Name.

I’ve said we could double-barrel any children if that’s what he’s worried about, but he’s still complaining. AIBU?

OP posts:
ByWarmShark · 09/01/2026 21:50

None of the gay men I know would, they're not really about traditional patriarchy at all.

Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar · 09/01/2026 22:34

JustMeAndTheFish · 09/01/2026 20:07

Why would you change your name for a man anyway??

Quite the assumption that everyone taking their husband's name is doing it "for the man". Women (and indeed men!) take their husbands name for all sorts of reasons.

Feminism is about CHOICE and a true feminist does not belittle or berate other women for their choices.

As a feminist I want women to feel they can follow the tradition of taking their husbands name if THEY WANT TO, just as much as I want women to feel they don't have to

And yes, I took my husband's name.

Mrsnothingthanks · 09/01/2026 22:40

@Cheese55 "Giving away" most definitely didn't happen at our wedding - hubby and I both walked down the aisle together. My lovely dad gave a beautiful reading. We also tailored our vows, I did a speech (why on earth would only men speak?!!), and I didn't have a bouquet toss (yuck!) Not one patriarchal tradition - it was great! 💪

Mrsnothingthanks · 09/01/2026 22:41

@Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar But you made a choice that upholds the patriarchy?

AgeingGreycefully · 09/01/2026 22:45

I know a few recently married couples who have both taken both names. So Miss Smith and Mr Jones have become Mr and Mrs Smith-Jones. The guys were really up for it, not just the girls. I thought that was brilliant. Sadly it wouldn’t work us as we’d end up sounding like a house building company! 😁

Mrsnothingthanks · 09/01/2026 22:47

@AgeingGreycefully Husband and I both db'd. We're Mr and Ms D-B. Definitely not Mrs.

AndresyFiorella · 09/01/2026 23:03

Redpeach · 09/01/2026 19:51

Your dads name or your partners

Why does your partner get his own name but yours belongs to your dad? (Because he's a man obvs). Applying the same rules to both sexes would mean you're choosing between your dad's name and your father-in-law's.

Bernardo1 · 09/01/2026 23:53

There are celebrities and real celebrities.

Either way, I really don't l see it as a problem, especially as you acknowledge hardly A listers

You don't wish to keep your maiden name, fair enough.
Double barrelling is super pretentious and will lead to more intrusive questioning

Somanylemons · 09/01/2026 23:58

I have a minor celebrity name (not married but I was called it before their fame) and there are some perks you haven’t considered.

small talk - boring and repetitive but atleast it’s easy and non awkward

restaurant bookings - I often get a great table

DollydaydreamTheThird · 10/01/2026 00:03

mumofoneAloneandwell · 08/01/2026 17:35

😂 girl omg yabvu

I don’t think anyone will care. Marry your man and take his name, unless you object for other reasons

Ewww posts like this make my stomach churn. Why do men get to decide about our names and our lives. Fuck that. OP keep your own name and your own heritage. You are not being unreasonable. It is YOUR name that YOU will have to say out loud every fucking day for the rest of if your life or until you divorce him.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 10/01/2026 00:09

DollydaydreamTheThird · 10/01/2026 00:03

Ewww posts like this make my stomach churn. Why do men get to decide about our names and our lives. Fuck that. OP keep your own name and your own heritage. You are not being unreasonable. It is YOUR name that YOU will have to say out loud every fucking day for the rest of if your life or until you divorce him.

This is a bit extreme

i said to marry the man and take his name unless she objects for other reasons (such as the patriarchy etc)

she is v unreasonable not to take it because people will think she is a celeb

also, tbh, a man who wants you to take his name and is proud to have you be mrs him isn’t a bad thing 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

a man who is indifferent to this would be concerning imo

Mrsnothingthanks · 10/01/2026 00:15

@mumofoneAloneandwell I wouldn't want to marry any man who was "proud" to have me as Mrs HisName - he doesn't own me!

DollydaydreamTheThird · 10/01/2026 00:17

mumofoneAloneandwell · 10/01/2026 00:09

This is a bit extreme

i said to marry the man and take his name unless she objects for other reasons (such as the patriarchy etc)

she is v unreasonable not to take it because people will think she is a celeb

also, tbh, a man who wants you to take his name and is proud to have you be mrs him isn’t a bad thing 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

a man who is indifferent to this would be concerning imo

Why should she take his name? Sorry but I disagree we aren't less than men so why are we the ones who have to make changes. Change our surname. Change our title. Why are there even different titles for women when men are Mr whether they are married or single? Its all about control and keeping us in our place as subservient and oh so desperate to be a Mrs. A man that won't accept his wife keeping her OWN name isn't worth having. I'd chuck him back as 'controlling'. Isn't that the phrase mumsnet is obsessed with? Isn't it a 'red flag'? Another phrase mumsnet is obsessed with. People need to wake up from these disneyfied princess gets married wet dreams that they have.
And yes I am PMTing to the maxx. 😂

mumofoneAloneandwell · 10/01/2026 00:18

Mrsnothingthanks · 10/01/2026 00:15

@mumofoneAloneandwell I wouldn't want to marry any man who was "proud" to have me as Mrs HisName - he doesn't own me!

I mean that’s okay 😂😂

I think I would though - I would like a man who will, not own me, but be very clear that I am his

dunno, the way I am wording it makes me sound like a trad wife, which I am not!! Just my life experience

MyDadWasAnArse · 10/01/2026 00:19

I've got the same name as a reasonably famous British actress and nobody has ever said anything to me ever!

mumofoneAloneandwell · 10/01/2026 00:19

DollydaydreamTheThird · 10/01/2026 00:17

Why should she take his name? Sorry but I disagree we aren't less than men so why are we the ones who have to make changes. Change our surname. Change our title. Why are there even different titles for women when men are Mr whether they are married or single? Its all about control and keeping us in our place as subservient and oh so desperate to be a Mrs. A man that won't accept his wife keeping her OWN name isn't worth having. I'd chuck him back as 'controlling'. Isn't that the phrase mumsnet is obsessed with? Isn't it a 'red flag'? Another phrase mumsnet is obsessed with. People need to wake up from these disneyfied princess gets married wet dreams that they have.
And yes I am PMTing to the maxx. 😂

😂😂😂😂 I think you are seeing my post through the pmt haze!!

fwiw! I used to be a big feminist and still insist on using the title Ms! I think I have softened with age

Mrsnothingthanks · 10/01/2026 00:21

@mumofoneAloneandwell I am not my husband's - I belong to no-one.

ClarafromHR · 10/01/2026 09:53

I’ve been married twice and didn’t take my husband’s surname either time. My second husband wasn’t bothered -this was 42 years ago - but his mum sure was. She always addressed cards to Mr and Mrs X. I didn’t really care too much but it was just another irritating thing she did.
Our surnames were too long to double barrel so we used my unusual surname as our sons’ middle names.

SerafinasGoose · 10/01/2026 10:00

DollydaydreamTheThird · 10/01/2026 00:03

Ewww posts like this make my stomach churn. Why do men get to decide about our names and our lives. Fuck that. OP keep your own name and your own heritage. You are not being unreasonable. It is YOUR name that YOU will have to say out loud every fucking day for the rest of if your life or until you divorce him.

At which time you will promptly be expected to hand back 'his' name, because it doesn't really belong to you. Your own family name is on loan to you by whichever man you happen to be associated with, and once that association is over then time's up on your borrowing rights.

I know my phrasing sounds that way, but this post isn't intended to come across as being sarcastic with your points, @DollydaydreamTheThird. It's an agreement you, and also an expression of frustration with this antediluvian, patrilineal naming system. Women are not cattle to be tagged.

The inevitable 'feminism is about choice' protestation has now also been made upthread. There is no one school of 'feminism'; it isn't a hive mind. Some areas of feminist thought are bitterly contested. And I contest the third-wave namby-pambyism that bangs on about choice as a key objective.

It isn't. Feminism is about dismantling structural patriarchal systems and casual sexism, about fighting gendered constructs, ensuring reproductive rights and giving women a chance to exist on an equal playing field as full humans and autonomous citizens. Choice is merely the consequence of the huge amount of work and sacrifice made by 20th century feminists. Without those efforts, the 'feminists' of now would be in no position to make mealy-mouthed criticisms of other women 'gatekeeping' feminism.

A choice is not a feminist choice simply because a woman made it.

BunnyLake · 10/01/2026 10:21

Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar · 09/01/2026 22:34

Quite the assumption that everyone taking their husband's name is doing it "for the man". Women (and indeed men!) take their husbands name for all sorts of reasons.

Feminism is about CHOICE and a true feminist does not belittle or berate other women for their choices.

As a feminist I want women to feel they can follow the tradition of taking their husbands name if THEY WANT TO, just as much as I want women to feel they don't have to

And yes, I took my husband's name.

Edited

There’s a certain irony in women on here telling other women they shouldn’t take a man’s name, not realising they are trying to control what other women do. Personally I don’t care one way or the other if women take the man’s name or not, sometimes they just have a nicer name. I wouldn’t change it for a worse name though (not changing Jones to Dick).

ClaireEclair · 10/01/2026 10:23

My mother has the same name as a very famous TV star. All that happens is people have a little chuckle and move on.

BunnyLake · 10/01/2026 12:49

ClaireEclair · 10/01/2026 10:23

My mother has the same name as a very famous TV star. All that happens is people have a little chuckle and move on.

I wish I was called Evangeline Lilly. Marilyn Monroe would certainly be a talking point.

billiongulls · 10/01/2026 14:17

Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar · 09/01/2026 22:34

Quite the assumption that everyone taking their husband's name is doing it "for the man". Women (and indeed men!) take their husbands name for all sorts of reasons.

Feminism is about CHOICE and a true feminist does not belittle or berate other women for their choices.

As a feminist I want women to feel they can follow the tradition of taking their husbands name if THEY WANT TO, just as much as I want women to feel they don't have to

And yes, I took my husband's name.

Edited

But why is it overwhelmingly women if it's not to do with gender? And sexism?

Aluna · 10/01/2026 14:49

billiongulls · 10/01/2026 14:17

But why is it overwhelmingly women if it's not to do with gender? And sexism?

Because we still live in a patriarchy.

Surname means the name of the “sire“.

One patrilineal name or another - what difference does it make?

Women have the choice of keeping a name passed to them by their father (or if their mother kept her unmarried name - by her father); or taking a name passed by their DH.

billiongulls · 10/01/2026 14:53

Aluna · 10/01/2026 14:49

Because we still live in a patriarchy.

Surname means the name of the “sire“.

One patrilineal name or another - what difference does it make?

Women have the choice of keeping a name passed to them by their father (or if their mother kept her unmarried name - by her father); or taking a name passed by their DH.

There is a difference. Men and women get a name at birth. Only women change to their spouses name at marriage (bar statistically tiny exceptions).

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