With all the love in the world, the problem here is you, not him.
If you believed that you only deserved to eat rotten rubbish from bins and that was how you fed yourself and then got repeatedly sick from it, whose fault is it that you got sick? Yours for eating the rotten crap or the rotten crap in the bin?
He is the human equivalent of rotten crap in the bin, that will make you ill. He cannot change or turn himself into something good for you, he is not capable of it. He doesn't even think he's doing anything wrong. In his perception he's just a 'normal bloke' wanting what he is entitled to, a woman who accepts his drugs and porn habits, welcomes hus wankibg videos, panders to him in every way, knows her place as a 'slag' and potential cheat who needs to be kept on a leash, unlike his dog, to have his dog without ever lifting a finger to manage its behaviour.
He is not a functioning adult. He is damaged, insecure and has addictions. He is incapable of change. He will only ever be with a woman who thinks so little of herself that she can't even tell that his god awful uselessness isn't her fault.
What does he bring to your life? Nothing. You don't even love him because you refuse to see him as he is. You couldn't love that abject abusive specimen. You love the idea of love, you love the rare nice bits, you love a fantasy.
When you work up the self respect to leave him, you will look back and you will see that this was not love. It's delusional, fantasy, eating rotten crap from the bin and telling yourself it is delicious.
It's all on you. You deserve better. Better would be being single and happy with your own company. That is where you need to get to. You need to not need a man. Not need to be in love. Not need someone else to be happy. All of this is in your control. You may need help in the form of counselling if you can possibly afford it. You must get to a place where you can see this relationship for what it is. Self-punishmet because on some level you think you deserve it.
You are also carrying your past trauma with you which is adding to the pain of this one. You seem to be equating your ex's cheating with this loser's porn use. You can't control other people's appetites for these things. If porn use is a red line for you, the only option is discontinuing the relationship. You may find that better men that him will feel obliged to lie about porn use in those circumstances.
In any normal relationship if you tell a man to not send you waking videos, that should be the end of it. The whole wanking stuff is deeply weird. There's an unhealthy obsession on both sides.
You have got to end this horrible disaster of a relationship and then work on yourself. You can only change yourself, not him. Never. He cannot change and he doesn't want to, as far as he is concerned there is nothing wrong with him.
Future you will regret every single day you throw your life away on him. Do her the beggist favour and giver her the best present imaginable, shut the lid on that bin and walk away forever. Then teach yourself to love yourself.