Have I ruined everything

[theheckisgoingon28]

Hi Im so sorry but this might be a long read. I just want too say everything so you all can see mayne why I feel the way I do.
been with boyfriend close too 2 and a half years. Severe issues with sex. For a good id say close to a year. I hate porn. It’s the worst thing to exist online in my opinion and I class it as cheating. Said all this at the start. When we had sex it would go on for hours with no end . After the first time I remember him saying ‘ I hope you ain’t one of them girls who thinks it’s because of them’ i said no but I did feel that way. Months went by still the same apart from the odd occasion. Now when he finished I felt so relieved. Didnt hate myself or feel disgusted with myself thinking it was me. Just to find out that so me how he had put porn on his phone with out me knowing and was watching it when we were doing it . To say iv never been so sad woth every aspect of my self is an understatement.
he said it’s because he didn’t feel like a man . But he would then watch it as soon as I left for work . So still no finshing but would send me videos when I got to work of him wanking and then phoning me after saying how much of a good wank he had ect. Honestly to this day it’s give me severe anxiety. He had a porn addiction and wanking addiction . To this day he says he hasn’t watched it since but I have found stuff on his phone so I know hes lying but he will flip out and then I think it’s all in my head .
so now I have anxiety everytime I leave his house , everytime I go to work in the morning . It’s so pathetic . Iv never experienced anything like this in my life . This morning we started doing it and he couldn’t continue because his back was hurting him. Fair enough . I got up got dressed and went to leave when he grabbed my arm and said I will not be wanking when you go to work and said it a few times . I said ok and left . On the way to work he sent me a what’s app . I don’t use my phone when driving so I pull over open it and I see a video . Instantly my stomach turns because in this video he sent me he is not full on wanking but his Willy is hard and hes wanking it slowly. He wrote under neath dont worry I won’t be wanking .
now this has all messed my head up took me back to exactly how I felt for the first year. To me why would you send that video after oddly saying I won’t be wanking when I leave then putting that caption under a video of doing exactly what you said you wouldn’t do.
I think he could tell something was wrong because he text me ok about ten mins after it. I didn’t even watch the whole video just deleted it . Iv felt so sad and sick all morning in work. I did reply and say I deleted it and I don’t get why he would send me it after saying he woundnt do it ect and how it made me feel like I did for the first year.
i could tell this pissed him off he just replied ok sorry.
then had a go saying i said no wanking not a skin touch ? What the hell. Then lost his shit and at the end told to me go shag Some one else . I just want to know if I’m in the wrong because I will say sorry or I have reason to feel the way I am . I havnt heard off him since around 6 and I highly doubt i will until maybe tomorrow. Thankyou

He needs to get a job and stop being weird and manipulative.
He is messing with your head.
Leave this man / boy , you deserve better.

What will it take for you to leave?

You just be strong right now and leave this abusive man behind. It will hurt and it will feel almost impossible right now but you have to invest in future you and believe that it will get better!

Habe you posted before op this sounds familiar

I'm sorry but this reads like a fiction. Its quite unbelievable that a person with their own home and means of escape would put up with this level of bullcrap. So your either engagement farming or need to have a very hard think.

You also mention the Bloke has an Evil dog = but in the previous thread of a few months ago you mention him getting the dog put down. So what happened does this dog exist or not. The least believable bit was when you mentioned his dog attacked yours.... that would be a deal breaker for any sane dog owner.

Sorry if this seems blunt but this is getting a bit far fetched.

This @theheckisgoingon28

Leave him

He is disgusting. I have no words ...

He is quite literally a wanker. And abusive. Ditch him and don’t look back. Then maybe consider therapy to look into why you value yourself so lowly to have put up with this.

Leave him ASAP. He will destroy your self-esteem. It’s him with the problem, not you.

In case you need one more person to tell you this sexual dysfunction anger misogyny and abuse is alllllll him.

There is nothing wrong with you (except that you are putting up with this shit)
And a whole laundry list of shite wrong with him

Sorry op he had two dogs he has the xl put down

Of course he owned an XL and couldn't look after it properly

He sends you videos of himself wanking after you've just had sex? Fuck me, that's vile. Gather up your self esteem and dump his pathetic, sorry arse

Leave this w@nker he’s vile
I voted YABU because with ate you doing with him .

I would actually go to the police over the threats he has made to you.

Doesn't matter if you've no evidence - get it on record, tell them you're dumping him and you're very concerned he will respond violently/dangerously when he realises you actually mean it.

Because he probably will - you need to ensure EVERYONE around you knows you are dumping him/have dumped him and that he is volatile and dangerous.

He is likely to throw at you that he will kill himself, or kill you, believe him. That doesn not mean don't dump him, it means if he makes a threat of either nature, you call the police, and tell them this.

They can deal with it.

Id also ensure he can ONLY communicate with you via recorded message, voice mail or texts/messenger etc... NOT phone calls that are just between you or face to face conversations.

That way you gather evidence of his threats, and he really will make them. Please stay safe, this is a dangerous man, he does not love you he wants to possess and control you, thats NOT the same thing at all.

Fucking hell . the more I read , the worse he gets.
Please just leave him @theheckisgoingon28 a knife?!
involve the police if you have to, he has been threatening and is a potential danger to you. Get his stuff out, change your locks, get people close to you to support you, your daughter’s boyfriend etc and call the police if he comes round , you deserve so much better. He is vile

Hi everyone Im sorry I havnt been on here since yesterday but i will reply to you all at some point today and again I appreciate every single person who has commented . I do take everything everyone has said in . I always have . I know that does seem really hard to believe . But thought I would update you that this morning he has ended it with me. I felt sad driving to work but I am feeling a lot calmer now i got here and had a normal conversation with two of my friends in work . One of them is always really happy so that makes me feel happy .
i went up his last night and his kitchen was smelling pretty bad of weed. I was hanging his clothes to dry on the radiator when I noticed . He mentioned it and he said he can smell it too . Then I noticed it was coming from his coat . Looked in his pocket . He had weed in there at some point and there were a few tiny bits left . That’s what the smell was . He argued a bit saying it’s not weed and to show him which I did he still denied it being weed until I said Im not stupid I know what it looks like then told him to smell it . Obviously he couldn’t deny it . I don’t know weather he had been smoking it through out the day or yesterday i dont know but he kept on saying tell me I believe him that he hasn’t and he hasn’t smoked it this year . I felt strange yesterday I think too much stress and I felt like my Brain kind of switched off. I went and lay in bed and put a series I like on which for some odd reason comforts me . Always has for years . And I did drop off until he come up and kept saying he can’t deal with the friction . I said Im not angry jusy really anxious. He came to bed and we watched something for about two hours then I left to go see and walk my dog . He came with me i dont know why because he didn’t say a word on the whole walk. When we got to my car I did ask him what was in that rolled up fag paper that was on his kitchen until the night before. It was white powder and he said it was half a pain killer out of a capsule . Then said the same again . I asked him when the last time he done coke was and he said Christmas. For some reason the way he answered me I didn’t believe him and just said ok. I spend two hours with me dog and he asks me to go back up . Which I did but at this point it’s 4 hours until Im up for work . So we go to bed and straight to sleep . We have had bad snow where we are from and I did say the night before that if it’s bad I won’t be going in . I wake up and im looking out the window and I see cars so to me the roads are ok . I say a few times that Im going to go in and he kept on saying you said you Wernt and send them a photo of the road he took yesterday. I reply if I don’t go in a dont get paid. And I do get a bit annoyed with my tone because no matter what it is he doesn’t like being told no or not getting his way and he will keep on and it gets to me now but I can’t say stop keeping on anymore because he kicks off and it doesn’t end good . So I get dressed but because he’s being nasty in the way hes talking and telling me to shut the fuck up it just starts my anxiety off again . Because I can’t do another day in work like yesterday. And I do have a go back . Not shouting i did start to cry and he just carried on laying in bed and said fuck stop feeling sorry for your self . I just said Im not Im just feeling really anxious and im there crying and im getting nothing at all . I don’t even expect anything anymore . But maybe just a tiny bit of understanding. I just said to him then that I didn’t want to feel like this today and im stressed out and I dont believe anything he says anymore i said thats all you do is lie . Now I regret all this because it was uncalled for and I am extremely sorry . Because I did say all this for no reason this morning. He said hes done . And said it’s over and to fuck off he doesn’t care anymore . And he has always said if he ever ends it then thats it . There will be no going back . But I will accept what he wants . And I won’t be contacting him. Im too much for him with my anxiety these days and also he hates being called a liar. When I end it i block him on everything but theres an app you can down load and it gives your phone constant new numbers so they can always contact you . Even if you block that number the app gives you another one .

Hi op sorry I haven’t replied to the comments of my daughter she is 23 and such a bright lovely girl . She doesn’t deal with any of my issues as he has only stayed at my house on two occasions and thats when her and her boyfriend have been away .her partner is amazing . And he absolutely dispices my now ex because of what he does too me . He knows him too and has never liked him . They are both saving for a house got good jobs go in numerous holidays .

You don’t need to get an app to change numbers. Just tell him it’s over and block him. Dont engage in any way with him. Move on and sort yourself out so you don’t get into a relationship like this again.

Yuck.

Sorry op I meant I block him on everything but he has this app that will always give him a new number so he can always contact me

Holy fuck. There's no getting through to you is there? Why did you go to him? Why didn't you dump him yourself l?

Please don't start another relationship until you've worked on your self esteem and self belief except we all know you're going back to this prince as soon as he snaps his fingers

Hi op your message made me emotional yesterday in a good way tho so Thankyou so much . When you said bright and a nice person . He always calls me thick , stupid ect. I do lack common sense a lot of them time but thats just me. Im very laid back and things go over my head . I was like it even in school . If something doesnt interest me i can’t concentrate and I don’t want to know but things I am interested in i do love and will learn about it . Also the nice person . I do think I am but most of the time now I have a had time believing it . So again Thankyou so much. He makes me feel so horrible and ungrateful . And im really not . But he will always throw things back in my face . It can be anything . If we are shopping and he buys me a tub of icecream or anything really . He will either want some kind of payment for it or, not money . He will also buy me one thing that I used to love to drink . Not alcohol I hate alcohol so much now . But would sometimes hide it from me unless I do what he wanted then I was allowed to have it . I have totally gone off it now . But same as cooking or cleaning . I used to do so much at the start and I was so tired . Working getting up at 4 am coming home then for 9 to walk and feed my dog then I would clean mine quick go up his walk his dogs go back to work come home in the afternoon . My dog , clean his house cook . Then after the porn I stopped doing it I felt so disrespected. And now I don’t know why I should do it . We don’t live together. He lost his job so has been out of work a month apart from the odd bit this week . But he just lays in bed and won’t do nothing . I do everything in my house and life . Hes got 0 motivation for anything or anyone

Hi op . I know this sounds stupid but all I want is for him to be nice too me. He sent me a text yesterday saying hes sorry . And can we have a good night . And it made me feel happy . Again I know how stupid that sounds . I know I have to stay away. Not just for my sake but for him too . Maybe it’s me making him the way he is . I don’t even know anymore