Can I go to police over this? Potential blackmail

[Gaiad]

I am wracked with anxiety.

I have not been unfaithful. But over Summer we had a landscaper working on our garden. Nothing physical happened but I have to admit we were flirting. It was a mistake but even though we had the opportunity to take things further I did not as I am committed to my lovely dh.

Things took quite a nasty turn. The landscaper tried things on physically and I said something along the lines of “I want to but I can’t” :/. I mean god only knows what possessed me to say that.

Anyway, we swapped some texts where he said sorry and I said sorry back. We agreed we would maintain a professional distance.

The job ended but a couple of days ago I got a message from the gardener asking for £1000 otherwise he is showing dh our texts! I am absolutely distraught. I had deleted my messages and assumed the gardener would too as he is in a relationship. A screenshot was shown and one of my messages references that I said “I want to but can’t”. Very stupid for leaving physical evidence. I just didn’t think this person was so calculated.

He’s obviously trying his luck. But given he is trying to extort me would this be something the police could intervene in as it is criminal?

I know I am in the wrong. I should’ve removed myself from the flirting scenarios.

I agreed with most of this and don't see anything wrong with a bit of light flirting. However, if someone tries to initiate a physical encounter and you confess a desire that 'you want to but', I think that upgrades the severity of OP actions from mild to moderate. Certainly her actions are not very mild.

Blackmail is wrong and I stated that in a previous post, it’s the ones encouraging op to lie her way out of it with her dh which is wrong

I disagree with the people saying tell DH.

The Blackmailer has no way to know whether she's told DH or not so telling DH will have no effect on his actions whatsoever.

I think there's a very high chance the Blackmailer will give up once he's blocked. So there's no need to tell DH. Maybe the OP will want to, but she doesn't need to.

If the police get involved they're hardly gonna tell the husband, they aren't that thick.

I remember your previous post. Yes, you were foolish but you didn't let the attraction go any further, into something more physical. I rather suspect that his flirting with you, was to see how you responded, and if successful (or in your case moderately so), to set you up to be blackmailed. I bet this isn't the first time he's behaved in this way. If he has a coke habit, then he needs money to fund it, and this is an apt way of doing so.

Firstly, I think you need to tell your husband. It's all very well trying to contain the situation but as you can now see it's escalating. As someone else said, would your husband believe you if you said, you only responded in the manner you did, because he made you feel intimidated by his behaviour? You didn't say anything because you needed him to finish the work he'd started. So you said it, to appease him. Only you know your husband and what he's going to believe.

You need to report this man to the police, regardless if you tell your husband or not. It might be enough for the police to give him a warning, for him to back-off. However, he may still decide to tell your husband, out of revenge for you reporting him to the police or simply because you ignore/refuse his demands. He doesn't need to blackmail you, for him to tell your husband. This is why you need to tell your husband, because it's very likely he'll tell him anyway regardless if he gets any money out of you or not. Tell your husband, and take away his power.

He is a predator.

He groomed you.

Don’t feel guilty for falling into the trap of a scammer.

He was never seriously flirting with you he was grooming you.

He probably does this all the time. His wife/partner may well be in on it.

You weren’t the first or the last.

Speak to the police. He may well have form.

You are a victim here of grooming and now blackmail mail. Do not feel shame or guilt.

Don't wait for unpleasant disclosures to burst.
If the truth must be told MAKE SURE YOU TELL IT FIRST!

I'd just text 'Lol my husband doesn't give a f about flirting with the help. But sure, go ahead. I'm sure a charge for blackmail and and a stint in jail will improve your life considerably, you coke adled junkie'.

Im presuming you're in the uk but in ireland he would be done for blackmail..someone very close to me had something similar done to them and it was all sorted,garda were involved and no your husband will never find out

i thought this instantly as well…

You were being kind by saying "I want to.." to protect his feelings, for things not to sour and to get the job finished without drama.

That is your story and you need to be clear on it.

Go to the police.
He is utter scum.

Go to the police.
I gently humour the trades that come through my door by being super nice, I feed them well.
It has served me well.

I agree with above, I bet this is a stroke he pulls.

Report him if he's on Checkatrade or another site. You could start by giving him a bad review on Google.

I’m not sure why there’s judgement towards OP. You can’t fully understand someone’s choices unless you’re in their situation, and it’s not for others to decide what’s right for them. Also I don't see any value in virtue signalling.

It was only flirting. We are all human. He must think he is Brad Pitt/similarly handsome younger actor. It’s harassment.

If I were you, I would put on my big girl pants and tell your DH. Explain everything you have said above. You only flirted - that is all! Yes, the text looks bad but you didn't do anything.

Definitely go to the police, it will be so much easier with your DH by your side.

ETA: Also, if you can find him on Facebook, warn others what he does and report him to Checkatrade. Anywhere you can find him advertising, let people know what he has done. Tell everyone you think might know him. There will be others too!

To any would be cheaters on here that get caught, here's the excuse you tell your spouse for inappropriate flirting/adultery. You were groomed. You were the victim. Let me know how you get on....

Im with others, contact the police, even if they just visit him and tell him what could happen if he persists it would
hopefully stop him.
also don’t forget, he may have form for this, so may be known to the police?! It will help other people either being blackmailed or potential victims in the future
good luck

Anyone (man or woman) being blackmailed deserves sympathy, even if they have done something a whole lot worse than a bit of flirting. It’s a despicable crime and it is treated very seriously, for good reason. The maximum penalty is 14 years in prison.

Agree, blackmail is wronger. But people are advising OP to tell the husband that she only went along with it to appease the guy, or even to outright lie (someone suggested telling him the gardener offered to lay fake grass!)

Tell him to go ahead because you already have too him. Never give in to blackmailers.

Then tell your husband. It’ll twist you up inside otherwise

This. I'm always nice to them, make them tea, have a chat, even a laugh. But you need to know where to draw the line, and it does sound like he deliberately set you up, and that it's some scam he pulls.

The police will do precisely sod all.

Seriously OP speak to your husband. Tell him the Gardner tried it on and intimidated you and now he's trying to blackmail you.

The stress of keeping this to yourself can affect your health. It's not worth it.

I reported someone for blackmail. The police went round that day and warned him off. They didn't charge him, but said they would if he did it again.

Go to the police, block him on dh phone, hes just a chancer scuzzbag.

Text him back and tell him you aren't giving him any money and that should he carry through with his threat, you will show the Police his texts and report him for extortion. and this may well mean his partner will become aware. Tell him you will take your chances with your husband and when all said and done, that text shows that despite the flirting, you weren't willing to betray your husband. Download the messages and kept them safe somewhere.

Then consider sitting your husband down and telling him what happened and that when it came to it, you couldn't do it because you knew it was wrong.

And learn from it! I may even just report him to the Police after having explained to my husband.