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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DD's dressing gown

121 replies

DreamingBe · 07/01/2026 21:42

DD, 7, has some sensory issues and sensory seeking behaviour, particularly with regard to clothes. She is very stubborn when she's decided what she wants or doesn't want to wear.

She has a plain fleece dressing gown she often refuses to take off as it's very snuggly. It's in good condition and a very boring design, like this Dressing gown . I have to steal it away regularly to wash it or I swear she'd never be out of it at all.

AIBU to allow her to wear it over her school uniform for the journey to school during mild, clear weather? She uses it as a blanket in the car and then pops it on for the 2 minute walk to school. She always has her coat available and offered to her, is otherwise dressed normally including appropriately warm, clean clothes, and I take the dressing gown home when she gets to school. I insist on her wearing her coat if it's raining.

She gets distraught and extremely defiant if I try to get her to leave the dressing gown at home. I have an autistic DS and getting him ready in the morning can be stressful enough already that it seems ridiculous to pick battles I don't need to face over behaviour that isn't causing any harm.

School have apparently logged her wearing it as a safeguarding concern. In and of itself, not in conjunction with other issues.

I don't get what the big deal is, other than it being a bit eccentric because it's not typically considered an outdoors item of clothing (which I have explained to her and also explained that other people may find it a bit strange or her classmates might comment on it, which she doesn't care about). Is school nuts or am I? I feel like either they or I must have totally lost the plot because it seems like such a weird thing for them to be concerned about.

https://www.kidsonesies.co.uk/cdn/shop/products/[email protected]?v=1673457745

OP posts:
GRCP · 07/01/2026 21:45

I think it’s totally fine tbh. She’s 7.
I’m a teacher and we report EVERYTHING - if in doubt, log it.
But I would let her wear it, so what.

FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren · 07/01/2026 22:01

I'm in secondary education so bit older. Tbh I'd find it amusing but as previous poster has said, we have to log any old bullshit, it's very tiresome.
Nothing for you to worry about, let her wear it.

Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar · 07/01/2026 22:06

Goodness.

I am usually on the school's side but they're being really OTT with this one. I don't see how it's a safeguarding concern at all.

TGN101 · 07/01/2026 22:07

IME if it's already an established practice you're going to be fighting a losing battle to get her to stop, and it's not a hill I would choose to die on if she's taking it off willingly at school. My DS with ASD is younger but often wants to take things with him when we leave the house, I think it helps ground him through the transition, although we do for the most part succeed in getting him to leave whatever it is in the car, but not always. I expect if you don't make a fuss it'll be replaced with something a bit more inconspicuous in due course!

NuffSaidSam · 07/01/2026 22:10

It's absolutely fine.

I'd be wearing a dressing gown and slippers to work if I thought I could get away with it!

QuickPeachPoet · 07/01/2026 22:22

It's not a safeguarding concern - that is ridiculous.
But she needs to learn about appropriate dress codes. Loungewear is for your lounge, outerwear is for outside.
When she has a job, she can't rock up in her pyjamas.

FlapperFlamingo · 07/01/2026 22:30

I’d let her and save the hassle. If they question it just explain if they say they don’t think it’s a good idea ask them what they think the solution is. Side note - a close friend of mine (guy) would not wear a coat growing up - only plastic bags as a coat. All pics of him as a child, including holidays, he has a bag on. He is now head of research for a huge company, so well known you’ve heard of it.

Dollymylove · 07/01/2026 22:33

I would be concerned that other pupils will make fun of her. Children can be quite vicious at times. Either that or suddenly everyone will want to come to school in a dressing gown

Legomania · 07/01/2026 22:37

QuickPeachPoet · 07/01/2026 22:22

It's not a safeguarding concern - that is ridiculous.
But she needs to learn about appropriate dress codes. Loungewear is for your lounge, outerwear is for outside.
When she has a job, she can't rock up in her pyjamas.

A lot of 7 year old behaviour isn't workplace appropriate...because they're 7!

Vgbeat · 07/01/2026 22:40

I'm a teacher and wouldn't bat my eyelids at all over it. If she was coming in happy and has a coat, I wouldn't mind what she wears to the gate if it gets her there happy.

Moveoverdarlin · 07/01/2026 22:42

I’d let her take it in the car and the rule is she leaves it there. I wouldn’t have my children walking in to school in a dressing gown.

QuickPeachPoet · 07/01/2026 22:44

Legomania · 07/01/2026 22:37

A lot of 7 year old behaviour isn't workplace appropriate...because they're 7!

sure but the whole 'letting them get away with what they want' when younger sets you up for bratty teenagers and nightmare entry level workers who have never heard the word NO before.

Ophir · 07/01/2026 22:45

Dressing gowns are for home, not out of the house. That needs to be clear.

FuzzyWolf · 07/01/2026 22:45

QuickPeachPoet · 07/01/2026 22:22

It's not a safeguarding concern - that is ridiculous.
But she needs to learn about appropriate dress codes. Loungewear is for your lounge, outerwear is for outside.
When she has a job, she can't rock up in her pyjamas.

I often work in my pyjamas. 🤷🏼‍♀️

FuzzyWolf · 07/01/2026 22:47

Is she autistic? Why are school looking at safeguarding rather than anything else given her sensory needs, or are they doing both?

I would recommend getting a sensory OT assessment as it will detail for you her needs and support helping them so that she can find what she is seeking from an alternative place.

NotAnotherScarf · 07/01/2026 22:47

Tell the school to f off. Actually...get to f and I will complain to a solicitor and the regulator about you hassling my child over a non issue.

PhantomAfternoonTea · 07/01/2026 22:47

I wouldn't pander to this. You're not doing her any favours in the long run. Dressing gowns are not outdoor wear!

HateThese4Leggedbeasts · 07/01/2026 22:47

My DD has sensory issues around clothes and will not wear a coat, tights or trousers (apart from if it's literally snowing when she will possibly consider conceding). She would rather be cold. Our compromise is she has to have a coat available at school in her bag and I will allow her to choose socks not tights.

I'm sure some teachers judge me as she strolls into school dressed for summer but it's not worth the heated conversations forcing her to do anything else. She's nearly 10.

I think what you are doing OP is fine. Yes it will stand out as a little unusual for outerwear but so what! We are all individuals and not meant to be identical clones.

Ophir · 07/01/2026 22:47

@FuzzyWolf out of your house?

TokyoSushi · 07/01/2026 22:49

It’s fine, I suppose the only issue would come if she won’t readily take it off when she gets there.

zebrastripesarefun · 07/01/2026 22:56

If dressing gown is taken off on arrival at school I don’t see a problem. Not a safeguarding issue if child has coat with her

Carycach4 · 07/01/2026 22:57

NotAnotherScarf · 07/01/2026 22:47

Tell the school to f off. Actually...get to f and I will complain to a solicitor and the regulator about you hassling my child over a non issue.

How have they hassled the op or her daughter, you doughnut!
They have logged it because it is evidence of possible special need and tbis is part of the picture which may be used to support any future diagnosis. Anything to do with a child's well being comes under the safeguarding umbrella.

FuzzyWolf · 07/01/2026 23:00

Ophir · 07/01/2026 22:47

@FuzzyWolf out of your house?

No, admittedly, I draw the line at that. 😀

FlockOfSausages · 07/01/2026 23:06

I agree with others that I don’t think you’re doing her any favours in the long run. A longer length teddy coat feels exactly like a dressing gown.

Ophir · 07/01/2026 23:10

FuzzyWolf · 07/01/2026 23:00

No, admittedly, I draw the line at that. 😀

😄