To be fed up of bossy two year old

[beingbossedabout]

Will probably regret starting this thread as toddler threads here often go mental but my two year olds bossy behaviour is really getting on my nerves. It started with just being ordered to ‘sit there mummy’ and it’s evolved to dragging me around, taking a finger and pulling me, trying to shove me down on the sofa if I need to get up, and getting very irate when I don’t do as I am told, it’s tedious as hell. When does it end?

Wait till she is a teenager, you will essentially be a slave

Honestly, it ends when you stop enabling it. It sounds harsh but it’s not and you’re probably not doing it on purpose. Children need boundaries and parents are the ones who need to take charge and set them.

Exactly - well said

Hilarious! I also thought I was a perfect parent when DD1 was 2. I just instilled boundaries and it worked! [insert smug face]

DD2 was gifted to me to humble me. She still tries to be a tiny dictator and she’s 5. She’s never allowed to boss us about and we are firm and consistent with boundaries but she is a very different child to DD1! Far less compliant but she is getting better as she matures and understands more! Much more likely to be CEO one day than my beautiful inside and out but somewhat passive DD1!

My answer would depend on whether I wanted to do the thing or not.

If I wanted to do it: "oops, I can't hear you, try again with your manners and see if I can hear then!" (Or similar)

If I didn't want to do it: "no thank you!" or "please stop, I don't like that." (I try to model polite ways of saying no/get off me, useful for them at nursery/school!)

But yes, you are right, they are bossy tyrants!

In my experience children start caring about others around your daughters age and a gentle 'no not now, I'm busy/doing my shopping/you'll have to wait" is a push in the right direction.

I'm sure you know best @beingbossedabout.

I agree to go along with it if she is playing a game but I also agree to set boundaries and begin to encourage her to see how others want to play too. If she continues bossing friends around when she gets to school then she will soon find they won't want to play with her.
I also agree with comments telling her no you aren't available to do whatever it is she demands.

@BeingATwatItsABingThing I’ve raised 4 toddlers none of them like this. And minded lots, have seen the older side of this style of parenting & it’s not cute when they are older

Even toddlers need boundaries

This made me properly LOL OP because I can totally relate with our son. He's having a phase of wanting us to sit and watch him play cars but we're not allowed to join in. Also telling me off! If it's something I want him to do I ask him to ask nicely. If it's something I don't want him to do I try to divert him. I do like to play along because it can be quite fun and we don't get much time in the evenings after work and nursery. Like we spent a good half an hour hiding behind the curtain tonight pretending it was a den.

Also is she an only child? Only asking as neither of mine were like this and wonder if it's maybe because they had a sibling to boss around/another child who isn't always going to say yes.
I do notice my friends daughter who is an only child has always been bossy to her mum, and when younger if we went to the park for example she would soon get annoyed with my kids if they refused to play the game she wanted (even if they had already played her game and then wanted to do something else) and she would turn to her mum to either tell mine to play her game or to get her mum to play as well or instead.

Give her as many choices as you can throughout the day so she fills up her ‘control bucket’. But not so much that it overspills and she gets power hungry.

It ends when she comes out of this stage. It makes no difference how much I pompously inform her ‘dd I decline to sit there at the moment as your matriarch is a fellow human with needs also’, or (as I have been doing) cheerily say I need the toilet, have a drink or whatever, and in today’s shocking news sometimes I will sit there because why not?

Choices has never worked here; it’s good for others though 👍🏻

She is not an only child; she is the only girl though which may or may not be relevant. don’t remember my others being this bossy.

At least I have been proved right that toddler threads on MN are bananas.

I get my mini-dictator to 'try again asking nicely'.

I mind less when she says 'please can you sit there'.

Bit of a losing battle though as she orders around my 6ft husband and son who meekly obey.

The dog completely ignores her though, so that's a leveller. The fury is sometimes palpable, I'm not sure how he has the nerve.

In my experience bossy toddlers leave you questioning if they’re natural born leaders or natural born psychopaths.
My eldest DC aren’t bossy at all. Youngest (also 2) looks at me like Im auditioning for her approval on dragons den and mostly, shes out.

I used to tell mine I’d been to the doctor and had my ears changed, so I couldn’t hear whinging or shouty voices 😆 if they wanted a favourable response from me they had to use manners.

It gets better!

Probably works better on slightly older children.

Best to keep things very simple at this age.

Two year olds are sharper than you think!

Sorry, no help as I have mid to late teens but that did make me laugh- loved that book!

She’s 2 teach her she can’t just push and pull anyone. Say no or ouch. If she persists firm tone, eye contact, you do not push mummy. I’d be zero tolerance for pushing or pulling, nip it in the bud.

The funny thing is it is only at home she is bossy. She is generally quite mild mannered out and about and rather timid at nursery.

One thing I do know is that any sort of character judgement based on a child at two is nonsense. One of mine was a horror aged two and is really rather nice now. A friends daughter was demonic at 2/3 and is now a really lovely thirteen year old. It’s crazy to think that ‘sit there mummy’ is the cause of the downfall of society. Poverty, Covid, instability at government level, corrupt police, nah, it’s the toddlers

So do/did all mine. Ds2 laughs uproariously when the monster eats Bernard

Quite right! It’s wearing, but completely developmentally appropriate. They’ve just figured out that they’re a separate person and can impose their will on the world around them. Being a tiny tyrant at 2 means precisely fuck all in terms of future character. People just love to dump on mothers for the sake of it.