To think my SIL is the most selfish mother ever

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SIL is pregnant with her fourth child. She lives in a two bedroom council flat and is on Universal Credit. From what we can tell, she’s only having a fourth because her youngest is turning three soon and UC will start pressuring her to go back to work.
I’m really confused about how she’s going to manage four kids in that tiny flat. Right now, the youngest sleeps in the same room as her and her husband, and the other two boys share a bunk bed in the second bedroom.
The thing is, and I would never say this lightly, she’s not a good mum. She spends most of her time on her phone while the kids run amok until she throws iPads at the,, and they’re really badly behaved- they can’t go out in public without causing a scene. Sometimes she even neglects them. Her oldest is six and honestly the most disrespectful kid I’ve ever met.
On top of that, she and her husband constantly ask my husband for money because they can barely afford the three kids they already have.
Her husband is a deliveroo driver and she doesn't work.
AIBU for thinking it’s selfish to be having a fourth when she clearly can’t handle the kids she already has and keeps relying on my husband for help?

This on hear say from what a random person has posted on the internet - anyone on here can make up any old crap and considering she said “felonies” when we don’t have that in the UK already rings through that this post is a load of crap, it doesn’t mean its true just because it’s on the inernet.
So put your pitch fork down. Ffs.

What a load of rubbish, not true at all.

You can think what you like (and yes they sound crazy) - you can’t stop people like this having as many dc’s as they like unfortunately.

And now under Labour they will be getting lots more lovely benefits!

Will the council give them a bigger place with 4 kids in 2 bedrooms?
this type of thing is really what annoys many people re benefits, basically people choosing to not work and just pro-create, yet not look after them. I seem to remember an outcry when there was someone on wife swap where they got many thousands of pounds a month for many children and neither parent worked

@MrsDoubtingMyself thats not very helpful

Some people are in this kind of situation through no fault of their own. Other people are just irresponsible. I think the first type should be supported, but the second of situation makes me angry and frustrated. I dont know what those kinds of people are thinking, but if you penalise them it's the kids that suffer.

Because bringing a child into the world for financial gain is wrong. I for one am fed up with paying for this

Define a ‘proper job’

Im sorry dont roast me
why do these people who have zero prospects and no job and no money keep having blinking children dont roast me AGAIN stop having children and expect the rest of us to cough up
dont ROAST me

She sounds like a crap mum.

My kids cousins live in a 2 bed flat, parents and 5 kids, 4 girls, 1 boy. Boy sleeps in the small living room and girls all share, 3 in one large bed. They range from 15-27 so not young anymore. That said, they are an incredibly loving and close family, and all the DC are so lovely. I’ve been split with my ex for 15yrs but they always make me feel so welcome when I visit and make so much effort with food and send more home. Culturally for them, it’s not that unusual to have so many people in one flat, but I was quite surprised at first but can see that they are genuinely happy and none of the DC are deprived. In your SIL’s situation, it sounds very different. I’d definitely be refusing any money they ask for.

The two child UC cap should never have been lifted. Surely that would have made people like these at least think about whether they could afford another child instead of just expecting the taxpayer to foot the bill for their lifestyle choice.

Labour has lost my vote come the May local elections. Why TF should I have to pay more tax to support the lazy and feckless? Most working people feel this way.

Why isn't that helpful?

Agree

@Dontcallmescarface the OP said that the dad is involved with the children when he’s not working. It’s when they’re with the mother they run amok, apparently.

I agree with you she’s awful, but Yabu for saying she’s the worst mum rather than they are the worst parents.

Thing is the it takes a village brigade never like it when you tell their kids off For running around a coffee shop for instance. The it takes a village brigade just thinks the village is free childcare See above

Clearly if the couple don't look after their existing DC properly then it's very unfortunate for all the DC, including the unborn one that they're having another. Not sure what else there is to say about it though, given its a free country, and a bunch of posters on here agreeing it's not great won't change anything.
I guess your husband needs to decide for himself what (if anything) he wants to do to improve life for his nieces/nephews. Direct things that benefit them like toys, days out, food parcels is better than cash handouts. Plus time and some positive role modelling, and keeping a general eye on the situation to watch it doesn't escalate to real harm. Or decide it's not his responsibility and leave them all alone.

100% this!

You're the only person other than myself who has thought of this....

Are you in America somewhere?

ugh. Another one of these posts 🙄

Might I suggest you focus on your own life?
Or get a hobby?
You can’t have much going on in yours if you have to make nasty gossipy threads about someone else on MN.

I’ve had very similar assumptions made about me (not lucky enough to have a council house though, thanks to people refusing to downsize when they no longer need them, but I won’t get started on that) and they’ve been totally wrong.

Unless you are sat with her 24/7, you have no idea how much she does with her kids.

Butt out and grow up.

Because it may be her husband’s sister and her partner/husband.
However, it takes two to make a baby and two to raise them, so both are guilty of neglectful parenting.

If one works the other doesn’.t, UC doesn’t call you in and now she’s putting herself and husband into more poverty thinking she’ll have to go back to work where the logic in that.

There’s nothing she can do about the council flat size if she has 3 of the same sex as far as the council are concerned unless the next one is a girl they can all share the one bedroom and it would be stupid of them to give up a council house to pay through the nose for privately rented and if they couldn’t afford the rent you would be calling her fit to burn for that as well.

FYI Deliveroo drivers all have criminal record checks. He can't be that much of a wrong'un.