Do you know anyone who came around to liking Dubai despite being VERY reluctant at first?

[Gronty]

Dh is a pilot. He’s at a crossroads in his career. He can stay with his airline and go onto make very very comfortable money when he takes command in the not too distant future. Or we can take the jump to a ME airline and immediately double his salary. The dilemma is should we delay gratification I suppose.

I personally am in the camp of disliking Dubai and sort of side eye the types of people who like it. I have been previously and it’s everything I hate - superficiality, vanity, consumption etc. I see it as a shiny veneer that isn’t real. And not to mention slavery, women’s rights etc.

I spend a lot of time outdoors - bike rides with kids, dog walks etc. I am not in the camp of “England has gone to shit so let’s leave” at all.

Dh is desperate to go. He has an offer. He says we would only be gone for 5 years as a plan. Build up savings. And if we really didn’t get on we’d come back but only as an absolute last resort. The package is very generous but I enjoyed a typically English childhood and would ideally give my kids (1,3 and 5) the same. My dogs would also struggle with the heat (retrievers).

I really don’t think it’s worth it. We are doing absolutely fine right now. Not living in the lap of luxury but we don’t have to worry about bills and we can treat ourselves regularly. When DH takes command we will be much better off.

Do you know anyone who has come around to Dubai?

No, but I know a few wives who went out on the idea that it was five years and then they would be home. They are not home.

No
Hideously hot
Repressive culture
Juist hotels shops and beaches
Utterly grim

If you break up while out there then your h could prevent the kids from returning to the UK to live because the kids would be ordinarily resident in Dubai rather than the UK. The extra money means that he would be able to hire help cheaply.

I'm with you, I definitely wouldn't go, especially with young children. Apart from anything else presumably you have to pay for private schooling if you do go? Or maybe you already do. Also I just wouldn't want my kids childhood over there and I would be very uncomfortable with the lack of women's rights and homosexual rights.

The only people I know who love it loved it from the start. I don’t think I know anyone who initially hated the place but grew to love it.
Personally I can’t think of anything worse!

I have a couple of friends who emigrated. They’ve forged out a lifestyle which works for them, and enjoy their lives, but equally they are looking at the long term “earn well and save and then leave.” You’ve given several reasons why you might find the forging a life there difficult, and I think they’re valid.

No, I've also been & found it exactly as you did. Superficial & fake, absolutely hated it & that was before it became cool.

Are there other options for him to look at as a compromise? Would there be opportunities in other countries you more happy with?

I don’t want to live anywhere that is so style over substance. It actually disturbs me. And you’d only be around people who Ike Dubai

completely agree but would there be options in eg Australia or USA etc that you'd consider?

I know someone who lived out there, very excited to relocate with her partner. She utterly hated it - hated being stared at and not feeling safe, hated the heat being too hot to be above ground/outside in the day. She and partner left within 2 years, moved to NY and loved it. She said Dubai was the worst move she ever made

Have you considered another emirate like RAK. It's much quieter, cheaper and the mountains are just 5*

Never in a month of Sundays! Wouldn't entertain the idea for more than 2 seconds.

Oman?

I think I would hate my kids to grow up somewhere like that. The loss of access to nature and connection with their home would be horrible, just at the age when childhood is so magical. I’d rather they remember walks with the dogs and going to primary school and ordinary society rather than some kind of climate-controlled fake shopping mall life.

I do also know someone who managed to stay out there for 5 years with two small kids aged 4 and 1 when they left Uk. Mum is Eastern European, dad is Thai so an interesting family to start with!

She never said much about it but she did say the lifestyle and heat suited her. She was happy to be back in Uk (came back so oldest dc could be in place to swot for 11+). I asked her once if she would ever consider returning and she laughed merrily, “No!!!!”

Yes the magical quality of childhood is something I am thinking very deeply about. I didn’t grow up in a very well off family but I have such fond memories of bike rides, exploring woods etc. My kids being taxied around from house to mall to restaurant is just not appealing whatsoever.

It’s clean, free from crime, tax effective and built itself from a small fishing port over the last 40years. It should be applauded. Investing in growth and people.

ok, it doesn’t have the culture of the UK but I’d embrace the opportunity

In my experience, the UAE is what you make it. I’ve been in the region for nearly 20 years. I don’t brunch, I am rarely in a mall, and I spend a lot of time in nature (the desert is different to the UK’s greenery but beautiful in its own right). My friend circle is the same. There is a huge amount to learn and explore about the UAE and wider GCC/MENA - you just need to take the time to look beyond the malls.

But if you strongly feel you dislike the idea, I’d say don’t move. The first year abroad in any country is the hardest and worse if you don’t want to be there already. It’s a huge adjustment.

I’m not in the hate Dubai camp - have just come back from holiday there and have friends who live there. Although I’m not sure I could live there.

We knew a family who were there as the DH was a pilot. She lasted a few years there with the children and then moved back to the UK for school. They went back for holidays etc and the DH came over to UK often too.

He packed it all in. They work the pilots quite hard from what I understand. Obviously within safety limits but he got to the stage he just couldn’t do it anymore and quit very suddenly. Obviously missing his family was part of it. But I think your DH should really research the work culture.

I have a lot of experience of the gulf states and I wouldn’t take golden retriever dogs there. kids ok but not the dogs.

also men (and it’s still mainly men) put time limits on things and it goes one of 2 ways. They don’t settle and come back home within 18 months or the reverse happens and they start to enjoy life there and become increasingly detached from the UK.

But they don't care about the huge amount of migrant workers who are treated near enough like slaves?

I lived there for three years and never again! Everything is about consumerism, the heat is dreadful and means you tend to stay indoors in air con. When we were there everything was hideously expensive and simple groceries especially fruit and veg.
We were lucky that my children went to the same school that I taught in so we had a good discount on fees. There were some good times and we did meet some genuine people but it definately was not the life I wanted to lead.

I wouldn’t do it. Not because of any (personal) dislike towards Dubai. But the risk of you getting stuck there is just too high. Especially when you already dislike it!

We lived out there for nearly 6 years (initially planned to be out for 2 and then extended it). We had our two girls out there although returned to UK when they were 18 months and 3.5. It’s very family friendly and there’s plenty to do outside malls and brunches etc. Plenty of great museums, beaches obviously and lots of classes and activities for the kids.

We never really fell into the Dubai glam hype. You can still have a lovely cultured childhood for your kids out there and the expat community is very friendly as everyone has been in the same boat re moving over and making friends etc. We saved aggressively while there and this hugely helped with buying a large house when we returned. The first year out there is expensive setting up home and you’ll need to look at school fees carefully. We also set money aside for repatriation as that was very costly.

We adopted our dog out there also and brought her back with us. There are lots of dog friendly places and air conditioned daycares for pets (you’ll need these for when you travel - I’d recommend Dogwalk Dubai).

There were plenty of Dubai types I would roll my eyes at while out there, and lots of people just go for instagram pics etc but just to reassure you, not everyone is like that. If it wasn’t for family here I would definitely consider moving out there again. It’s really well placed if you want to travel as well but you’re probably well connected with that given your DHs job. Good luck with your decision.

I'm not a huge Dubai fan, but I do have some thoughts on life as an expat, and the main one is that 5 years is a long stint. Two years, I might consider, but the truth is that every year you're away is a year you become more rooted in the new place and less so in the old. People at home move house, move towns, life changes, parents age, all without you there. You miss events and life markers with friends and famil yand it becomes less like the home you left. All these things happen regardless, of course, but when you're there, it's incremental and you adjust after each increment. When you're gone, it hits you all at once. Sometimes a relocation is worth that tradeoff, but sometimes it's not.

Also, if he's a pilot, how much is he going to be away? I think there's a difference between a whole family adventure and a move where he's going to be gone and you're going to be the one doing most of the adjusting.