Am I being over sensitive?

[Bulldog01]

Back in June 2025,we were invited to my Husband's niece wedding reception.We declined as we live 130 miles from the reception.We sent a decent card with best wishes & a Cheque for £50.00 dated 11/06/25.We would normally send much more,but as we were not attending the reception & her behavior in the past was verging on very rude to our daughter at a previous wedding.We did not feel this was being mean.Today 6/1/26 a cheque was cleared on our bank account from my husband's niece six months after it was sent! I was really quite annoyed by this! Husband thought I was being overly sensitive. Lucky we had some money in the account to pay the cheque.What are your thoughts?

I'm older than you and think cheques are old fashioned. You needed to cover that money in your account whenever it was cashed. It seems you don't like her and your reaction is coloured by that.

Ah. The unspoken rules of English society. It can be a minefield.

Why on earth would you give someone a cheque and a) expect them NOT to cash it at all and b) get p**d off that they cashed it at a time convenient to them? Why did you send one then?

Because she didn't expect her to bother cashing it in.

It was done as a gesture of showing she was sending a gift but with the intention cashing it would be a ballache she wouldn't bother with. Thus OP could be seen to give a gift and then not have to actually give anything because Bride was once rude to OP's DD

I get married in April, I know now if we receive a cheque gift, I must do a follow-up call before hand to see if I need to negotiate the date to cash in case they meant it or was just pretend.

Also if you’ve ever possibly been rude to the gift givers relative (even if you are also a relative) you can’t possibly cash it in.

I reckon it’s either:
a) couple need to go to bank to cash cheque ( and can I just say as a 55 technophobe I am shocked how many people don’t have banking apps or have ones where the cheque banking facility apparently doesn’t work) this time of year is one of the few times when people tend to have random days off when the banks are open, so it’s a good task to do around Christmas.

b) The couple are just as petty as OP and have waited until last minute to cash the cheque as a FU also at an expensive time of year.

I assume OP thinks it’s b.

Nationwide still don't have the facility to bank a cheque using their app, so posters saying it is easy to do obviously don't bank with Nationwide. I rarely go into town so if someone sent me a cheque it would sit unbanked for ages.

Saying you didn't think she would actually cash it is a bit of a strange thing to say. If you didn't want her to have this money then why didn't you just send a card?
As lots of people have said there are many reasons she is only just cashing it now. I find cheques a bit annoying as they don't always scan in on bank apps, and banks tend to have inconvenient opening times.

Thanks for the suggestions all but my bank doesn't have that facility on the app I'm afraid.

Can't you just photograph them and upload them like most banks allow these days?

ETA Sorry I see you just answered the question! What a major PITA!

So from your update, you thought she wouldn’t cash the cheque? Why?

I can’t remember the last time I saw a cheque and like you am in my sixties.

She hasn’t been rude. You sound like hard work.

Who did you write it to? We got loads of cheques for our wedding presents, but everyone addressed them to ‘Mr & Mrs Surname’, so it was ages before I could pay them in because the bank wouldn’t accept them before I’d officially changed my name and had proof

I was going to say exactly this. We didn’t have a joint account yet, and though I did change my name, it took a while for me to get around to it, so we couldn’t cash all the “Mr and Mrs” cheques for ages. I did let the people who gave them to us know though.

Nationwide?

I agree this is annoying- unexpected bills in January really are the pits. I don’t suppose they’ve done anything wrong per se, but I can appreciate you could of done with a heads up!

How very odd in so many ways, you clearly didn’t even want to give her 50 quid, and wouldn’t have given much more if you were worried about it clearing, you wanted to make a gesture and hoped she’d never cash it.

I truly hate cheques. It’s so hard to get a chance to go to a bank if you’re working full time and my banking app doesn’t allow you to cash cheques through it. I’ve lost money previously by being unable to get cheques cashed.
I didn’t think anyone used them any more ( and I’m not young!!)
However it’s completely unreasonable to write someone a cheque and then be pissed off when they cash it!

You can pay in a cheque on a banking app… no need to go into a branch. It’s easy peasey

Not all banking apps have this facility.

Not all banks have this. Nationwide doesn't.
Not easy peasy.

I wonder how OP has got to her age without knowing she has to keep sufficient balance in her bank account (or overdraft limit) to cover cheques she’s issued, whether she expects them to be presented or not. There does seem to be a section of the population who don’t understand the word ‘give’.

Love the Battersea Dogs and Cats cheque virtue signalling….. 😉

I don’t have a banking app so waited for ages until I went close to a branch of my bank to deposit the HUGE cheque the Dart Charge sent me……. £1.90.

I agree with @PrincessFiorimonde. You sent the cheque as a wedding gift. Why wouldn't you expect her to cash it? If finances are tight, I'm surprised you're not keeping track of outgoings to ensure you have enough in the account to cover all debts, including cheques that have been issued.

It's understandable it took a while for your niece to cash the cheque. Cheques are a massive PIA now. All the banks in my local area closed years ago (a situation not unique to my area). Even if I wanted to queue at my soon-to-be closed post office (on the odd days and inconvenient random hours it chooses to be open), I'd need a paying in slip issued by my bank.

There are countless reasons your niece and her husband may have only just got around to cashing the cheque - they're busy, they're avoiding finding and queueing at a bank, they've only just gotten around to sorting wedding presents, December can be an expenive month and they suddenly realised an extra £50 would be particularly helpful...It doesn't really matter. The money was gone the moment you handed over the cheque. Let it go.

Cheques are a total pain. I had one for so long my bank wouldnt accept it. It was a dogbeared from being in my handbag. My bank is far away and its easy to forget. I would send a gift card next time. I dont understand why you are upset.

Not always. If the writing isnt clear then the App reject it and you have to take it to the bank. This happens often with hand written cheques.