Am I being over sensitive?

[Bulldog01]

Back in June 2025,we were invited to my Husband's niece wedding reception.We declined as we live 130 miles from the reception.We sent a decent card with best wishes & a Cheque for £50.00 dated 11/06/25.We would normally send much more,but as we were not attending the reception & her behavior in the past was verging on very rude to our daughter at a previous wedding.We did not feel this was being mean.Today 6/1/26 a cheque was cleared on our bank account from my husband's niece six months after it was sent! I was really quite annoyed by this! Husband thought I was being overly sensitive. Lucky we had some money in the account to pay the cheque.What are your thoughts?

If I'm being honest, I did not think she would cash the cheque

You're annoyed she didn't cash it within a time frame you approve of? May this kind of present never find me. It's really so strange.

You can cash cheques online now. Most banking apps do it. You just use the app to take photos of the cheque.

Presumably they cashed the cheque now because Christmas is an expensive time of year and they needed the money.

I don't know anyone who wouldn't cash a cheque that was sent as a gift. It's very weird that you sent them a gift but are cross because they have used it.

If you have online banking you can pay cheques in online. No need to go to a bank.

I can cash cheques using my banking app.

You didn’t think she’d cash the cheque?? So really you just wanted to write fuck off in the card but thought you might be judged. You don’t like her and you’re trying to pretend it’s just being old fashioned instead. Old fashioned is giving presents you mean as a gift for the couple to have, so you’re not that. You gave the present, OF COURSE she’s entitled to cash it, and whenevrr she wants and if there’s some kind of cheque etiquette why would you expect anyone under 50 to know it! is that why you didn’t send cash, because you didn’t really want her to have it? Cashing a cheque is bloody annoying these days, I wouldn’t know how to with my bank, it doesn’t have branches! It takes me minimum a month to prioritise getting to a bank branch.

I grew up after cheques became obsolete, and I’m surprised the time of year they cashed a gifted cheque is an issue to you. You wouldn’t be fussed if someone used a gift card at Christmas time, I don’t really see why a cheque is any different. If you give a cheque, the assumption is the money is there ready to transfer, it wouldn’t cross my mind to think is the person going to be there overdrawn or left without money…why give the cheque in the first place if your finances are that tight?

You are a strange one OP

@Bulldog01 She cashed the cheque when you had the least money which is also when everyone else has the least money. She needed the money and thought "hey I've got that cheque for 50 quid lying around".

I don't know why you sent her a cheque in the first place if she had been rude to your daughter and you don't like her. A card would have been fine.

Op who did you make the cheque out to? If it was “mr and mrs [his surname]” they maybe have had delay due to not having a joint account or she didn’t formally change her name.

Either way you sound annoyed that she cashed it full stop so don’t think it’s really about when, is it?

Well if you don't, don't complain that it's hard to cash a cheque!

If you don't want to do the easiest way of doing something then don't moan you might take longer to get the money!

Even if you don't currently have the app you could open a new bank account with a bank that does offer it faster than getting to the post office.

I can't believe most people don't go to their nearest post office or large town at some point within 6 months.

Posters have TOLD you why she may have banked the cheque at Christmas. You're just repeating yourself and not engaging at all with any of the reasons given for the 6 month lag in cashing the cheque (eg, mislaid, forgotten about). If those do apply, then yes, she would have to had cashed it on finding it, because there's a finite time to cash cheques.

I personally would never give a thought to the time of the year a cheque was cashed though. I'd figure if you couldn't afford to give the amount on the cheque, you wouldn't have made the gift.

Why would you send a cheque that you didn't expect her to cash? I already voted that YABU but would make that even more so now.

OP is the one complaining about a cheque not being cashed

Barely anyone uses cheques any more so whether you can cash them in or not isn't relevant to most people

You seriously think that for ONE cheque someone should faff around opening a new account?

It's really not that unreasonable to not cash the cheque immediently, you've got to remember to take it with you when you go anyway

I have used 3 different banking apps - all allow you to cash cheques remotely.

Eh? This, above. You sent them a cheque. They cashed it. The end.

You are being utterly ridiculous. You sent a cheque as a gift and the receiver has 6 months in which to cash it so yes they had every right to cash it when they wanted and possibly were using it as a savings thing for xmas.

Why didn’t you just put cash in an envelope? I know lots of people have opted for cash in this day and age.

It probably didn’t occur to her that you might be tight for money OP, even at Christmas. If you gave the gift she presumably thought you could afford to do so.
ETA I also had trouble cashing wedding cheques in the past as they were made out to my married name. I didn’t change my name on marrying and didn’t have an account in that name so it was an issue. Could it be something like that has caused the delay?
More likely though she just assumed she had 6 months in which to cash the cheque, which she did.

Don't send them a cheque if you don't want them to cash it. I can;t actually remeber the last time I went ointo a branch of my bank, so six months doesn't seem that long to wait.

She cashed the cheque.

Is that why you sent 50 quid, in the hope she wouldn't cash it?

Cheques usually involve a trip to the bank. It's not a priority thing for small amounts. But January is the perfect time as everyone's a bit skint.

It's probably been put somewhere safe and forgotten about until now. Just be happy it didn't bounce. That would have been the topic of conversation

Or you could see if the local post office will take them, or again you could post the cheque to the bank. There's no need to go to a branch.

No, she's annoyed she cashed it all. It was a passive-aggressive cheque, meant to imply that because she was rude to OP's daughter, she was being sent a polite gift, but she surely wouldn't be classless enough to actually use it.

I can't pay in cheques via my banking app. Almost all banks my side of town have closed down. Nearest one is in a shopping centre I am only likely to visit around Christmas time so it might well take me 6 months to pay it in. Or most likely I wouldn't have bothered.