Am I being over sensitive?

[Bulldog01]

Back in June 2025,we were invited to my Husband's niece wedding reception.We declined as we live 130 miles from the reception.We sent a decent card with best wishes & a Cheque for £50.00 dated 11/06/25.We would normally send much more,but as we were not attending the reception & her behavior in the past was verging on very rude to our daughter at a previous wedding.We did not feel this was being mean.Today 6/1/26 a cheque was cleared on our bank account from my husband's niece six months after it was sent! I was really quite annoyed by this! Husband thought I was being overly sensitive. Lucky we had some money in the account to pay the cheque.What are your thoughts?

No, but the facility is there if they choose to use it.

And not all cheques are accepted through the apps.

I do think it’s a bit rude to leave it so long before cashing a cheque, though. Even though it’s a pain in the arse, I’d have wanted to cash it as soon as possible so the person who wrote the cheque isn’t hanging around waiting for it to go out of their account.

I pay my cheques in via the bank’s app. Is there a particular reason why you have to take them to a branch?

YABVVVVU

If you sent a cheque for £50 then, until you see its cashed, you make sure you have that £50 in your account because you've promise that £50 to someone else

Cashing a cheque is a chore. It's like that woman complaining her friend (who had an ill baby and husband) hadn't collected a parcel.

IF they chose to

Which they might not

Or the app wouldn't accept it

Not all banking apps have this option. Last time I tried to pay a cheque on using my app (Nationwide) it wouldn't let me.

Well that's what happens when you send people a cheque because no one lives near actual banks any more. So yeah its probably going to be sine time until they get around to cashing them. If that's an issue next time just put cash in the card

If you can get them to work! I have tried cashing cheques on my app and ended up going int the bank as easier than endlessly trying on the app

The things people have the time and energy to get worked up over astound me!

Maybe mislaid it or was looking through their cards and found they hadn’t taken it out.

Have you looked up whether you can do it on your phone (you essentially take a photo of it & mister banks support this). It's like magic & I loved doing it, but no one sends me cheques anymore 🥲

A lot of banks let you cash cheques in their banking app!

Cashing a cheque is a grade A pain in the arse these days.

i tend to use the app.

i think I’ve finally managed to persuade my mum not to send them anymore and to use bank transfers.

yes, you are over sensitive.

Your failure to keep on top of your finances isn’t her problem it’s yours - maybe they were waiting for the sales to buy something and kept it to one side for that

I can deposit a cheque through my online banking (Halifax) Didn't think it was unusual

Maybe I am being over sensitive.I am almost 66, so a bit old fashioned.Personally I have in the past been sent cheques, example Battersea Dogs & cats home,not ever going to cash that cheque.A cheque from HMRC then yes, I would cash that cheque.Not immediately,but well within six months.If I'm being honest, I did not think she would cash the cheque.As I mentioned previously we are not close,she was rude to our daughter.Why would you bank it six months later around Christmas week?

Ofgs why do Brits do this?! You clearly didn't want her to cash it, you resentfully sent it and are mad when she cashed it. You could have just avoided this all by just doing what you actually wanted to do in the first place and just not sent anything.

Ah so your actual issue is you sent her a cheque with the intention she DIDN'T cash it. Then you would look like you bothered but she missed out

Why she might have cashed it now:

• Spent a little too much in the run up to Christmas and was desperate for the extra £50
• Had misplaced the cheque and whilst sorting out for Christmas, rediscovered it
• Has been carrying out around with the intention of cashing it, realised the 6 month deadline was nearly close and rushed to bank it
• Spitefully wanted to deprive you of the £50 you had gifted her and the worst possible time for you as a sort of F You...

Yes you are.

This isn’t a British thing. It’s an OP thing.

Why would you think she would not cash it?

When I used to write cheques, I would have reduced my balance by the amount on the cheque. So then it makes no difference when it is cashed as it has already been accounted for.

Yabu.
Cheques are a pain in the arse and before the days of being able to pay them in online they would live in my handbag for months before I got round to cashing them.

Good grief OP… first you are mid 60’s not mid 90s how many checks do you really write a year? My 88 yo dad is asking me to set up online bill pay and banking for him… granted his partner born in 1933 will die while writing out a check but that I can understand.

Yes you are over sensitive and just don’t like your niece. I’m sure your daughter has managed to get past this slight, don’t you think you should stop inventing reasons to be mad?

Why would you bank it six months later around Christmas week?

Because people have lives.
Because people forget.
Because people misplace things.
Because all sorts of reasons.
Why don’t you ask her?

It’s obvious you don’t like this younger woman one bit. And this “6 months later” is riling you up to dislike her even more. Let go. Breathe. Find a hobby. Move on. Do this couple a favour and cut them off entirely.

I don't understand why you are upset by this.

As others have said, she might have mislaid/forgotten about the cheque till now, or put off paying it in if she found it a chore if that had to be done via an actual bank counter.

If you sent her a cheque, why are you surprised that she cashed it?

And if you are annoyed/upset with her because she was rude to your daughter, why did you send her anything at all?

(PS I'm the same age as you, and have previously sent cheques to young people who took a while to cash them, as they weren't familiar with the things.)

I hope you are ok.