To not understand how people have an evening.

[Littlebittiredoflife]

My children are 8 and 12 and we've not had an evening for basically that long. 8 year old is in bed by half 8 and older one up later but sorts themselves out. We're always washing up, prepping lunches, putting washing on, unloading dishwasher, until at least 10pm at night. I mean at least one of us is (obviously not me tonight as I'm writing this). I saw someone who said they watch TV together then one of them goes and reads and the other plays video games- are they getting in bed at midnight? Obviously when they were younger and needed more help with sleep and eating I accepted we wouldn't have much time to ourselves, either together or apart but we still don't seem to be getting any.

Also I'm aware we do have an evening but it seems to be spent on routine and never pleasure!

2 loads by 09:30. 1hr 26 per cycle I’m up and first load is on before 7am. 11kg machine- fits loads!

I am a lazy cook, hate prep so tend to buy my veg pre-prepped too either fresh or frozen so often will get home from doing the weekly shop and just make up a few ‘dump bags’ as I’m unpacking. Meat and a selection of veg straight out of the shopping bag and into a ziplock, shake in a selection of seasonings or a packet of casserole mix or whatever then the bag goes into the fridge or freezer depending on when I plan to cook it. Unpacking and meal prep all done at the same time and it only takes a few seconds more than just standard unpacking.

This morning the alarm went off at 6.15am and in the 30 mins we’ve been awake I’ve got a load of washing in the tumble dryer, it will be done, folded and put away before 8am ready for us to leave for school at 8.10am. Dinner is in the slow cooker, no washing up generated in its making as just emptied the bag into the cooker and turned it on, DD is eating her breakfast and I swept the kitchen floor while the coffee machine was making my latte.

How on earth does hoovering a three bed house take you a whole hour?

Honestly, from reading all your posts it sounds like you’re all dawdlers or you all get very easily distracted with other things because there is no way on this planet that it takes an hour to vacuum a standard 3-bed house.

I empathise OP.

DH and I both work full time and neither of us wfh (I work term time only so things are much easier in school holidays.

Yesterday I was out the house from 6.30am to 5pm, when I got home I put a load of washing on and put a load away, dropped youngest at a club, made packed lunches/snacks, sorted school bags and PE kits, made dinner for us all, collected youngest from club, got home at same time as DH, we all ate dinner, DH and I did tidying up, sat with the kids for an hour and watched TV together, then it was time for them to go to bed (9pm) and I went to bed not long after as I had to be up at 5am today.

Occasionally I work from home and it makes the day much easier.

I remember when my kids were the ages of yours and I felt the same. By the time we were all in at 6.30/7 then dinner, helping out with homework, sorting uniforms and work clothes for the next day, lunches for the next day, dishwasher and whoever needed one having a bath it was time for us to get to bed at 10.30.

It depends on your work day we were up at 6 and needed to be up and out by 7.

Tbf we were out and about all weekend and could have done all the washing, ironing and housework then but didn't want to.

Can you make some switches so everything can go in the dishwasher? All our pans can. Also I would stop using your hand painted plates. Get some dishwasher safe ones.

i have 3 kids aged 5 and under. I put 99% of things in the dishwasher

I do mine and dh lunches while making tea.Dishwasher afterwards.
Quick hoover and tidy and we're sat down by 7.

We send younger two to bed at 7.30, older three are teens and will only sit with us now if there’s something we can all communally watch together e.g Bake Off, Traitors, Stranger Things otherwise they sit in their rooms. Their screens shut down at 9 and they generally go to bed at a similar time on school nights. Yes this may seem strict when the eldest is almost 16 but sleep is important, they’re allowed to stay up later weekends and school holidays.

As for cleaning jobs, I clean as I go when cooking dinner and then will clean up the rest immediately after we finish. Might have washing to put away or something but nothing major. I leave bigger cleaning jobs for the weekend.

I an the same as you. Don't finish all the jobs until 9ish. Husband does just as much as me!
From this thread we are clearly in the minority!

I’ve only read your replies as long thread so might be duplicating suggestions. I’m time poor, but use things that make life easier?

Cordless hoover? Get it out and whizz round most days (3 bed semi). I’m done in 10 minutes. Handheld Hoover (£40 Amazon) for stairs and random spills.

Slow cooker, make dump bags at the weekend? My DD is painfully slow at eating so slow cooker days I start her off sooner, put up the lunches while I talk to her and then we all join her together. Although she’s still normally eating when we’ve finished.

I make two days lunches at once some days, especially if kids are having sausage rolls etc. I use salad bags and bag up snacks for the week then I only need to add fresh stuff.

In the nicest possible way it sounds like you both faff and are very slow. Set a timer for 20 minutes and see what you can get done under pressure 😂

OP, this is me! Admittedly we have a large house and at the end of big extensions and renovations (on and off over 12 years!), so there is always furniture to move or things to sort, but we never sit down in evening. Friends and family are always asking if we've watched this and that, and I'm like no, I haven't watched tv in months! We're home at 6.15pm, kids eat until 7 whilst we do lunches /washes etc. Bath and bedtime for a 2, 7 and 10 year old needs us both and can last until 9pm (eldest doing homework, middle reading to us etc). Then we eat at 9pm, wash up non dishwasher things, sort washing from earlier, finish work (both high-pressure jobs), life admin, dishwasher etc etc. Bed by 11pm with no sitting down. We've accepted it now! We have a weekly cleaner too so we tidy but never clean. Hoping once our house is finally finished we can carve out downtime. You're not alone!

Edited to say I forgot clubs!! Almost every night, which takes one of us out of picture. And 1 or 2 children back later which shifts things out!

I don’t mean this rudely, but I think you hit the nail on the head when you said ‘we’re slow, faffy people’. I have a cousin the same, everything she does is at half the pace of ‘normal’ people, then she complains at how long it takes!
I have a large 5 bed and it’s never taken me longer than half an hour to hoover from top to bottom. Washing up everything from a roast dinner (for example), drying it and putting it away no longer than half an hour. I can’t see how putting a load in the washing machine (going upstairs to the basket, sorting, bringing it downstairs and putting it in the machine) takes any longer than 5 minutes.

We have 2 kids, age 5 and 2.

We have a cleaner once a fortnight.

We need to hoover the downstairs sometimes twice a day because the kids are messy but this takes 2 mins.

We put literally everything in the dishwasher and do no washing up. Our stainless steel pans are fine the dishwasher.

We use the slow cooker a lot. Either put it on the morning before work, or i do it during my lunch break. But i get many people don’t wfh. We also then put the slow cooker pot in the dishwasher!

We don’t put a wash on during the evening, always during the day. I find it’s putting the clean clothes away that takes the most time, which we can’t do in the evenings while the kids are in bed.

Do you have a tumble dryer op?

We don’t make packed lunches, the kids get meals at school and nursery.

We all have dinner together about 5.30. We don’t ever have dessert after dinner and our HV told us not to give the kids anything with sugar before bed, including yoghurts.

Sorry op i also don’t understand why all those tasks were taking you 90 mins.

Yep. Same.

Even if I do it earlier in the day, it will need doing again later! I also have teenagers so ive given up on a peaceful evening

Yes, sounds like they both need to multitask and time manage better. I'm far from militant re housework but didn't I have plenty of time to get chores done and have time for myself.
Start cooking dinner early as I find the school day is long and DS always hungry when he arrives home. Feed snacks then get on with it. Stick on podcast/audiobook and grab the crossword and pop on surface to complete slowly whilst doing jobs. Tidy and clean as go when cooking including loading items into dishwasher, wiping cupboards and washing larger pans etc. Pop the washing machine on. I'm not sure how this constitutes a chore as the machine does the work. Help DS with homework, practising speech recital, piano practice etc. Serve up meal at sensible time to allow for post meal clean and tidy circa 1800. Finish by 1830 ish. Voila.

You're faffers 😁

If you need to sit with child while they eat, one of you can do that and the other tidies up dinner. You can talk about the day as you tidy! You are getting time together/"an evening", just not at the time you want or in the way you want. Chat while you eat dinner, then when most are done, chat while one tidies and the other supervises the stragglers

Sounds like you take ages with each of the chores individually and you don't maximise time by multitasking. Hoovering a 3 bed house should take 15 minutes unless you're doing a detailed hoover/moving furniture etc which you don't need to do that often.

The time you get home makes a big difference too. Home at 5pm vs home at 6.30pm, you've lost 1.5 hours already.

With a slow eater you need to try to eat dinner earlier.

The first adult home should cook dinner. Unloading the dishwasher and lunch prep can be done at the same time e.g. during the time it takes the kettle to boil or the onions to soften or when something is baking in the oven.

Adult 2 can do any essential cleaning when they get in if dinner isn't ready.

When dinner is ready: Serve the kids. Put the pans on to soak whilst the kids get started on dinner then come to join them (this should only take a couple of minutes).

Don't use the hand painted plates/delicate items mid-week, as far as possible use items that can go in the dishwasher. The dishwasher is already empty and pans are soaked so clear up should not take long.

One parent does this plus any further essential cleaning whilst the other supervises bedtime.

I'm learning a lot from this thread. I'm a single parent who works full time, and it feels like the jobs are neverending, but I've also got adhd and, maybe because of that, I'm very inefficient. I'm regularly up doing the jobs and kitchen until 11, and I only have a tiny house which still looks like a tip! Trying to take notes and integrate some tips from here to get some evening back.

I don't really get it - none of those jobs you describe could take more than a few minutes. Also, you could get the kids to do them. Why not have half an hour after dinner where all four of you do all of it together, then relax?

I’m confused as to who cooked dinner? What was the other person doing for 45mins?

Have a sink of hot soapy water ready. Most pans take less than a minute unless they are burnt on. Very easy to do while everyone is faffing about getting drinks and deciding they need the loo just before they sit down.

Even if you put something in to soak it is going to make it quicker afterwards.

I can see if you’re both working full time and not even stepping foot in the door till 6/7pm. But finishing at 4 and 5 you should have more time surely.

I'm a single parent, after school I put the washing on and make dinner. Do the dishes when they're done eating. Read etc (they're 6&8). Hang my laundry to dry and then youngest goes into bed for half 7, eldest and me usually play some switch games till she's asleep. Then he goes to bed. You just have to be efficient to get time in the evening