To not understand how people have an evening.

[Littlebittiredoflife]

My children are 8 and 12 and we've not had an evening for basically that long. 8 year old is in bed by half 8 and older one up later but sorts themselves out. We're always washing up, prepping lunches, putting washing on, unloading dishwasher, until at least 10pm at night. I mean at least one of us is (obviously not me tonight as I'm writing this). I saw someone who said they watch TV together then one of them goes and reads and the other plays video games- are they getting in bed at midnight? Obviously when they were younger and needed more help with sleep and eating I accepted we wouldn't have much time to ourselves, either together or apart but we still don't seem to be getting any.

Also I'm aware we do have an evening but it seems to be spent on routine and never pleasure!

We do as others have said and get things done as we go. Whichever one doesn’t cook then does the dishwasher and it’s unloaded last thing at night or in the morning. I try and get a load of washing done as soon as I get in. I try and put washing away in the morning or when I get home. Tend to put clothes out straight after tea.

We’re out at various club drop offs 4 nights a week and take turns at doing that. Think being busy in the week makes us more efficient as we have to be quicker at getting things done. Fridays are lovely because we come home and relax, maybe have a takeaway and do very little!

I spend my evenings driving my kids to various activities and clubs, fit in a few chores around that and then go sleep about the same time as them, after reading for a bit. I don't really want to spend my evenings in front of the telly so it suits me fine.

I usually get enough of an evening to watch one episode of something, though that's with my teen rather than my partner as we don't watch the same things. But I'm in bed by 9 as I have to get up at half 4 so not much of an evening. Dishes get done straight after dinner and DD empties the dishwasher and does the daily clean of the floors - if you want more time get your children doing chores!

It sounds like tasks are taking you too long.

Use a slow cooker some days, you can eat as soon as you get in and it’s all in one pot to wash (apart from plates and cutlery).

Your youngest needs someone to sit and encourage them at the table but not both of you. Take turns starting the jobs. You can still talk to them whilst you are doing the jobs in the kitchen.

We're the same, but it feels more like a mindful choice.

We don't do many chores during the day, despite working from home, as we're trying to properly prioritise work the same as if we were in an office. May manage to put a load of laundry on during a coffee break but I'd rather go for a walk! Then after school we'd rather spend time with the kids. We spend at least 40-60 minutes sitting together for breakfast and dinner. It's lovely! Meals are usually a sort of buffet style, get loads of things out of the fridge and help yourself to whatever you fancy. Quick to prep and tidy up. They have a hot meal at school. Though we usually have a warm breakfast too. We get some chores done together as a family, trying to instil good habits, but just a smattering. DH will often start early so he can stop work at 4 or so and we either play a board game or head out together when the evenings are lighter. Picnic teas on the beach are a firm fave!

All that means chores happen in the evenings. Weekly shops, all the tidying, laundry, cleaning, life admin etc. We're like you OP, have lots of stuff that can't go in the dishwasher but again that's a choice. Can't remember the last time I sat and watched tv, but again I spend pretty much all day in front of a screen at work so suits me not to do that again in the evening.

It would be easy to look at it and say we're rushed off our feet till 9.30 at night, but it's because we've chosen not to multitask.

We don’t get home until 6.30pm, and have to be in bed by 9 as we are up at 4.30am for work. If I could lie in bed until 7am, then yes, I would get an evening!

Fill sink with hot soapy water before you start cooking and throw stuff in as you finish with it.
get rid of stuff that needs handwashing and replace with stuff that will go in the dishwasher (charity shop can be your friend)
buy silicone / baking paper / tinfoil to line trays that go in the oven
cook and prep food twice a week: make extra and reuse
clean toilets /bathrooms when you are in them
use waiting time to do small jobs (especially in the kitchen)
prioritise having an evening.
i finish work and am home at 5; dinner usually done and kitchen tidy by 6:30. All food work / prep for next day done at the same time as dinner. I have two hours at the weekend to do bigger household jobs and food prep.
You got this OP. Working out process improvement here will make your life massively better. Make sure you are having chill time and getting enough sleep.
ETA laundry folding and sorting in front of the tv so still feels chill. Takes 10-15 mins. Wash runs overnight and then hang first thing in the morning to dry for 24 hours; basket of dry stuff into the lounge to fold in the evening

Mine are 12 and 14. I WFH 3 days a week but the days I'm in the office we're out by 6am. The dc sort themselves out and my mum comes round to see them off and lock up.

I/we get in just after 3, then do meal prep, sort tea for around 5/6 and we have the evening for whatever we want to do. We're normally in bed reading, dp scrolling by 8/9pm

Given you’re home at 4pm, you should definitely be done by 8pm and ready to settle down for the evening. You need to do dinner early and make the packed lunches as you’re doing that. Dishwasher I do in the mornings, and load it after dinner. Hoovering would be done on the weekend. My friend was always still doing stuff at 11pm and I couldn’t understand why. I didn’t get home until 5.45-6 when kids were younger but always had an evening (and am a single parent). Early dinner is key given one child is a slow eater.

It sounds like you’re spending far too much time doing housework on a daily basis, hoovering your entire house should be no more than 30 mins and you’re doing this every day? I only do downstairs every couple of days it takes 5 mins. Whole house on a sat morning. Cooking from scratch every night is taking a lot of your time, most people do this less and will do pizza / pasta / freezer food a few days in the week to save a lot of time and mess. Dishwasher load / washing machine unload is a 10 minute job! It sounds as though you’re making these jobs more complicated than they need to be? But it’s the choices you’re making that is using up your entire evening compared to some mums, by the sounds of it.

Letting the washing machine & dishwasher run while you’re sleeping is a fire risk.

My advice would be to move faster. Although, depending on what’s been happening that evening and what you have on the next day, plus your levels of exhaustion, evenings can vary. My poor teenagers are exhausted. The amount of homework they get is beyond belief. I’m in bed before them some nights if they have a test to revise for.

I had no evening until d's was 13:and I did it all on my own. He calmed down after a year of secondary. He kept going in my room. Always slept late.

Easily done if all hands are on deck.
You need to have to a faster routine and plan.
I don’t really watch TV. DH is firmly on his arse for 7pm every evening.

I can’t believe you cook from a recipe during the week, personally I only do this if I’m batch cooking on weekends or for special dinner nights which isn’t often. This is your problem here OP. On weeknights, we only cook things with min prep, burgers, baked potatoes, omelettes, tortellini etc. . When you cook veg, cook enough for a few days, while you cook low prep stuff you can empty dishwasher or do other stuff in kitchen. Get your kids to help. Anything needs doing past 8pm, I wouldn’t do.

Buy dishwasher safe items, we put everything in dishwasher and if it doesn’t fit then it waits in sink till next day but this is rare.

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary
“Letting the washing machine & dishwasher run while you’re sleeping is a fire risk”
Not true: What would be the earthly point of having an automatic machine of any sort if you couldn’t leave it alone or run when electricity is at a cheaper rate.
maybe look beyond AI, & find what UK fore services say?

I completely relate to this OP. We had more time and more of an evening when the kids were toddlers! Now, it's activities/clubs, packed lunches, washing, cleaning etc. We do have 4 children though which makes it slightly busier! DH and I have just accepted this is life for the foreseeable!

If I do get an evening where I'm done and dusted by 8.30/9, which doesn't happen often, then I usually just go to bed. If I've been on the go from 6am-9pm (I'm a teacher, so I have a fairly physical, go go go job, with usually 10 mins for coffee and 20 mins for lunch, and then I have all that housework that you mention whilst I'm also trying to cook the tea etc) then I'm absolutely knackered.

Imo you need earlier dinner and a hell of a lot less faffing about. Some of your job timings are crazy. 90 minutes to dishwasher, wash up and put laundry on, that's insane! Pre fill the washing up bowl and put everything in as you go, makes washing up much faster.

I’m so confused:
Unload dishwasher - 10 mins
Loading dishwasher - 5 mins max
Wash up/dry up - 15 mins?
Sort laundry/put load on - 10 mins

Total - 40 mins

How is it taking you more than double that?!

I think we fall somewhere in between the two camps. Kids are usually in bed by 8 (they are 5 and 7) although the eldest might read for a while. One of us usually exercises whilst the other does bedtime, the other exercises in the morning or during the day (DH is self employed). Lunchboxes are done in the morning. Washing up is done throughout the day and/or first thing in the morning.

Our routine usually looks like:
8pm: kids asleep. I’m finishing up exercise or showering. DH having a quick tidy up, washing up etc.
8.30pm: I cook dinner whilst watching TV/listening to a podcast. DH relaxes.
9pm: eat dinner together, watch TV, chat.
10pm: bed.

6.30am: DH gets up washes up last night’s dinner bits, throws on some laundry, makes coffee whilst I snooze.
7am: I do lunches whilst DH exercises. Throw the kids a smoothie and a biscuit whilst they watch TV or read for a bit. Make breakfast.
7.30am: I get ready for work. DH exercising. Kids eating breakfast.
8am: Get kids dressed. DH back in.
8.20am: I leave the house.
8.30am: DH/kids leave the house.

Both work full time and I cook everything from scratch. Dishwasher takes 5 mins which husband does. Washing machine takes 5 mins to load but I do all the laundry at the weekend. Do packed lunches in the morning and out the door by 7.30.

I often feel the same, but it’s due to the juggle of after school and evening activities (and we don’t have a dishwasher so washing up takes ages). It’s all the little stuff too - time spent searching for shin pads for PE, late dash to the shop for food tech ingredients for school, homework that needs printing but then the printer decides to stop communicating with the laptop etc. Sometimes I have no idea where the evening goes. I’m constantly trying to be more organised but it still goes to pot when we’re tired and busy.

Mine are the same age, I might get an “evening” while they are pottering about, then we all go to bed. The sweet spot where I had children young enough to go to bed before me but who slept long enough to not start waking before I’d gone to sleep is long gone.