To not understand how people have an evening.

[Littlebittiredoflife]

My children are 8 and 12 and we've not had an evening for basically that long. 8 year old is in bed by half 8 and older one up later but sorts themselves out. We're always washing up, prepping lunches, putting washing on, unloading dishwasher, until at least 10pm at night. I mean at least one of us is (obviously not me tonight as I'm writing this). I saw someone who said they watch TV together then one of them goes and reads and the other plays video games- are they getting in bed at midnight? Obviously when they were younger and needed more help with sleep and eating I accepted we wouldn't have much time to ourselves, either together or apart but we still don't seem to be getting any.

Also I'm aware we do have an evening but it seems to be spent on routine and never pleasure!

I think you need to speed up, our cleaner does our kitchen, 2 bathrooms, bedroom, hoovers and mops entire house in an hour and a half.

Get rid of anything that needs hand washing. Once the dishwasher is finished, open the door, pull the drawers out, and leave it to air dry. If you put it on just after dinner, should be finished before you go to bed and stuff can dry overnight.

Buy colour catchers for the washing and combine as many loads as you can. Fuck off anything that needs special washing, get and use a dryer if you dont have one.

No recipes through the week. One pot wonders, and basics.

For me, I find a combination of being lazy and having low standards helps. I do what others here do: unload the dishwasher while coffee is on, or sweep downstairs floors. I do what takes a few mins only and make it fit that time. If anything on the drainer is still a bit wet, I shake it and put it back on the drainer for later/tomorrow. I do washing most days, time it to finish as I get up, put each separate load away in the evening - takes three mins to sort. If it’s still damp I just leave it a bit longer. I don’t start what I can’t finish quickly. Re low standards, we rarely hoover - usually when we have guests 🙀 but we’re fine with that - it’s a trade-off. When DC were younger I did lunches in the mornings, they now do their own. One of the best things I did was train DC to be self-sufficient in the mornings - they don’t help regularly but I never need to do anything for them now. And they can and do help when prompted. So in essence, because I’m lazy I do things like a whirlwind so I don’t have to spend much time doing them, ignore what I can’t do quickly and accept a slightly lower standard than some might be happy with. I spend a lot of time morning and evening weekdays sitting down!

Yes, this. Although I very rarely follow a recipe and tend to wing things/know what will work so granted this is slightly easier.
Making a lasagne/fish pie etc. cook white sauce, cook Ragu, assemble. Wash white sauce and meat sauce pan. Clean hob etc whilst baking.

My 6 & 10 year old help with washing up after dinner and there school lunch pots etc. lunches are prepped in the morning along with water bottles as left out to air over night. Dinner is planned for each evening of the week based on what we’re doing/clubs. Children eat no later than 6:30 - sometimes earlier if at late clubs for example football training DD is out 5:30-7:30/8pm depending where she’s training so eats at 5. I prep a snack for the car on way home. DS is in bed by 7/7:30 and reads a little. DD loves reading so if home and not in a late club she will head off a similar time and read until 8:30 before going to sleep. DH and I will eat if not eating with the kids around 7:30 and one will cook whilst other is running around with clubs or putting DS to bed. We sit down and eat together, quick was up and then sit down until 10 together. (One will usually wash up around the other cooking) it’s do able but requires multitasking and we hoover ect on weekend

Robovac (carry it to a different room/floor each evening).

Line all oven pans with grease proof paper before use (reduces washing up) and put frying pans on to soak before eating so they take a moment to wash up.

Get a second freezer. Batch cook chicken curry, pork chop casserole, beef stew, macaroni cheese….

Get a slow cooker and put dinner on in the morning before work.

What isn’t done by 8.30 doesn’t get done. Life will go on. You deserve time together - and sleep.

Put them on school dinners. Packed lunches are the Bain of my life in school holidays. No was I am doing it term time as well. Really don’t believe it works out much cheaper plus they are getting a hot meal in the day so if they have something basic like beans on toast in the evening it’s less of an issue

We sometimes do this. Tomorrow is another day. Just relax for an evening.

I do lunches part evening and part morning. Washing done in the day or at weekends, never in evening. Dishwasher we only run every few days and unloaded in morning, other washing up done straight after dinner. We are normally free from about 8/830pm with kids turned in etc.

I think this nails it. Prioritise time for yourselves. Is so easy to think "I will relax after I've just [insert boring chore here]" and before you know it there are no more chores but no more time. If you let some things go, you'll find you have time.

I got out of bed at 6:40ish.
dh was up 15mins before me. He was washed (hair and face) and dressed and leaving the bedroom as I was getting out of the bed.
i go it dressed.
came downstairs- made a rice salad do my lunch today. (With leftover rice from last night.) made lunches for the dc. Rolls in the oven. Fruit/ chopped veg and other bits.
drank a cup of tea and taken my meds
dh had his brekkie, did the washing up and sorted bags (I eat brekkie in work as I can’t eat too early).
this is my kitchen right now…nothing to stress over. No mess made. Tidy as we go etc
and I had time to message on here 😂

the kids will be down for their breakfast soon and it will stay the same way

I don’t understand this at all as we always have an evening!

That said, I have a cleaner, insist my kids have school dinners (so I often given them the equivalent of a packed lunch for tea for speed - sandwich, yoghurt, banana) and I often slung washing in on my wfh days.

I timed how long it takes me to empty my (slimline, so 2/3 of the size) dishwasher the other day because I end up putting it off which is ridiculous. It took 3 minutes. It takes about that long to load it too.

I bought inexpensive dishwasher safe oven dishes and pans because life is too short to be washing all that stuff up. Same on knives and most wooden utensils. Wooden bread board gets hand washed once a week. Crystal glasses get hand washed but I don't use those every day.

Then you DO understand!
You are not doing cleaning that someone else has done, you are not cooking a hot meal from scratch (and thus not clearing up) and do not need to do your washing in the evening.
If you did all those things then the free time in your evening would be curtailed.
No judgement - but don't say you don't understand.

I also don't understand how that takes all evening unless you mean you start at 9?

We tidy up from tea while everyone is finishing eating and the DCs help. All plates scraped and in the dishwasher before you leave the dining room. I sometimes wash up from cooking if DH cooked, while he's dishing up. Dishwasher gets switched on before bed if it's full, emptied in the morning.
Washing gets put on in the morning or at night it's on a timer. TBF DH is retired so he'd hang it up but that's about it from your after dinner tasks.
Nobody has packed lunch (or if I do, I prep salad or soup at the weekends for the whole week).
DD goes to bed around 8/8.30 depending on activities and DS 9. We either watch TV with them or do a few extra jobs or yesterday I was reading a book while DS watched a nature programme. Last night we started an episode of House at about 9.15 and then I went up for a bath because it was freezing and I wanted to warm up!

Can I get her number? 🤣

I get home at 4 most days. Get the kids a snack and get them ready for whichever clubs they have. DH usually takes them to their clubs and I cook dinner/make lunches and do a little bit of housework while they’re out. We usually eat at 6. Our kids take ages too so we sit with them for a while but then one of us will do the washing up and dishwasher while they’re finishing. There’s a limit to how long I will sit there watching them not eat. The dishwasher gets emptied first thing in the morning usually but sometimes runs twice (big family) or wasn’t full the night before and goes on after breakfast so then gets emptied while I’m cooking and dirty stuff goes straight into it. We always have some washing up to do too but it doesn’t take long, maybe 15 minutes at most. I leave it to drain. Make sure downstairs floors are clear and turn on robot vacuum. Start the bed process around 7.30. Shower, teeth, pyjamas, reading. Youngest (7) in bed around 8, next youngest (10) similar but can read/draw/play quietly in bed. Teenage and adult dc sort themselves out 😆, usually long after I’m in bed.
Once they’re in bed I shower and get my pyjamas on. Hang up washing/fold previous load and put it away. Sort next days load. Go downstairs, make a cup of tea, put washing up away. Sit and watch something with dh for an hour then go to bed and read for 15/30 minutes before going to sleep. Sleep at 10.30, up at 6.

Anyway OP, I appear to be busy/chaotic/time poor as well as I usually sit down myself around 11pm with an orange, a decaf and a bit of telly.
I work full time from home and am a lone parent to a 16 yo.
However, the bit between work finishing and 11pm isn't just running around, there might be sport (either/both me and DS) and showers.

So why does OP do these things? Ok the cleaner might be unaffordable but the other things aren’t costly. For example, we don’t ever wash up - we only buy stuff that can go in the dishwasher and we cook simple things for ourselves in the week. Last night we had an omelette and the night before we had a curry from the slow cooker. very few things even for the dishwasher.

If I don’t have a wfh day I do laundry in evenings and weekends. Takes me 5 mins to put it on then when it comes out of the dryer I sit and fold it in front of the tv.

I sometimes find that people with the most available time take the longest to do things!

You know, I nearly posted the exact same post last night as I am in the same boat and so fed up. We do have a routine but by the time elest is in bed 8:30/9pm. I am ready for bed or I fall asleep while finding something on netflix. My eldest is 9 so 9 years of it now. Im so jealous of people who have their partner to help them too, DH works away Mon- Fri.

Can you tell I love it 😂😂😂😂