To not understand how people have an evening.

[Littlebittiredoflife]

My children are 8 and 12 and we've not had an evening for basically that long. 8 year old is in bed by half 8 and older one up later but sorts themselves out. We're always washing up, prepping lunches, putting washing on, unloading dishwasher, until at least 10pm at night. I mean at least one of us is (obviously not me tonight as I'm writing this). I saw someone who said they watch TV together then one of them goes and reads and the other plays video games- are they getting in bed at midnight? Obviously when they were younger and needed more help with sleep and eating I accepted we wouldn't have much time to ourselves, either together or apart but we still don't seem to be getting any.

Also I'm aware we do have an evening but it seems to be spent on routine and never pleasure!

So you both never sit together and watch a tv show or play a board game or whatever you like to do? One of you is always doing bloody laundry or washing the dishes that can’t go in the dishwasher you bought?

Pigs would fly before I would cook twice in the evening, toastie or not 😂😂

@Kitchenbattlefair! It works for us as we don’t like to eat that early and the kids don’t like spicy food which we eat a lot of, we eat together on the weekends and I’m sure as they get older and more able to survive past 6pm without food we will eat together every night. Making a toastie is hardly cooking though 😂

I just estimated the washing up as I was sat watching an hour show. He was done before the programme finished but I didn't physically time him. We did have about an hour together after I'd finish the TV show I was watching. The other jobs were all done so that that's an improvement on my first night.

I really don’t get why washing up takes so long - surely you use like one or two pots/pans/trays maximum to make a meal, a wooden spoon, serving spoon, few plates and a couple of sets of cutlery. The plates and cutlery and serving spoon can all be dishwashed as can probably at least one pot/pan. So you’re washing up like one pan and a wooden spoon and it’s half an hour?!

We made it a rule to sit with our kid and actually talk. He was able to do table manners and use a knife and fork. No devices allowed at the table. Yes it was a ball ache when younger and didn’t always work out. Even now we all sit at table and DS is 16. We talk to each other and watch some tv together as a family.

We do the same with DDs who are 4 and 1! It’s earlier than we would like to eat but makes sense and we enjoy the time together after nursery/work and before bed

Wouldn’t it make more sense for you to both do the washing up together and start your evening earlier?

I'm not sure how two people can wash up at the same time?

One wash up, one put away?

One wash and one dry/put away…

Well, yes. But you also don’t seem to know how to carve out time for yourself in the evening so it’s worth having a wee think about. One wash up and one dry and put away. To be honest an 8 and 12 year old should be doing this. But then you should also have far fewer dishes that can’t go in a dishwasher otherwise what’s the point?

If I was you I'd make it a habit to empty the dishwasher in the morning before work. I know you mentioned you don't have time but I'd really try to squeeze it in.

That way you can immediately fill it with the breakfast dishes before you go out, and then later put in any cups etc from before dinner, and then anything else as you cook dinner (eg if you drain vegetables just bung the pan straight in).

Always put the dishwasher on after dinner and empty first thing in the morning. It makes such a difference.

Unless you wash up everything, and even then it's a stretch, how on earth is it taking half an hour?!

I think you've had a rough ride on here.
So it takes half an hour to wash some bits up... Oh well.
It takes me ages to do anything usually because I'm distracted by one thing or another.

OP, could you be dealing with a neurodivergent household? I have the same problem - feel like we hardly ever get an evening. Everything takes ages. DH takes hours to do the washing up and clean the kitchen floor - I feel he massively procrastinates, it’s very common in ADHD.

Two of my DDs also have ADHD. My youngest (age 10, medicated) takes ages to eat, do homework, get ready for bed, take her multivitamins etc - it drives us round the bend but it’s just part of our life. My eldest (14) always wants to start chatting to us between 9 and 10pm; she suffers from mental health issues as well as ADHD emotional disregulation, and gets upset when we gently explain that we parents need some time to ourselves too.

I’m exhausted by 10pm but that’s when my evening starts - I just get less sleep than I need, but I’ve had to do it to claw back some quiet time to myself. Sadly DH and I rarely spend any time together as a result.

There are 7 of us, 5 of whom are in adult sized clothing so it is just never ending! Folding/sorting it is the bane of my life

I’m inclined to think along these lines too @Littlebittiredoflife these things shouldn’t be taking that long but perhaps there are ND tendencies here.
now I did wfh today but dd chopped the veggies for dinner when she got home and I started dinner at 16:25, we have eaten, tidied up, filled the dishwasher and washed one pan. And I am now in the bath…
DS and DD Are doing homework.
Dp is watching tv.

Ugh god sounds like you’re running a laundromat. I don’t fold much though. Most clothes are folded over once and rolled like a burrito which is quicker and more forgiving. Pants and socks just get flung in their respective person’s drawer unceremoniously. We all wear one colour of socks each so there’s no sorting.

5 adult sized people are all able to contribute to the house and split the chores so there shouldn’t be anything that’s the bane of your life (disabilities etc aside)

True

The person standing at the sink is the only one who would be able to reach the draining board so we usually leave it to dry overnight and do it the next evening. Yesterday it was four bowls, one plate, two lunch pots, four glasses (in fact other days it would be more glasses as we don't want to ruin them like we have seen at other houses) and one oven tray. Plus all recyclables.

I am out of the house 8-4 everyday. Drop kids on my way to work and pick up on the way home.

I get up at 5.30 every week day and make lunches, iron yesterdays washing, sort kids for school and we leave at 8. House is spotless when we leave with all beds made.

When we get home at 4 I always start dinner straight away ready to eat at 5/5.30. I eat with the kids and my husband reheats later. I cannot cook twice or late. Kids to clubs if needed. I clean the kitchen after dinner and hoover each night. Kids tidy as they go and everything is tidy and away before bed.

I do a dark wash every night plus either a white or mid colour. Hung to dry or into the tumble drier and if in the tumble it goes away as soon as it’s done. Ironing of hanging clothes is done the next morning even though still wet and I then hang on bedroom doors to dry and the kids put them away when they get home from school.

Food shopping is delivered on a Sunday. Washing each days means minimal at the weekend. I wash beds every two weeks either on a weekend day or occasionally I have a week day off. I clean as I go with half a day spent at the weekend doing a bigger clean.

It’s non stop but it means nothing is ever messy or overwhelming as I try and stay on top as much as I can.

After dinner aside from washing I don’t do anymore jobs. Once dinner is tidied up jobs done I shower and that’s me done unless on club runs. If not clubs I am usually done by 6.30 and can relax with the kids for the evening and husband joins us once home and sorted.

It is a lot but it works and my evenings sat down with my family are so important and worth the non stop days and early starts!

Not as far as I am aware and school never mention anything. I see traits but nothing like children I've worked with in the past.

Definitely some mental health things going on for me though.