To not understand how people have an evening.

[Littlebittiredoflife]

My children are 8 and 12 and we've not had an evening for basically that long. 8 year old is in bed by half 8 and older one up later but sorts themselves out. We're always washing up, prepping lunches, putting washing on, unloading dishwasher, until at least 10pm at night. I mean at least one of us is (obviously not me tonight as I'm writing this). I saw someone who said they watch TV together then one of them goes and reads and the other plays video games- are they getting in bed at midnight? Obviously when they were younger and needed more help with sleep and eating I accepted we wouldn't have much time to ourselves, either together or apart but we still don't seem to be getting any.

Also I'm aware we do have an evening but it seems to be spent on routine and never pleasure!

I'm sorry but how on earth is that taking you an hour? You're describing a max of 5 minutes worth of work.

I estimated half hour for partner yesterday. It may have been twenty minutes. And four waterbottles. About 8 things for recycling. I don't know why it takes him so long to wash up.

Would it be better to wash up and forget the dishwasher during the week, doing the dishwasher seems to be a thing.

Even at 20 minutes that is ridiculous unless he's faffing about doing other things at the same time.

The more you post, the more it sounds like an organisation and time management issue.

Washing up things for recycling?! What?

I also have a rule that I cannot sit anywhere until after dinner and I’ve had a shower and everything is done once we get home. I can sit on the stair but nowhere else as it spurs me onto get everything done for my reward of sitting on the sofa 😂

I forgot he does wipe the table all side and the hob and splash back every night too.

But again, you're describing a minute or two's worth of jobs - nothing that should be significantly eating into your evening or causing you not to have time together.

Well they do need to be rinsed…but that’s it imo

One of you cooks, the other does the scut and washes up as you finish with stuff.

We have Hello Fresh meals 4 nights a week, we tend to have a roast on Sunday or something from scratch that's equally considered, then I batch cook very cheap, really simple meals to put in the freezer for the other 2 nights, mostly from scratch and often using leftover meat from the week - family favourites that aren't mince:

• Chicken/lamb curry - I buy spice kits online https://mrsbalbirsingh.com/ or if I'm in a rush or need to save money just buy a few Pataks jars or similar and prepare with chicken and veg as a big batch. It freezes well.
• Chicken/bacon/nduja/lentil pasta sauces - any combination of chicken, chicken & bacon, bacon, lentils, chicken & nduja... Whatever needs using up, most often prepared as an arrabiata sauce made from passata, onions, garlic and chilli, dash of lemon juice, fresh tomatoes too if I have any in. Big batch and freeze.
• If I have veg I need to use up, I'll roast them and blend them into passata with garlic and chilli (blended because my son won't eat lumpy pasta sauce) to make a roasted vegetable sauce that can be added to any cooked meat/protein and frozen.
• Spanish chicken casserole - sliced red and green bell peppers, onion, chicken thighs or breast, chopped chorizo, chopped tomatoes, chicken stock, your preferred beans, olives if your kids like them, paprika to taste. A good one to bung in the slow cooker, serve with rice or crusty bread.
• Fajita mix - chicken or steak strips, sliced red and green bell peppers, onion, spice mix from Sainsbury's. I don't cook and freeze as it doesn't taste good at ALL reheated. But cutting it all up, combining it in meal-sized bags with the spices and freezing it means it's really easy to take out of the freezer, defrost and cook.

If you can get the kids to eat mince again, burritos are my son's absolute favourite food - beef mince AND pork mince, loads of minced garlic and finely chopped onion, sieved chopped tomatoes so only the lumps go in (I save the juice and use it one of the above pasta dishes), sweetcorn, canned beans of your choice, black eyed beans, a large bunch of coriander, cumin, paprika and Frank's red hot sauce to taste. I used to make it very mild and the grown ups would add more hot sauce to each burrito they made, now we make it nuclear. Serve in a big bowl at the table with tortilla wraps, soured cream, jalapenos, cheese, rice and guacamole.

Yes rinse obviously, but a full wash up isn't needed. 8 things for rinsing is about 1 minute.

You could try making chores into speed challenges. I got this idea from my DD who does it with putting away her clean laundry.

Sometimes I empty most of the dishwasher during the minute it takes to warm up my mug of tea.

I know exactly what you mean about not having an evening and my DC are similar ages. I often think the same, perhaps because I am comparing to evenings before having children. For me it's not about counting the time it takes to do each little job, it just all adds up, tidying up, encouraging children to wash, brush teeth, homework, laundry, family admin and responding to questions like "Why does my nose hurt?" or "Can you do x, y or z?" It just seems non stop. I do my own stuff inbetween these endless tasks but I absolutely know what you mean about not having an evening.

Do you just save everything up? Like you take about water bottles being on the drainer all day to wash and all night to dry? And all of them?

We would just wash them as soon as in, dry immediately and pop back in drawer with lid off for next day. In fact that’s what my 5 year old does alone with his own snack box and water bottles every day.

We don’t really have an evening though. 6pm we are all home and finished working. Cook, spend time with Ds. Ds goes to bed around 8.30pm but takes forever so I sit with him until about 9.30pm. Then I just shower, bed, book if time and sleep by 10.30pm. We are all up by 6am latest.

https://theorganisedmethod.com/get-started/

I would really look into the above app as things seem to be taking far too long.

Load the dishwasher, wash up a few things and give everything a wipe down is a ten minute job at most.

I do this too - I got it from Kim and Aggie on How Clean is Your House

So when the kettle is boiling or the microwave is on, get as much done as you can before the timer goes off - empty the washing, put the dishes away, sweep and mop the floors - whatever.

We have four animals so vacuum/sweep everyday to keep on top of pet hair and honestly it barely takes a minute to do the kitchen floors. I do it while my bread is in the toaster normally!

@Littlebittiredoflife
What did you do between finishing hoovering etc at 6pm and eating at 7.15?

Op I feel for you, and with the 12 yo getting older unfortunately it gets worse as 15 and 18yo up much later

I've read most of the thread (I find these types of things oddly fascinating, like a glimpse into others lives/homes 😅)

We have a 1yo and a 3yo and we both work full-time, however my job is very flexible in that I WFH at least a couple of days or three afternoons a week which helps MASSIVELY!!! I find when I'm out all day I end up chasing my tail, whereas without the commute I can keep on top of the basics more easily. I fully empathise with families who have both parents out every day as I find those days very full-on.

My husband gets home with the kids at around 5.45 and I'll usually have dinner ready - if I've been in the office I'll get home around the same time, so on those nights I'll reheat something or throw something really quick on. While doing dinner I'll have sorted dishwasher or quickly put clean washing away etc.

I aim to only properly cook twice during the week and make a big portion (we usually don't mind repeating a meal) and I'll plan that cooking for my WFH days. So this week for example I cooked on Monday (a big pie) and Tuesday (pasta bake) and we ate those again on Wednesday & Thursday. We always have pizza on a Friday.

We've usually eaten and cleaned up after dinner by 6.30, I throw on a wash then too. Play with the kids until around 7, then we take one each for bedtime - back downstairs any time between 7.30-8.15 depending on how easily our kid has fallen asleep and how long we've vegged out on our phone beside them 🤣 whoever is down first will tidy up toys, wipe counters, hang up the washing (dehumidifier dries it overnight), maybe a quick hoover. We're generally both sitting down by 8.30 latest. My standards are also quite low at the moment - there are very few deep cleans going on here 🙈

I do this too, and really enjoy the sense of achievement I get, it's like I've taken my time back or something! 🤣

My husband has ADHD and absolutely cannot manage this kind of multitasking. If he's cooking, he's cooking and he cannot cope with doing something else during that time! If I asked him to quickly empty the dishwasher while waiting for his soup to heat up in the microwave he'd look at me like I was crazy 😅

This is a little like us but we are much more challenged. I wfh Monday and Friday and use all my wfh flex on those days for the kids, the gardener, post office errands et , I take them to basketball after school those days and home for piano, so don’t do any housework really as I do need to do work. Tues wed Thurs dh arrives home with the kids about 6:15 and I don’t get home from work till 7, I start a bit late after the drop off. Add in dh and I trying to do some exercise Monday Tues and Thurs, evening work meetings and other committee meetings and kids who don’t go to bed very well, and it’s chaos.

Recycling needs to be clean, if it isn’t it can mean the whole lorry load is rejected. We shove our tins and glass in the dish washer and rinse out the plastic

I can't remember, but it clearly wasn't useful

This is absolutely ridiculous. A whole lorry load of recycling materials rejected because someone didn't rinse a tin of beans? How can men be so stupid? Oh no, there are beans on this metal. We must landfill this lorry load of material and instead go and mine for new ore. That will be much cheaper and easier than rinsing these already refined materials.

I feel for you. It can all get quite overwhelming, and then the irony is that you’re too exhausted to be efficient and make the most of the free time you could have. I definitely suffer from revenge procrastination.

Some good advice on here, especially building incentives for the kids to help out wherever possible.