To not understand how people have an evening.

[Littlebittiredoflife]

My children are 8 and 12 and we've not had an evening for basically that long. 8 year old is in bed by half 8 and older one up later but sorts themselves out. We're always washing up, prepping lunches, putting washing on, unloading dishwasher, until at least 10pm at night. I mean at least one of us is (obviously not me tonight as I'm writing this). I saw someone who said they watch TV together then one of them goes and reads and the other plays video games- are they getting in bed at midnight? Obviously when they were younger and needed more help with sleep and eating I accepted we wouldn't have much time to ourselves, either together or apart but we still don't seem to be getting any.

Also I'm aware we do have an evening but it seems to be spent on routine and never pleasure!

In general my tops smell after one day of wear. I've come to the conclusion that either I smell more than other people or my nose is more sensitive than other people's.

Also I think you misunderstood my post. I said I wouldn’t wear a top 2 days in a row. I don’t give a shit what you do!

I agree.

People make such a rod for their own backs and it seems to make parenting utterly horrific.

It’s an unpopular opinion, but it starts with no routine for babies, co-sleeping, baby led weaning, pandering to every fussy eating whim, rocking to sleep, over-stimulated toddlers who expect constant attention and entertainment.

Then it turns into excessive after-school clubs and activities, hovering around homework, unnecessary washing and cleaning, not saying no, letting kids rule the house, cooking different meals, not calling out poor behaviour, not setting chores.

My kids thrived on a bit of neglect and I actually enjoyed raising them. Now it just sounds so miserable.

Yup. You ask the household to put their dirty stuff in the wash and they scoop up whatever’s on the floor (often the clean clothes waiting to be put away) into the washing basket.

Or we could all accept that everyone has a different evening and everyone has a different idea of what needs doing daily.

To be honest, I wouldn’t have posted the original question as everyones family/house is different. Our kids are not particularly into clubs but I have friends with kids doing clubs who are out till late in the evening, juggling meals in between clubs. I wouldn’t want that but friends with kids who are passionate about a particular sport do it. Some families have both parents home by 5, some are WFH and can get things done in a lunch break and some are juggling with one parent till late in the evening.

I’d say I like the house/clothes etc very clean but thats me and i’d rather lose a tv programme than lower my own personal standards (I do relax properly at the weekend and always get plenty of outdoor time). I wouldn’t judge others though on how they run their house though.

OP - if you feel you are doing what you want to do everyday and you are happy, then dont worry. If its making you unhappy not having evenings to sit down, then there are plenty of tips in this post. I suppose it all depends on what you feel you want to do for your children every day/what you would want to drop doing?

My little one is younger, hes only 3. He goes to bed at 7.30 and then once hes asleep we have the evening to ourselves pretty much. We have our dinner, I cook while my partner settles him to sleep and then we eat and watch tv etc. All chores I do during the early evening while son is still awake. Then all we have to do is pop our plates in the dishwasher after we've eaten.

How does it dry overnight on an airer in the winter? If I put wet washing on an airer in the Summer indoors, it still wouldn’t be dry by the morning? Ive got 3 bathrooms with several towels in each, 3 sets of bedding (us sbd the kids) you cant air that overnight 😂 You must use your tumble dryer alot.

Couldn’t read this and all the replies without jumping in to say I feeeeeel this!

currently it’s 8pm. My youngest is nearly in bed. I picked kids at 6.30 after getting an early train home from work, got home and came straight up to do bed. Usual battles due to asd/adhd, it’s 8pm and I still have one child to do. Hopefully out of her room at 9, downstairs, clear up chaos from the day while cooking, do dishwasher/washing as needed while cooking, eat hopefully by 9.30 and then collapse at 10. Can’t go to bed any later as I have to get up at 5.30 to do lunches etc and make up for the hours I inevitably miss because I have to do the school run and am late to the office…..😳 it is relentless. And I think my husband and I will never have a non exhausted and irritable conversation again 😂

Sounds extremely unhealthy, stressful and exhausting. Today's way of both parents working all hours is horrendous.

Washer dryer. Life changing. I can’t believe people are still titting around with wet washing in this day and age!

Where is your husband?

Why are your clean clothes on the floor?

Same here OP - get home from work (knackered, and usually food shop on the way home), usually DC have sports/clubs to be taken to, then homework (can be challenging to get them to do it), prepare quick dinner, get DC to bed (can be challenging), then we have anything we didnt get done between getting home from work and then: our dinner, washing up, laundry, lunches, bins, pets, cleaning, tidying, preparing for work & school for the next day etc. By then I’m too knackered to do anything except sleep, often I’m too tired to eat dinner, lucky if I brush my teeth 😫
Money would help reduce chores - cleaner, buying lunches etc - but we’re absolutely skint

Nope
It dries in my utility which is toasty as the boiler is in there, its the warmest room in the house

Quick TD anything still damp
Summer I hang it out

Scrap the food shop on the way home. Get a delivery early on a Saturday morning that will do the whole week, plan the meals and batch cook/double up.

What is your 8 year old doing in all this? 12 year old is doing what the 8 year old is more than capable of. My kids were emptying/filling dishwasher at 5, there’s lists you can look up if age appropriate chores and usually they’re capable of more than what’s suggested.

Our dishwasher broke and I felt like this, after 6 arduous months we got a new one and it’s helped us get our evenings back. In addition we don’t live in a spotless house and leave some dishes on the side for the morning etc. I loathe making lunches as they seem to drag me back into the kitchen for ages so I now have a system and can make them in 10 mins if I’m not faffing about.

oh and we have a robot hoover! Can be set off from anywhere via an app on our phones.

Thanks for the advice, but unfortunately we don’t have fridge or freezer space for big shops or batch cooking

Super sucks that for most of us, the cost of living is now so high that both parents have to work all hours. Jobs market in many fields is a nightmare for applicants at the moment too.

Get a cleaner. Batch cook. Get the kids to do chores. There are two adults doing things as well. Which helps.

I was a single parent, doing a professional doctorate when my child was that age. It was basically working /attending uni for full time hours over 5 days, with a commute, plus having to write up my thesis outside of work time, and I felt like I had down time.

How are you all getting your primary aged children to empty the dishwasher? My admittedly short 10 year old still can’t reach half the cupboards, even with a step.

Cooking is taking up too much of your time, batch cook and freeze there are loads and loads of batch cooking pages and recipes on TikTok
Get a robot vac, we have one that vacuums and mops I don’t need to hoover the downstairs very often now I just do the stairs and upstairs.

It takes 5 minutes or less to unload the dishwasher, I timed it once while something was in the microwave so you could do that when you get home then load the dinner dishes.

No-one has been home all day there cannot be enough dishes for a full load after one dinner so it doesn’t need to go in again until the next day surely?

Washing goes on as soon as you get home then it’s ready to hang out or go in the dryer after dinner. Bring it down in the morning and dump it next to the machine so it’s ready.

Make the lunches when dinner is cooking, whoever is cooking if the other one is busy. Or do the washing up then.

Sometimes though you just have to sit down and have an evening even if pots aren’t washed.

Put everything in the dishwasher. All my roasting tins etc go in the dishwasher. I have been doing this for 40 rears. Get a bit of kitchen towel and wipe of most of the grease first. Get some new plates to use. Don’t buy things that don’t go in the dishwasher.

My experience is very similar to yours OP but ours is more because of clubs. But we’re all home from 6 from work then one child will need taking to a club at least. A meal happens between 6-8pm somehow and then we’ve at least a washing load to get through, clean kitchen up, make lunches and get kids to bed. We’ve 3 kids between 9-13. We also do jobs in the am but they just generate a lot of mess! I pass out at 9:30 by the time they’re all in bed as I’m up at 5:30 and need sleep. Husband does get an hour to himself if he’s lucky. But we don’t really see each other much in the week beyond jobs. I’m sure it’ll get easier at some point