To not understand how people have an evening.

[Littlebittiredoflife]

My children are 8 and 12 and we've not had an evening for basically that long. 8 year old is in bed by half 8 and older one up later but sorts themselves out. We're always washing up, prepping lunches, putting washing on, unloading dishwasher, until at least 10pm at night. I mean at least one of us is (obviously not me tonight as I'm writing this). I saw someone who said they watch TV together then one of them goes and reads and the other plays video games- are they getting in bed at midnight? Obviously when they were younger and needed more help with sleep and eating I accepted we wouldn't have much time to ourselves, either together or apart but we still don't seem to be getting any.

Also I'm aware we do have an evening but it seems to be spent on routine and never pleasure!

You cannot have small children come home from school and tell them to tidy their rooms, it's simply not fair.

Imagine if you'd been in the office all day, then someone said go tidy your room once you got home??? Er no, I just want to chill thanks.

You don't have to brown the meat or onions.

It's not a time saver - it's a redistributer. Is that a word? Is now.

A week night after school does feel like an odd time to get kids to tidy their rooms. Surely it can wait until the weekend?

I’ve tried it without browning the meat and onions and I didn’t like how it turned out.

Its a time saver as it takes not even 10 mins to get going and you can cook enough to freeze. I never use it unless I'm going to get 3 meals out of it. Even using it once a week makes such a difference.

Agree, that’s sad!

Have older teens and a 7 yr old. We have an evening relaxing most evenings unless it’s rugby night for my eldest. Dinner by 6.30pm. Older two sort themselves and we either have one or another or all children with us or we relax alone. Last night we played a board game and watched a film.

Lately parenting on MN just sounds so unutterably depressing. Life is so short, I cant bear thr thought of a chunk of it being like this. Can I ask, is it like forgetting the pain of childbirth, that when you have young children you feel ok about it at the time rather than just wondering why you are living this terrible restricted life? I think its more restrictive now than when my friends were going through it in the 90s, I think people generally had kids younger and didnt have to work to survive. Also had money for themselves.

Fill the sink with hot soapy water and as you finished with something put it in. By the time you’ve finished cooking, most of it just needs rinsing

I love having young children. Yeah it can be exhausting sometimes, but I wouldn’t change them for the world.
Yeah I’d rather not have to work as much as I do, but it’s work that’s the issue, not the kids!

You're missing the whole point of a slow cooker
You don't have to do any of that

Only read the opening post but I don’t relate at all - I’m a sahm so maybe bc I get all the housework done during the day.

All I do of an evening is make and clear up dinner (or dh & the dcs clear up).

Obviously if you both work full time it’s much harder to carve out time in the evening.

Id just concentrate on dinner of an evening and leave all the housework for the weekend maybe?

I think it’s the whole ‘living in the UK’ package that’s depressing. I have worked hard all my life, as has my husband. We earn a fortune, but so much of it goes in tax and housing ourselves in a fairly average 4 bed semi in the SE it’s ludicrous. Commuting’s expensive too, as is childcare even if it is just afterschool clubs now.

This exhausting life would be more worth it if I had enough spare money to have an overseas holiday a year or our taxes funded good public services but I don’t know where our taxes go. I spoke to the GP last week about whether there were any professionals who could help with my children not sleeping through and they said CAMHS used to do this but no longer offer it.

Most young professionals I know have chosen not to have kids, live in a smaller house and have time to do things that interest them. It’s not for me but is understandable.

Every recipe says you do. Maybe I should just bite the bullet and put everything in and see what happens.

I make loads of stuff in mine that I just bung in. Spag Bol, chilli, stews - all come out delicious.

If you’re really bothered about following recipes to the t ie browning the meat first you can buy ones with that function.

Working hours make a lot of difference here, and working from home.
I wfh so cook dinner, eat mine & clear up at lunchtime. Finish work then school run from 2.55pm - 3.40pm. Once home, spend time with DD, empty lunch bag and make tomorrow’s school lunch while finishing off any dinner prep for DH and DD, put out any washing, sort out pet’s food. DH home 5ish & he and DD eat dinner & we catch up at table. DH empties and reloads dishwasher and anything else that needs doing while if it’s bath night for DD I do that upstairs or if not I wipe around kitchen / hoover if needed / pack any washing away. Usually put another wash on. DH works 2nd job some evenings from 6.30pm-ish so once he goes I spend time with DD and do bedtime from 7.45pm - 8.10pm. Occasional evenings however I have to work so DH is at home for DD bedtime etc.

I go to bed early but like to read there etc, and all told I usually have 2 hours to myself before I go to sleep.

Go to IKEA and buy dishwasher safe plates and pans. There’s no need to be both loading and unloading a dishwasher and washing up. Put foil on the baking tray so it doesn’t get dirty.

I can't understand how it can take so long to do all these things!

Have you tried doing things faster? Or giving yourself time limits eg I will hoover for 15 mins and then stop. I have a 6 bedroom 3 bathroom house and I can hoover the lot in less than half an hour if I put my mind to it.

I recently bought a robot hoover (recommended on here) for less than £100 and it's brilliant, you can set it off when you go to work and come home to a hoovered house. You can get ones which wash the floor too apparently.

Have you considered getting a cleaner to take the pressure off a bit?

Things to make it faster:

SW22 Lithium Power Sweeper | Eco Sweeper | Gtech
I have one of these which I use in the kitchen to hoover up after meal prep, it takes about 2 mins to hoover the whole thing and it's a big room

Vileda 1-2 Spray Mop, Microfibre Flat Floor Spray Mop with Extra Head Replacement, Set of 1x Mop and 1x Refill : Amazon.co.uk: Grocery
This is brilliant and always ready to go, use after above quick hoover

I would def get kids involved in the chores, no reason why an 8yo/12yo can't empty a dishwasher or do the drying up. If you don't do it now you will be their slaves for life!

Also could you get 12yo to read to 8yo sometimes

I would be actually having a conversation with them along the lines of you are both run ragged and need some help, and that they need to take more responsibility for their own stuff. My dd was making her own packed lunches from the age of 11 for eg and she would do cooking/cleaning up.

Life’s what you make it. OP is choosing not to have an evening as far as I’m concerned.

I have 2 kids and in my own. We eat at 5pm, I tidy kitchen whilst they get ready for clubs. Their clubs tend to alternate nights so child who is club free does homework whilst other in class. Home around 730, quick tidy whilst they get ready for bed. 8-830 is story and cuddles with youngest and 830-915 is time with oldest. I relax 930-1030

We usually try to eat a sofa dinner together while watching an hour of a drama series usually 7-8pm youngest DC goes to bed before this, older afterwards. As I cook, he cleans up. I then faff about prepping lunches/uniform/work clothes and try to get some downtime in my room before bed reading etc.

I think I'm just going to have to accept we are both slow faffy people 😅

Ive just read all of your posts OP and I do think it’s mainly this ⬆️

Then unload dishwasher (we don't seem to have time in morning) dry up and wash up, sort and put load of washing on. Took at least 1.5 hours for one person

Unloading & loading the dishwasher takes me about 5 minutes 😳 about 2 minutes to throw in a load of washing.

And I very rarely hand wash pots - that’s bonkers if you have a dishwasher. Buy crockery and pans you can put in the dishwasher - why are you using Handpainted plates? Tbh I stick everything in there anyway - I don’t even check if it’s dishwasher safe!

It sounds like you all waste a lot of time.

I don’t do any of that and am always happy with the results, if I did want to then the cooker I have which was just the Asda George branded one has a hob safe metal pan so I could braise everything in that then move it to the slow cooker to finish off.

I know,you tagged me incorrectly 😂