To not understand how people have an evening.

[Littlebittiredoflife]

My children are 8 and 12 and we've not had an evening for basically that long. 8 year old is in bed by half 8 and older one up later but sorts themselves out. We're always washing up, prepping lunches, putting washing on, unloading dishwasher, until at least 10pm at night. I mean at least one of us is (obviously not me tonight as I'm writing this). I saw someone who said they watch TV together then one of them goes and reads and the other plays video games- are they getting in bed at midnight? Obviously when they were younger and needed more help with sleep and eating I accepted we wouldn't have much time to ourselves, either together or apart but we still don't seem to be getting any.

Also I'm aware we do have an evening but it seems to be spent on routine and never pleasure!

Not always true. For about 2 years my ds2 would not eat anything for dinner apart from pasta and ketchup 🤢 it drove me mad but after medical advice I tried to chill out about it. Now at 15 (diagnosed autistic 2 years ago) he will eat anything and is the most adventurous of my dc when it comes to food. Dd1 was a great eater when young but now at 20 is very particular about foods she eats - sauces, stews etc. So not all dc will eat what their parents do and continue to do so just like not all dc will refuse what their parents eat and continue to do so.

They do not eat anything if the food has touched anything else. So won’t eat lasagne, fish pie, cottage pie, stir fry etc. they’ll happily eat plain rice while we have curry but that isn’t very good for them. Dinner for them is pasta, carrots, peas, sweetcorn and cheese or sausages usually, all in little piles. I have higher culinary expectations.

I do wonder if they are ND as their ND cousin is like this with food too, as well as not getting to sleep independently and not sleeping through.

Depends. I work from home so have a lot of flexibility during the day, I tend to prep dinner while making my lunch. Collect youngest from school at 310, older kids get bus and home for around 415. Teens have a large snack/first dinner when they get back, then one of us takes them to training from around 530 to 830 each eve. They have a second dinner when they get back.

Whomever hasn't taken them takes youngest to activities (fewer than teens) and gives them dinner, does dishwasher etc. Bath and bed for 730/8ish.

Chat to rest of family when they return and eat. Teens head off for showers, homework, phone scrolling for an hour or so before bed around 930/10ish.

We watch TV, scroll, read etc until between 10 and 11.

So, only an hour or so, but how much 'evening' do you need?

Agreed. I set our washing machine to run at 4pm most days so that it's finished when I get in from work. Dishwasher (when we use it) always runs overnight.

The only thing I don't do is use the dryer if we're not in the house but only because ours is quite old and on it's way out.

I have these age gaps. Get the baby in bed first, fed and put down by 7pm. Don’t rock to sleep, that’s a disaster. At 1 they shouldn’t be waking several times in the evening. You need to sort that out as a priority.

Then older ones go to bed at 7.30pm. You shouldn’t need to be doing laundry every day, just don’t wash anything that’s not actually dirty. Wash up and fill dishwasher as you go, then the chores should only take half an hour or so.

Oh good Lord.

I don’t recognise this at all. Yes we only had the one child (and worked full time) but were mostly sat down, done and dusted, chilling by 8pm.

@Jade3450What did you do if your dc disliked something that you were eating? Because it would be very unusual for them to like every single thing you liked?

There was a lot of publicity (from actual real live fire fighters, not AI 😒) just before Christmas around the risks of white goods catching fire - not just tumble dryers. This was the first link that I came across but the campaign was widely covered at the time.

www.express.co.uk/news/uk/2149044/warning-issued-washing-machine-dishwasher/amp

I’m not sure s/he can conceive of the possibility of people being different

I was the era of terrible mothers. They never came into your bed. They slept in the nursery. Youd let them self soothe for a while. Anne Diamonds cot death led to an improvement in sleeping position. Mattresses, bedding, the figures fell. We can never thank her enough for that.

You seem to be taking a long time on some quite quick tasks. I can empty a full dishwasher in five minutes, clear up after a meal in 10-15 minutes. How is it taking you 1.5 hours? Are you getting distracted mid-task?

I bet s/he won’t answer 😉

I often didn’t stop until 9pm, but that’s because I was a single parent with no support from Ex or family. There literally was no one else to do stuff. For context - youngest now 20.

At some point though, I had a bit of a light bulb moment which improved things. Managed to sit down around 8pm or slightly earlier instead. Made a big difference.

Firstly, there is always going to be a to do list. Does it really all need doing? What has to get done to avoid stress the next day?

Secondly, I began to prioritise the urgent tasks by duration. Longer tasks e.g. washing machine running, meal cooking in the oven, went on first. The other tasks - helping with homework, tidying the house, emptying the dishwasher etc. - slotted in between.

I always prioritised getting the meal, and then the laundry on. Basically, because once I’d slotted the other stuff in, and then eaten, I ran out of steam. I finished earlier in the evening by doing this. Just use to close the dishwasher after we ate and then sat down.

I used to cook every other night and used a slow cooker at weekends to batch cook while we went out for the morning/afternoon/day. Sometimes I prepped a meal and threw it in the slow cooker on low on Monday morning as well. Ready when I came in.

Not rocket science but hope it helps.

@Happytap

I’m probably going to make myself unpopular here, but perhaps then don’t go to clubs if it’s too much. Or just 1 each per child, or whatever is manageable for you. Perhaps, also not on the same night as the other DC. It has got to work for both you and the children. Not just them.

With respect, you will be no fun, and no use to anyone if you are burnt out. I learned this the hard way.

Slow cooker? Put it on in the morning. It's done when you get in. Wash it out. Put plates in the dishwasher. Done and dusted

you can get liners for slow cookers so they don't get so dirty

I can understand not putting non stick pans in the dish washer as they spoil but as soon as you've fished up, dump them in the sink with soapy, hot water and after dinner it takes 2 mins to wash up.

I do most house/child related things myself as DH works longer hours.

On my office days, I get in at 5.30. Dinner is always fast eg pasta (sauce made in oven) stir fry, steak and sweet potato fries with veg. I put the dinner on straight away so were eating by 6.15 latest.

While the dinner is cooking, I will also be starting DCs lunch for the next day, unload the dishwasher and light the fire.

By 6.30 I am washing pots and pans from dinner, everyone loads their own plate into the dishwasher. Kitchen is wiped down and a quick blast with the hoover if its very bad.

I'll fold washing off the airer.

By 7pm all jobs are done. I sit by the fire, play with Dc, help them organise shower or baths.

5.30 to 7 can be hectic, but its worth it to sit down at 7.

Dc go to bed at 8.30. I aim to be asleep at 10.30 and wake at 6.45.

As for everything else - while I'm waiting for the kettle to boil in the morning, I put away pots from the draining board, turn on the washing machine, finish DCs lunches and pack their bags.

Hoovering is done mainly on my wfh days. Mopping on a Sunday. Food shop delivered every Friday. Dinners that require us to follow a recipe are for Saturdays.

I wouldn't have energy to be doing housework at 9pm.

We don't do housework after 7pm and we go to bed at midnight.

That's grand, just so you know it's a choice. I hardly iron anything, certainly not school shirts or any other item of school uniform. DS gets great reports, he is happy, I'm happy, school is happy. So it's not necessary in any way. But certainly do it if you want to. Also he does his own laundry, has done since he was 12. My DH taught him how to. Hence why we can sit down of an evening with a cuppa and watch tv together.

I don’t get the ‘buy a slow cooker’ people. I have a slow cooker. You still have to braise the meat, fry the onions etc, then you pour it into the slow cooker to cook rather than simmering on the hob. Where’s the time saving? I’ve just got more washing up to do. What am I missing here?

I’m definitely aware it’s a choice. It really doesn’t bother me. I’m firmly in the “I get an evening” camp.

Sorry if someone has already said this but could you not batch the weeks meals on a Sunday? The batch lady has entire meal plans for exactly this. Then you just need to remember to defrost in the morning, then straight into the oven when you get home.

I don’t get slow cookers either. I guess it means you can set it going in the morning and have dinner ready as soon as you get home, but otherwise I can’t see the benefit.