To not understand how people have an evening.

[Littlebittiredoflife]

My children are 8 and 12 and we've not had an evening for basically that long. 8 year old is in bed by half 8 and older one up later but sorts themselves out. We're always washing up, prepping lunches, putting washing on, unloading dishwasher, until at least 10pm at night. I mean at least one of us is (obviously not me tonight as I'm writing this). I saw someone who said they watch TV together then one of them goes and reads and the other plays video games- are they getting in bed at midnight? Obviously when they were younger and needed more help with sleep and eating I accepted we wouldn't have much time to ourselves, either together or apart but we still don't seem to be getting any.

Also I'm aware we do have an evening but it seems to be spent on routine and never pleasure!

I usually don't have an evening as kids to clubs on most night but on nights they don't i make dinner, wash up around 6.30/7.
Washing is done during the day while i am working at home or if not will do while making dinner. Packed lunch made in mornings.
10 year old goes to bed around 9 and 14 year old stays up but i watch tv for an hour or so after youngest in bed.

You seem to be creating a lot of additional work for yourself. That is fine if you want to spend most of your evening on chores.

We're always washing up, prepping lunches, putting washing on, unloading dishwasher, until at least 10pm at night.

These should take less than half an hour.

Washing up and loading the dishwasher (10 mins max) - washing up should be limited to one or two large pans left to dry. Any items of crockery that doesn't go in the dishwasher should be replaced with items that go in a dishwasher.

Unloading dishwasher, lunches (5 mins) - the older children can do this.

Putting washing on (5 mins) and unloading and folding washing (10 mins).

They tidied their rooms whilst I hoovered, wiped the kitchen floor and swept out the fire. That took about 1.5 hours for me with a small break in between.

A quck sweep and wipe of the kitchen floor can be done in five minutes last thing every evening.

Do you really need to hoover on a weeknight? Who/what is creating the dirt?
Would asking everyone to only eat at the kitchen table help? Would asking everyone to remove their shoes in the hallway help?

Do you really need to sweep a fire? Having a fire is not only creating additional work and dirt, it also adds significantly to your family's risk of lung cancer.

I've only got one child, but this is how we get an evening:

• We unload the dishwasher in the morning while the kettle is boiling - takes 10 mins tops (much less tbh) - DH does this as he's up first
• I don't make lunches as DS tends to have school dinners, but on the odd occasion that I do, I do them in the morning - again, only takes a couple of minutes, depending on what you're making I guess? Sandwiches or similar are quick, if I'm chopping up carrots or something that also is only a few mins
• We eat around 6/6.30 and we're usually done by 7 at the latest.
• We load the dishwasher as we go throughout the day (and while cooking) - so after dinner, the plates we've been using get put in and then it's ready to be turned on (and DS clears the table and puts plates in the dishwasher while me/DH sort out leftovers etc)
• DH washes up any pans etc that don't go in. He tends to put anything that needs to soak in the sink before sitting down to eat so its easy to clean (but we're talking usually a couple of pans and one tray)
• I take DS up to get ready for bed around 8.30. DH tidies up downstairs
• We both sit down and watch TV from around 9
• We do have a cleaner, but when we didn't, things like hoovering were done at the weekend unless something had been spilt etc. DH will run the hoover/mop around downstairs if needed while I'm taking DS up to bed.
• Washing gets done during the day (I do work from home, so that is easier - but again, when I didn't, we'd put it in the morning, set it to finish when we got home and then tumble/hang up - in the summer, put on overnight so it can be hung out when we get up).

The OP only works 15 hours a week though so loads of those chores can be done on her non working days.

God I would love to work 15 hours per week!! 😂😂

I never iron anything. Who has time for that? My husband is in charge of laundry, he puts everything in a basket once it's dry and sometimes gets round to putting it away, other times we just go and get what we need out of the basket when we need it.

Washing up... doesn't take that long its only what we just used and we just rinse before putting in the dishwasher

Prepping lunches... literally never done this, we make food as we need it not way in advance

Putting washer on... thats a day task (noisy) and takes literally 1 minute tops, you stick it in and switch it on

Unloading dishwasher... once again a 5 minute task at max

I don't get why people are martyrs about this stuff. The truth is most 'dreaded' jobs that people make a huge fuss over actually only take a minute or two to do in reality. They only become 'overwhelming' if you don't do them and they pile up but if your not doing them then you have even more time. You listed about 10 minutes worth of housework how are you making that an all night extravaganza?

And yes we go to bed around eleven to midnight-ish after spending 3-4 hours relaxing and enjoying each other company.

The ops dc are 8 and 12. They are perfectly capable of putting their own clothes away. How much ironing do kids of that age produce? Not much

I think it’s just a matter of what we are willing to make time for. I have to iron. It’s non negotiable for me. I don’t iron sports clothing(it doesn’t need it) I don’t iron towels, tea towels or duvets but I will iron the pillow covers. I iron uniforms and put work clothing, jumpers T-shirts etc.

The other thing I picked up on OP is that you said you’d struggle to follow a recipe while doing other chores alongside… are you cooking new dishes every night? I’ve cooked most of the things we eat so often that I could do it blindfolded! So I can easily unload the dishwasher etc while cooking. I’m only following recipes if I’m cooking something special or new, which wouldn’t happen on a school night!

Outside of school uniform what do most kids wear? Mine wear sports stuff that dries in 5 mins and doesn’t need ironing.
2 of my dc still at school - their tank tops genuinely don’t need ironing so at absolute maximum that is 10prs trousers and 10shirts each week. Really doesn’t take that much time if they have been shaken out properly after washing and dried properly.

'I have a proper evening most days. Every morning I empty the dishwasher, put some clean washing away, load the dishwasher throughout the day, after tea tidy up properly & wipe worktops, dishwasher on, tidy up living room, then head upstairs to put toddler to bed, come back down to a nice clean house ready for some time to myself :)'

So you are not working!

We go to bed about 12 get up at 7 kids get up at same time.1 younger child bed by 9 other about 10-10:30

Well, perhaps 5 secondary shirts plus a jumper - plus two adults’ clothes for the week. It adds up!

We have an evening, at least one child does an activity 4 of 5 weekdays and we’re both runners. I don’t get from your list of how you do things why you don’t. The things you list are both of you for an hour at the absolute max and they includes a huge amount of faffing.

You must both do a lot of faffing around, rather than just get the jobs done. The hoovering was an anomaly as only once a week,

so whilst your husband is cooking dinner, what do you do normally? Doing rhe dishes and wiping down shouldn’t take so long either,

im afraid I also can’t work out what you’re both spending several hours a night doing each, you’re basically saying between you both you have 6-8 hours of labour each night.

Exactly 😁

I think you need to lower your standards OP. Also the kids are old enough to help, so give them some of the tasks.

Ironing a jumper or a t-shirt is just making work for the sake of it.

My DD wears a pinafore to school so even if her polo shirt was crinkled (which they are all non-iron and crease free anyway) you wouldn't see it.

We have our own business and both work from home. Admittedly we have more time than those who work outside the house but the only daytime task is loading the dishwasher which wouldn't be necessary if we weren't in.

What the biscuits is going on here! An hour and a half to do some washing up and empty a dishwasher. I’d ditch the non dishwasher pans and plates, that should be an hour and 20 mins back in your time bank. Since the 12 year old is self sufficient can you bribe them to do stories, if that’s what is required. Also meal prep your meals if complicated, or simplify. What was cooked that took 45 mins to prepare? I’d speed that up and get the smaller child in bed by 8pm - asleep by 9pm. Then you have 9pm-11pm as you time.

Ah see I make sure my work clothes need little to no ironing. Single mum of 4 - my ds1 ironed his own clothes when needed. Yes I see it adds up. I would prefer to have an evening with my dc in a clean home after eating a home cooked meal and chill and laugh with them after they have made their lunches and we have all tidied up rather than iron pillowcases and hoover my house top to bottom everyday. But like everyone says, we all prioritise and have different standards. Mine are ensuring my dc contribute to the household and grow up self sufficient and also enjoy chill out time with me. I don’t want to be cleaning the bathroom for the 6th time that week and miss out on my evenings with them. Though thinking about it - our bathroom is always clean because I have taught my dc to leave it in a decent clean manner when they have finished! So pretty much just the floor needs doing each week.

If you're home at 4pm and not sitting down til 10pm then you're either being extremely thorough with all the chores or faffing around.

yeah I don’t iron the sports wear. It mostly mine and dhs stuff and dd12’s thicker hoodies

Sorry @Nibblerscribbler , but the more I read the more I think something’s gone horribly wrong in your household.

Do your kids have lots of snacks? I cannot imagine children ‘not being hungry’ for dinner. Too late now, but if you’d started off feeding kids the food you eat you wouldn’t have this problem.

And why are they whingeing all the time? They’re 6 and 8!

Tbh I’d be setting by down some new rules if I were you or your life is only going to get worse. Mine are teens now and I thank myself every day that I was sensible about this stuff when they were little.

Well I beg to differ tbh, a jumper is the first layer and it’s very obvious when not ironed. T shirts for dh and me ate the same. It’s not for the sake of it imo…as I said I prioritise it as it’s important to me. I don’t complain, I enjoy it. It literally takes a half an hour-40mins max! My dd never wore a pinafore, now she’s in secondary she wears a revere collar shirt and kilt. They require ironing. As does the jumper.