To not understand how people have an evening.

[Littlebittiredoflife]

My children are 8 and 12 and we've not had an evening for basically that long. 8 year old is in bed by half 8 and older one up later but sorts themselves out. We're always washing up, prepping lunches, putting washing on, unloading dishwasher, until at least 10pm at night. I mean at least one of us is (obviously not me tonight as I'm writing this). I saw someone who said they watch TV together then one of them goes and reads and the other plays video games- are they getting in bed at midnight? Obviously when they were younger and needed more help with sleep and eating I accepted we wouldn't have much time to ourselves, either together or apart but we still don't seem to be getting any.

Also I'm aware we do have an evening but it seems to be spent on routine and never pleasure!

So, do you hoover every single day, top to bottom? I have a weekly cleaner - 7bed house, 5 bathrooms+ensuite. She doesn’t do ground floor (kitchen utility wc lounge and dinning room) as we keep on top of those on a day to day basis… but we have lazy messy teenagers who wreck their bathrooms every week and use the floor as a wardrobe - she does 2.5hrs most weeks. I hoover the lounge/kitchen every day as we have moulting spaniels, so I also put the hoover over the hall/landing once a week between my cleaner’s visits. I dust quickly when I notice it needs doing (again once a week, as cleaner does it once). We wash up/clean the kitchen as we go, have two dishwashers that are emptied as needed not on a rota. My DH is often not home until 730 and heads to bed around 930 as he is up again at 530. We have 2hours minimum quality couple time - watching a movie/netflix, reading/listening to music and chatting, every night. I do 5-10 wash loads a week and about 8hrs of ironing a fortnight, walk the dogs for an hour a day… I could go on. The house is pristine (DH is a bit OCD, we are an ND family) and our evenings sacred.

I don’t understand how anyone can be spending hours every night washing/cleaning/sorting laundry and hoovering.

What time are you getting home? That makes a massive difference.

As others have said you seem to be taking an extraordinary amount of time on things.

Generally speaking our evenings are ours once the DC are in bed by 8-8.30.

All this ‘getting the 8 year old into bed’ what is that? I send mine up with instructions to brush their teeth and put pjs on. I follow up and read to them but we’re talking 20 mins max start.

Also, mine are totally involved in the clear up after dinner, we’re all loading the dishwasher, they are putting condiments away etc. Then they can leave the kitchen. They are also responsible for tidying up after themselves generally, yes sometimes I have to ask twice but I’m not their skivvy, if they’ve used it/eaten it they clear away.

They have school dinners too but on the weekend they make their own lunch, could you get yours doing that day to day? Make it part of the kitchen clear up.

We've generally eaten by 6 pm, and the dishwasher is loaded, after my son's packed lunch has been made. My son is 15, so sorts himself out for bed in the evening (with some yelling up the stairs for him to hurry up and get in the shower!). My husband and I usually sit down by 7 pm at the very latest. I then empty the dishwasher once it's finished around 9.30 pm. Are you eating quite late in the evening? When are your children doing their homework? Are you helping with that, before dinner is prepared/cooked? My son does his homework once home from school - changes our of his uniform, and then has a drink/snack before starting.

My daughter is away at uni and we still don't have an evening! Last night I got in from work at 8 30, made and ate a quick dinner (soup), called my elderly Mum and did a few on line things for her, washed up, did some personal admin, sent a few work emails and it was after 11. Made a drink and went to bed.

Admittedly I'm usually home by 7.30 but trains were delayed but even so I fill that time.

DH works too, his evenings are full of chores as well.

That sounds insane to me OP - we eat at 530 - by 630 the kids are done - shower, reading, extra homework etc. both down by 830pm I have 11 and 9 year old - we maybe unload dishwasher and Hang clothes out - then we watch tv till about 11pm or do whatever it is we need/want (maybe admin, maybe read)- sometimes later, bed by 1230am and up by 645am.

An hour???

Jeez.

Just don't do the whole house every time.

Do upstairs once a week.

Downstairs, zoom round every day/other day.

Edges etc once a week or something.

I don’t do any of that in the evenings and I’m on my own usually until about 7/8pm. I tend to do it around after school and dinner time. Whilst I’m making dinner I prep their lunch boxes for the next day and my husbands. I eat dinner with the kids and then while they finish (slow eaters takes about half hour) I clean the kitchen do the dishwasher and tidy up the toys and quick hoover round. I do a deep clean on a Monday when I’m off work when I worked Mondays I would do it Sundays then everyday I do the basics which don’t take long (I’m a clean freak😂). Then we are upstairs for playing whilst I run the bath, read books and bed. They are in bed most nights by 7pm. Then I’ve got the evening with my husband to do whatever. They are 8&4 obviously this wouldn’t work with your 12 year old but if they sort themselves out then that helps.

Wait... you're hoovering the house...but sweeping the floor if the kitchen???

Hoover the kitchen (that's what we do!)

Ah there was a small battle to be had! Love your username btw! 😅😂

Sounds like your slow at doing chores, it shouldnt take all evening to do that.

I just put the nonstick pans in the dishwasher 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

They go on top shelf in a cooler wash.

Me too, takes literally 3 minutes & its a kitchen/diner so not small. would be there all day if I swept it.

It seems to me like you're doing stuff every night that doesn't necessarily need doing every night? I mean each to their own I suppose. But there's no way I'd hoover the whole house every day!? Life's way to short for that. We do most of our laundry over the weekend. But I do understand that very much depends on jobs and stuff. My wife works from home and I work in a warehouse style building so clean/different clothes every day isn't necessary. As for the the other stuff you mentioned. I just do those as fast as humanly possible lol.
I finish work at half 4, DW anytime between 5 and 7 depending on the evening. I get home and sort the dishwasher out, clean anything from the day. That takes about 20 mins. Then a quick shower. Then start with dinner stuff. Cooking eating and cleaning that away, maybe 1.5 hours tops, depending on the meal. After we've all eaten DD pretty much entertains herself for the evening, she's nearly 10. So we have from about 7pm until we decide to go to bed. We tell her it's bedtime around quarter to 9. She gets herself ready for bed. We don't stay up late but unless we do something out of the ordinary we normally get at least 2.5/3 hours to do what we want.

Why not wait till the weekend to do all those 'chores'

I’ve always wondered this - particularly now my kids are adults and I seem to have even less time in the evenings. Reading this it’s because dh and I rarely finish work before 7pm.

3 and 5 year old here. One of us does bath jammies and stories (we take turns) while the other does the running about prepping for the next day and after dinner tidy. We then take a child each (again alternating each night) and take them to bed. Everything is done before they do down. By half 8 we’re done.

Youre choosing to sit n watch an 8 yr old eat dinner rather than go n chill

What time are you up in the morning? And what time do you leave? Can you not do some jobs then? Lunches are done in the morning here, always have been.

It sounds like the dishwasher is actually making more work for you. We don't have a dishwasher and generally cleared up after dinner in 15 minutes maybe 30 minutes if lots of extra pans that need pre rinsing.

I also do washing in the morning so it has a chance to go on the line if weather allows , yes even this time of year I even bring it in when it's dark.

Bloody hell. Why are you sending work emails so late?? Would somebody have died? You already had a late day due to work.

Fuck working at 10pm at night!!!

I feel this on work days I finish at 6pm. Come home and walk the dog, thats an hour. Make and eat tea, clean up kitchen, prep lunches for next day, bit of tidying around, have a shower and then its bedtime. No time to watch tv usually but then I do like to be in bed for 10pm as up at 6am. I would like to fit in the gym but other than getting up at 5am to fit it in then I dont think I could ever fit it into my evening! When written down it doesnt sound a lot but it takes longer than you think, and I am not a slow person!

We don’t batch cook, but we do make what we call grab bags at the weekend.

On the day we shop, we prep (reusable) freezer bags with all of the ingredients for meals.

So we have all of the ingredients for chicken casserole chopped and ready in one bag, all of the ingredients for a veg curry in another, for beef stew in another, paella (minus rice) in another etc.

We try and buy well with dates so none of the bags have to be frozen (I’d always forget to take out of freezer!).

By doing this, you will save time prepping dinner each day, you will have less washing up daily( as no chopping etc) and the dinner can go one can go on much earlier meaning your slow eater isn’t encroaching on bed time and creating earlier clearing up time after dinner.

And as you aren’t prepping a meal each day, you can use that time before dinner to make lunches. (Although I’m not clear why the lunches take so long; we have five to make and I do them in fifteen minutes. My husband takes twice as long but he makes one up and then moves on to the next - so rather than chopping enough cucumber/pepper/tomatoes for five, he cuts up enough for just one every time. Finishes that lunch prep then moves onto the next. Drives me potty! Also, if I know the next evening is busy with clubs, I chop enough veg for the next night’s lunch prep too and just tupperware it until the next evening.)

All of the above should give you some time back in the evenings. (Also, do note despite getting uniforms and bags ready each night and doing the above with food, I’m not super organised so please don’t think I Ive got it sussed, I haven’t! I just realised that I had more time at the weekends than in the evenings/mornings.)

Maybe OP will change her routine then.
Some people don't have dishwashers or slow cookers or dryers (or avoid using them).

@AleaEim she’s a dervish, doesn’t stop.

This is crazy and there must be some Olympic-level faffing going on.

Loading and unloading the dishwasher, washing by hand things which can't go in the dishwasher and putting a load of laundry on should be taking 30 minutes tops, not 90.