My manager was off today because her dog died on Saturday morning.

[IwishIwasacaterpillar]

Am I being an arsehole to think this is a bit ridiculous?

It seems like it sets a precedent. I have three cats, will I get a day off each time one of them dies ?

I will be significantly more upset when my dog dies than I was when any of my grandparents passed. I would probably take any time off as AL and not expect bereavement leave for a pet, but I can see myself still being too upset to work less than 48 hours later

I have a friend who went through hell trying to conceive but sadly couldn’t, so her pets are very very special to her. You are showing very little empathy on insight - just because you think it sounds insignificant it might not be to others!

My child is profoundly disabled. I have no friends anymore because they didn’t know how to handle the life I now have. The dog isn’t just my best friend, she’s my only friend, and the thought of her not being here anymore makes me feel absolutely crushed. Until you know what someone else’s life is like, you have absolutely no right to judge. It may just be a dog to you, but to some people that dog is their lifeline and the reason to get up in the morning.

That's insane you only get 2 weeks when your child dies if you want any longer it has to be sick leave

So you are asking whether it is ridiculous for a colleague to take today off at short notice, when it hasn't inconvenienced you, and you don't know whether it was AL, sick leave, or whatever (not that it's any of your business, as you're not her manager)?

Presumably you don't expect all your colleagues to work 24/7/365, so are just annoyed by her reason for taking time off. Maybe she told you in order to explain the short notice, or because she thought you might sympathise. If the latter, she's misjudged you.

Pets dying can trigger all sorts of suppressed emotion and grief.
A good friend of mine died very suddenly and in horrible circumstances a few years ago, I was back at work on Monday morning. I carried on like a robot for three weeks, then I had to have my beloved cat PTS and I just went to pieces and had to take a week off work.
It’s very rarely ‘just’ a pet.

Whats it to you?

Can you not survive a day without your boss?

well hopefully you aren’t anyone’s manager - I can’t imagine anyone being so devoid of compassion being a very good one.

Thank you for saying that and relating. It can be hard to navigate can’t it?

Yes. To use your exact words, are being an arsehole. You asked. But then you already know that. You’re in good company on this thread it seems .

Perhaps you should be taking time off, to look after yourself and be a bit less aggravated at a poor woman who lost her dog.

Throwing stones OP.

I cried more for my cat than for my mother. My mum had dementia, so we had been grieving slowly for years and the death was a release. I went to work the next day and was fine. Grief is a funny thing, and I’d rather show compassion than judge.

I feel sorry for her. You're an arsehole.

My dog passed away years ago and I took annual leave. When my manager’s dog passed away, I have no idea what leave she took, as her leave-taking is none of my business and strictly between her and her boss. But I did make it my business to show a bit of empathy.

For people saying people should get time of for death of pets does this only include cats and dogs or would you feel the same if a colleague took a week of for a goldfish or a hamster or stick insect? Just curious 🤔

I would take annual leave on this occasion. I would be really upset. If she has taken annual leave, you are getting involved with something that is none of your business.

"grief has no rule book"

Do you really mean that?

Or if I come in and say "my grandfather died 30 years ago and I dreamt about him last night - it's brought back so much, I need three weeks off" would you tell me to get in or get sacked?

I think that people need to develop resilience and they need to learn to keep things in proportion, and they need to be encouraged to develop resilience.

@IwishIwasacaterpillar it is not at all ridiculous. How insensitive are you?

Hopefully this indicates that you have a compassionate and thoughtful employer, who takes into account people’s different needs. She needs need time and space for this, you might need it for something else. And if/when you do, you can reflect on whether other people are ‘arseholes’ for judging you.

My colleague had a day off when her house rabbit died.

Everyone was sympathetic. Because we aren’t a bunch of shitty bastards.

I also knew someone who took a week sick paid when her dog died and the only thing I felt was sorry for her. I certainly didn't feel jealous of her dog dying! It was sad because she felt she had to explain to everyone how shit she felt like it wasn't justified.

How do you know everything that is going on in her life and her mental health? How do you know the dog dying wasn’t just the tip over of bigger things she is dealing with. So quick to bloody judge. Also, dogs can be peoples worlds and can absolutely feel the same as a death of a family member. You don’t know or can’t control how people feel or deal with things. Glad I don’t work with you.

It's not the trauma Olympics, I took have been through lots of traumatic things in my life but I really could not care less if someone needs a couple of days because their dog died. Who are you to judge? You don't know what else could have been happening and maybe this was the last straw. Either way, you need to get over yourself.

I read something recently that in some areas dog ownership amongst young couples outweighs that of having children. Dogs are often treated like “babies” so I imagine in that sense it would take a couple of days or more to emotionally deal with things

I suppose forget the reason and see it is a general poor mental health day.