My manager was off today because her dog died on Saturday morning.

[IwishIwasacaterpillar]

Am I being an arsehole to think this is a bit ridiculous?

It seems like it sets a precedent. I have three cats, will I get a day off each time one of them dies ?

OP did not say what leave their boss took.
It could have been unpaid leave, or annual leave, or even sick leave. You can self certify for a up to week.
Either way, it makes no difference to her.

YANBU. She’s a massive CF.

I’ve never admitted to anyone in real life, but the reason I breed fruit flies is for the frequent days off work.

The fact that she’s a manager makes it extra embarrassing. How does she expect anyone to respect her or take her seriously? I wouldn’t.

Why?
Grief is grief.
She had ONE day off FFS. Stop the press, the world is stopping. Get a grip.

Her own manager will have cleared her time off.

Sorry but this is absurd. Where do you draw the line? Should we allow people days of work if their goldfish dies? Or what if it’s an object? Like a special ring that was lost? How many days of grieving should people be allowed for that?

I don’t think I’m the one who needs to get a grip here

I just wanted to say I feel the same. My dog is nearly 16 and has seen me through both parents deaths and a lot more. I cry even now at the pain of knowing she is frail. She's pretty much everything that matters and when she's gone I won't care much about anything anymore. So I know how awful this is.

I can only pity those on this thread who not only can't relate and choose not to but are deliberately belittling people who love their pets. No wonder so many prefer animals to people in the face of such nastiness.

You can't compare losing a pet to losing a human relative or friend.

The grief i felt when my cats have died was different to the grief i felt when my grandmother died and I burst into tears at work and was sent home when my grandmother died.

My grandmother didn't die in front of me, I didn't have to rush her to the vet as she struggled to breath (you could see the fear in her eyes), or watch her have a heart attack in front of me (the 'screams' will stay with me forever), I didn't have to deal with the guilt of whether I did enough or whether it was my fault she died. These are all things that still haunt me by the way, those two
cats got me through the worst years of my life.

When other cats have died by being pts of course I was upset and cried, it's a pain like no other but it wasn't a shock or unexpected and I didn't have time off.

Those things are not comparable to a dog dying. Your lack of compassion is astounding.

@IwishIwasacaterpillar

They mean, if you didn’t know why would you feel the same way? Is the criticism about the reason, or just because you didn’t grant yourself the same kindness. There may be more to it for the manager. Maybe this was the final straw for her?

OP, I think this is really all highlighting maybe how you struggle to give YOURSELF some compassion. And now you’re feeling resentment because someone else has and you are feeling hard done by because you soldiered on?

If she would have been fine with you taking some time here and there over the thought stuff you have been through, and sounds like she has suggested you do at times, what stops you? What would it mean if you did?

Have you got past, unresolved, trauma by any chance? Maybe you are compassion burnt out like you say, maybe some therapy may wouldn’t hurt.

You are the one being absurd.

It is about how the person is emotionally responding, not about what the ‘subject/object’ is.

Why some of you so proud of being emotionally stunted? I hope you get employee of the year.

You have a 'pet' which you treat like your child for years and are expected to work when they have passed! No, a day off to mourn them should be a bare minimum IMO

You have a 'pet' which you treat like your child for years and are expected to work when they have passed! No, a day off to mourn them should be a bare minimum IMO

I feel we may have crossed into the realm of fantasy here. That’s a lot of backstory about OP from a 3 sentence post. Perhaps we could be a bit kinder and not let imagination take over. Asking for opinions on if time off should be given for losing pets doesn’t mean you hate animals or wouldn’t feel empathy for people.

No employer is expected to pay a member of staff for time off when a pet dies or in the other circumstances you mention. Often people take sick leave, unpaid, flexitime or make time up in those situations.

Many employers have realised though that helping employees in times of grief, loss, heartache are the things that build loyalty, flexibility, commitment and encourage hard work.

My employer was wonderful to me when I lost my parents, friend and dog. I never forgot that, it endeared me to the company and my manager and made me really want to do my best for them in the future - which I did until I retired.

When I ran my own business I was really kind and generous to my employees and they were great to me too. It came from my heart but it was incidentally quid pro quo too.

An employer who expects a stiff upper lip, an emotionless response when you are on your knees is likely to be shown the finger (metaphorically or otherwise) when extra effort or input is asked of an employee in future.

This kindness and decency produces the same result whether the employee is a clerk or a senior manager.

The posters on here who think management should have no life/emotions obviously think that when you become a manager you cease to be human.

There are several posters who've come late to this thread without reading it.

You're repeating things that have already been discussed (often more than once) in some length earlier in the thread.

I had an aunt like this. A 'we don't grieve in our family' stance, a 'buck up and bugger on', 'no hearts on sleeves please' approach. She had no truck for sadness or what she perceived to be weakness.

Then someone she really loved died suddenly. She collapsed with pain. I had to hold her up at the funeral. She found herself at the doctor for medication and therapy to deal with the grief. Sadly she never really recovered and, whilst we were kind and loving towards her we had all been 'bitten' by her lack of compassion and nobody cried at her funeral or asked for time off work to grieve.

She was born during the war and had learned to bottle up her emotions.
All was well until the bottle smashed. Then all hell let loose.

I mean this kindly, do look inside yourself for one day your bottle may let out an ugly genie.

it must be hard to live with being so bitter.

I don't think there's any way to say whether it's ridiculous or not without seeing how it's actually affected her. I mean, if she couldn't do her job because she's so distraught then surely being off sick is fair enough, and she could probably just self-cert for stress/grief for the weak.

We can never know how someone else feels until we ARE that person. And, as that's impossible, there's just no way of knowing.

I feel we may have crossed into the realm of fantasy here. That’s a lot of backstory about OP from a 3 sentence post. Perhaps we could be a bit kinder and not let imagination take over. Asking for opinions on if time off should be given for losing pets doesn’t mean you hate animals or wouldn’t feel empathy for people.

I disagree. I’m not sure OP has been accused of ‘hating animals’ but she does show a lack of empathy, which by extension is very clearly demonstrating unhappiness with her own life. Happy people get on with their own business. She’s admitted her manager’s actions didn’t affect her directly so why did she waste her energy on this?

Having a day off is fine but more than that would be crazy. I’m not a pet person so maybe that but I can understand why and how people become attached.