My manager was off today because her dog died on Saturday morning.

[IwishIwasacaterpillar]

Am I being an arsehole to think this is a bit ridiculous?

It seems like it sets a precedent. I have three cats, will I get a day off each time one of them dies ?

I was reading your posts and thinking you seem like a really decent and lovely person, but then you had to throw in an unnecessary and passive aggressive comment. So fucking what if it’s from google.. it’s my opinion and is supported from many studies on animal behaviour.. hence the reference from google 🙄

Holy Shit @HighStreetOtter that’s brutal, I’m so sorry you had to do that. I work for the NHS , so I completely understand why you felt you had to. But that’s still awful.

I dislike people who judge how other people grieve. Grief means something or someone that was incredibly loved has been lost. Who on earth are you to say whether someone should grieve? Because that’s what you’re doing.

There is plenty in this world I don’t understand but if it isn’t harming me why would I judge?

This says so much about you, OP. I genuinely feel sorry for you. How horrible it must be to be in your head feeling this way about other people.

This made me chuckle 🤭

I have always taken a couple of days when my cats have died. Im closer to my cats than I am most people!

In the past I would have agreed with you. But after our dog was put down I was a broken wreck for weeks.

I don’t think we are policing the kind of pet, but I do think we bond differently with certain animals. I had to take unpaid leave when my 32 year old horse was PTS, that we got as a yearling when I was 7. We absolutely had a bond, it’s nearly 20 years since he died and I still miss him. However, the office manager had recently been granted 2 days ‘special’ leave because her dog was PTS. But, work didn’t think me losing a horse warranted ‘special’ leave.

I have dogs and chickens now, and I am sad when one of my hens fades and needs to be PTS, but I don’t cry, but when the time comes for any of my dogs I will be in bits, and may well need a day or two off work.

Honestly I think it’s healthier to admit you are grieving and take some time off than it is to repress your feelings and try to tough it out. Surely we have moved past the ‘stuff upper lip’ era now?

I was crying my eyes out , real ugly crying and didn’t sleep for a few nights after my dog passed away .
It was also a shock because I found her and it was sudden and unexpected.
Afterwards I got a terrible chest infection so was out of sorts for ages ,so yes she probably needs a day off

@rogueone Jilly Cooper agreed with you about meeting your dogs in heaven. I hope it's true for you and your pup.

“I love the idea that when you die and go to, hopefully, heaven, all your dogs will come running across a sunlit lawn to welcome you, and your best dog will be leading the pack.”
— Jilly Cooper

Grief is just love with no place to go.

I’m saying people are different, and one could judge if so inclined. The fact that you’re comfortable judging others for their response while finding being on the receiving end uncomfortable is exactly the point.

Thinking about the 'dog as slave' analogy.

Slave to me implies that the relationship is forced and a one way street. Most dogs adore their owners. I have looked after dogs for friends and family when they've gone on holiday or in hospital. I've treated them as one of my own. Fed, walked, cuddled, cosied up with, played and showered them with affection. They seem happy enough and settle down quickly knowing they want for nothing.

Then, when their owner(s) walk back in the room without exception they totally go bananas and lose their shit. This isn't a slave master relationship otherwise the dog would treat every kind face the same. There is more than that.

Also the slave master relationship implies cruelty and, you can see from this thread and all around you, the majority of dog owners would die sooner than be anything other than loving, kind and gentle with their pets.

I apologise, it came across as if you were dismissive of the person who had the pet goat and I responded dismissively back. On rereading I was wrong, you were not dismissing them.

i am a Sympathetic person but I think it’s CF. Imagine she had 3 dogs & 3 cats and got a day off for each. My colleague had a day off when her hamster died though 🤯

People don't get pets so they can have a day off work when they die.

Maybe not biologically disposed to relationships with dogs, but humans have been living with dogs for pushing 40,000 years now so that relationship is well established in what makes us human.

The judgement and gatekeeping how people use their leave is what is ridiculous.

What if it's a human being - a relative who passed away. Will you judge if the manager took one day vs two days off? Everyone's strength of bond, level of empathy and way of grieving is different. If her taking the day off isn't hurting anyone (i.e. the job isn't life critical) just let her be. At the end of the day, everyone is replaceable at work and not at home.

A lady i used to work with rescued a wild bird. She nursed it for a few days but it died. She took a week off work to grieve (seriously. I kid you not!!). Now THAT was ridiculous.

Why would it have been better for me to go into the office after my cat died? Who would have benefited from me being there crying, knackered and with a swollen face? I didn’t actually take time off but I worked from home and definitely didn’t do much work, I wasn’t in a fit state. I remember being in a Teams meeting but not putting on my camera as I was crying so much.

A woman I worked with had time off after Michael Jackson died... *she wasn't related and had never met him she was simply a "Fan"!

I'd give your manager a break lol

I knew someone who missed his own brother's wedding that he was best man at, to look after a bird that had crashed into a window in his house. It died anyway.

This does not make sense. I posted my opinion on whether compassionate leave should be given for the death of an animal. I have not judged anyone on their response to losing a pet.

As a huge animal lover I find I have to comment on this post. We have a few horses and dogs, my family and I live in the country so animals are very much part of our lifestyle and home. Whilst I can understand those who are not animal minded seeing this as a bit over the top when you have loved and cared for an animal for sometime and they're very much part of the family it is a huge loss when they pass. We lost a dog last summer after 15 years together and it still seems strange for her to not still be here. I feel for the person to be honest. I'm a stay at home mum so lucky enough I don't have to take a day away from work when it happens but honestly if it's a day that she's had off is that really such a big deal?

Thats unfair, your colleague should have had to take unpaid leave, by all means either do that or take holiday if you need time off.

2 years ago my view would have been different, then my dog died. I was a complete mess and 2 years on I still get upset about losing her. She was 12 and part of our family. I took the day off and also cancelled my following days appointments I kept crying.