My manager was off today because her dog died on Saturday morning.

[IwishIwasacaterpillar]

Am I being an arsehole to think this is a bit ridiculous?

It seems like it sets a precedent. I have three cats, will I get a day off each time one of them dies ?

I’m not sure compassionate leave is a statutory right but anywhere I’ve worked has had a policy of 5 days or so. No I don’t support that. Thankfully my sibling and their OH work for an understanding workplace that’s used discretion to give the dad extended compassionate leave (the mum is on maternity leave and entitled to stay on maternity leave) - workplaces should focus and prioritise people like my sibling and their OH, not pets

A lot of people take days off because they just can’t be arsed, or they’ve got a bit of a sniffle. Someone taking a day off because they’re devastated to have lost their pet, grieving, haven’t slept and feels unable to focus or function properly is much more acceptable in my opinion.

I believe parental bereavement leave is a statutory right and I think it’s two weeks - only applies to young children I think but could be worth looking into if your sibling’s partner is being given less than that.

I don’t think it’s a zero sum game where different griefs are prioritised - Person A has had two weeks off for their pet so Person B gets less for their child. Each person has the same rights under the policy. A good workplace will accommodate the needs of employees to increase retention, productivity and reputation, without creating a hierarchy of need.

An ex colleague of mine took a whole week off when her cat died! I know, because I'm the one who had to cover her!
A day, even two, I can understand, it's upsetting. But a WEEK?! Come on.

It’s expected for dogs to die at anytime. And it’s almost a certainty they’ll die in our lifetime. Having owned dogs I always expected that.

And I agree with a PP - trauma is a word thrown around too much.

People have lost the art of pulling themselves together.

Have to say I’d be devastated if my children were sadder about a pet dying than me dying

You are quite right. I've re-read my comment and have realised that it was rather insensitive - and, as you point out, I know nothing of the person's circumstances. For all I know they could have already booked a day's leave weeks ago.

I do know what grief is though, sadly.

‘It’s expected for dogs to die at anytime.’

I mean, that’s true of any living being. Whether that means we can prepare for it and shrug it off when it happens is another matter entirely.

You’ve no idea how your children will feel - or how you will feel at that time. After a prolonged period of you suffering they may well feel relief, at least at first. And that’s understandable and ok.

2 weeks! JFC.

They both work together and have been told to take all the time they need, and the work of the dad has been covered indefinitely.. I’ve known workplaces to give zero wiggle room around workplace policies, it’s always a red flag isn’t it!

That’s good - so you can see first hand the value of a flexible policy that supports people who are grieving. And your in-law is not disadvantaged by what might be offered to others who experience different bereavements.

Agree, crappy workplace policies are a red flag and people should vote with their feet. In practice I know it’s not that easy of course. Often people don’t know until it’s happening.

We are a multi cat/dog household and I've lost 20 pets within my lifetime. Not all of those losses were unexpected but that one was. For me to claim trauma 20 times would be excessive, I do agree. However, you are not privy to the circumstances in which we lost that particular dog and it was a traumatic death. We have a vet in the family and even she was horrified by the circumstances.

Please do not speak to me of people "pulling themselves together" or take the moral high ground with me over that. It broke us both.

My mother would have understood. Fortunately, she was a genuine animal lover.

And FWIW I'm sorry that there has been a distressing child loss within your family.

You are being very harsh

Especially as your manager being off didn’t affect you, OP, I would try and be compassionate about it.

I took the night shift off when we had to put our dog down and I won’t justify it to anyone. She was also my dead son’s first dog so I was in no way fit to work. Try having some compassion. It’s not cheeky at all and as they are the ops manager not report then frankly it’s none of her business.

Are you okay? Seriously.

If you didn't know the reason why, would you be in such an uproar about it?

My God @IwishIwasacaterpillar - you sound worse and worse with every post you write.

One week? That is an insult to common sense.
I can't begin to imagine the damage it would inflict on the country’s economy if any pet owner was so emotionally unhinged to do something so utterly preposterous.
People need to toughen the fuck up, honestly.

what do you mean by that? I know the reason why, it’s because her dog died four days ago.

I’m not really that awful. Just perplexed

We will agree to disagree then. I can see it is a situation you’ve never experienced and therefore can’t understand and that’s okay

You would not be starting a thread about your manager being off if you did not know why.

It seems you want people to agree with you that anyone having time off for losing a pet is ridiculous.

This thread is very nasty, and has brought out a lot of very awful comments about how people should grieve, who has the worst trauma.

I was working with a colleague I hated when my childhood cat died. For weeks afterwards, whenever he pissed me off, I had this visceral feeling that if it would bring her back, I'd gladly kill him.

I think it's silly to place pressure on human emotions as if work isn't almost entirely meaningless anyway.

If she's too upset to work, do you really want her there? Does the reason really matter? My work was shite two months ago because I had a cancer scare.

Oh do you? What gives you the right to decide what’s traumatic for someone else? You have no empathy. You’re not a “pet person” so who the fuck are you to judge someone who does love animals?
Ps animals know good people and vile people, bet they won’t come near you anyway.

I don’t think you should take time off work after your pet dies. If they have a medical emergency and you need to have them treated or pts during work hours then fine that’s understandable but not for grieving. It’s a heartbreak you have to try and suck up at work and deal with on your own time. Compassionate leave is for when people die. My husband once came home to hold one of our goats while he was put to sleep and was back in a meeting within the hour. It was accommodating of his work to give the time for the vet appointment. And this was for a pet we hand reared from 2 days old, not many people do this with dogs.

OP's manager has obviously had the time off cleared by her own boss.
She could be off sick, for a family emergency. Anything really.
It is not up to you, or anyone else, to tell someone to "suck it up" when they have lost a pet.