My manager was off today because her dog died on Saturday morning.

[IwishIwasacaterpillar]

Am I being an arsehole to think this is a bit ridiculous?

It seems like it sets a precedent. I have three cats, will I get a day off each time one of them dies ?

I’ve also had dogs and of course it’s sad when they die but to compare it to the grief people experience when a human dies is unhinged. My dogs were always pets, nothing more.

No. It isn't. Some pet losses are traumatic. It can take years to fully recover.

It’s devastating to lose a pet, but to take time off work is ridiculous. There are times where you just have to pull yourself together.

No-one has said “people are lucky to have dying Mums or sick kids”? Where has that come from?!

What people are saying is that people can experience grief whether the loss is human or a beloved pet. Sometimes the pet might play more of a role in someone’s life than a human family member. They might be by the person’s side for many, many years in a way that a human family member might not be. They are family!

I have great relationships with both humans and animals but I see my animals more than most humans, therefore they will be an immense loss to me when they pass.

If you aren’t an “animal person” then you aren’t going to understand this but you can at least try to understand that a loss is a loss.

I approve my staff to use their annual leave on short notice for this sort of thing. It’s not bereavement leave however. Annual leave is for whatever is most important to each person.

I miss the times when dogs were pets and when people had more resilience than describing the loss of a pet (who we surely expect to die well within our lifetimes?!) as a “trauma”. A trauma is a profound and long lasting horrific event.

A close family member lost their baby son last week. Their actual baby. THAT is a trauma from which they’ll take years to recover. It’s trauma because it’s the loss as someone you grew inside you, a whole entire life of joy, friendships and deep love that will never be lived.

They have. A woman who said her mum is dying, she’s recently divorced and has sick children was told she was lucky, because “All I have is my dog”

No its not, we are all different, my Dog died, had Cancer, i had to authorise her being put to sleep, i then got in my car and drove 300miles to start work...

But i had experienced many pet deaths before and having been bought up on a Farm had a "harder" approach.

However, some people handle grief differently, its all relative and i certainly wouldn't judge anyone who had a day off after their pet dies.

A Dog can be a hugely important part of someone's life, perhaps have a little empathy?

Loss of a child is, of course, a horrific event. No-one would say it isn’t. Trauma can be caused by different events though because it’s about how we process events not just the event itself. People can experience trauma from divorce, birth, having a car accident, an assault or witnessing a distressing incident. Really, do not judge another’s trauma.

I am sorry for your family member’s loss and what this also means for you.

YABU - I have and would again take time off after the death of a pet. I couldn't stop crying for at least 2 days after my last dog died. So I wouldn't have been able to work. Some people have a very close and deep relationship with their pet - and yes, it is traumatic when they die. I have never had any issues with taking a day off - my managers have always been kind at these times.

I’m sorry for the loss in your family you are experiencing right now. 💐 for you.

thanks for making me think about it. Honestly I think it is because I have tried so hard to come in to work. Juggling all the hospital visits and appointments with specialists. Making sure I always keep up with my work and my personal life doesn’t affect my work.
Perhaps I should have taken more time out over all the stresses. I appreciate you all making me think about it. Perhaps I have compassion fatigue. I work in a role where I am helping people every day. I am no less compassionate with them but I suppose I expected more from her because of how much I’ve been through and managed to still get to work

😂😂

I have had dogs so understand it is a loss. But to behave like it’s the loss of a human is not only ridiculous but downplays what it’s like to lose a human.

Also unless you’re in your mid-80s the death of a dog should be entirely expected and prepared for.

It’s also worth mentioning that compassionate leave is usually for immediate family members (humans) not to give staff time to grieve or be sad, but because the loss of a close family member requires planning, funerals, clearing out of houses and day being occupied with admin-ing everything involved in losing someone. Anyone who’s lose a relative they had to organise a funeral for will tell you how all-consuming it can be. This isn’t required for a pet, which is why the days off aren’t actually needed from a workplace POV.

Maybe shes less resilient than you, maybe shes less dedicated, maybe she priorities her personal wellbeing more..

Maybe it's easier for her over 1 day when shes grieving a beloved companion to think its one day everyone will understand where as your situation has been more prolonged and you dont have the luxury of a one off so feel more pressure to keep going.

I hope you feel better soon and your manager is ok after her loss

Do house plants count i could really do with a week off 🤔

I agree that it would be unusual to be covered in any policy but op doesn’t know that she definitely used compassionate leave?

When you say you expected more from her, do you expect her not to take leave?

I think the mistake your manager made was being open about why she had a day off. That was between her and her manager.

If you range her tonight and said you were feeling overwhelmed with everything, you needed a rest day and needed to take a day of annual leave tomorrow would she be okay? I certainly would as a manager.

I voted yabu. I will be devastated when my ddog is no longer here. I have a full life, loving family and friends but my dog has been my daily companion for the past 8 years. I wfh 3-4 days a week and he’s constantly at my feet, providing company at home and daily walks. He’s a constant source of unjudgemental love and reassurance. He’s such a huge part of my daily life and routine, more so than most people in my life so when he’s gone there will be a huge gaping hole.

Bit that’s not what the thread is about. It’s about whether this woman should have taken a days leave because her dog died.

You have said it is ridiculous for her to take leave. OP herself isn’t sure why this annoys her. One day leave at short notice would be fine in a lot of organisations. OP has no reason to believe it’s anything other than annual leave.

i really don’t understand why the big fuss.

Yes of course she would be. She’s a good manager in that sense and always tells me to take time if I need it.
I’ve noticed the only other person who isn’t sending long gushing emails back is the woman who has also been through hell this last year, maybe she feels like me about it.
Honestly the thread has opened my eyes and I am now feeling more empathy to her and realising she’s just a nice person

Although she’s just announced another day off today!

It depends on the workplace - and a decent HR dept should be able to manage flex. The loss of a family member in traumatic circumstances - suicide or murder or accident - can’t be predicted or prepared for and the funeral etc are not tied up in a couple of days. Lots of people bereaved in these circumstances end up leaving work because of crappy policies around bereavement and ending up in poverty. Hardly compassionate.

As someone who was only entitled to 5 days when my dad died suddenly and in horrible circumstances, I can relate! But I think we need to set expectation for HR - they are there for the employer not the employees, and will only ever enforce policies that are in the interest of the organisation. Never met a HR person who was keen to give more to employees than they already had!