Asked to give up my seat on bus

[Motnight]

On a packed London bus. A pregnant young woman has asked for my seat (only know that she is pregnant from her badge).I've said no, can she ask one of the younger more able bodied people sitting opposite or behind me? There are at least 4 people that are in their 20s / 30s and look physically fit sitting down.

She looked very shocked but just said ok. I am in my early 60s. I fell on ice a few days ago and am feeling a bit more wobbly than usual. Was I unreasonable?

Why are you so fixated on young women? I see this kind of behaviour from both sexes.

No disrespect to the OP and I agree with PP who think both deserved a seat. Coming on to make a general point that early 60s is not old/elderly! I'm 62 and extremely fit. I'm well able to stand for long periods of time, and in fact get rather offended when polite young people offer me their seat on the tube 😂

wow...pregnancy (in the majority) isnt an illness...i rode my motorblke to work and back everyday and i was 2 weeks over due before i stopped...

Imagine if you got an invisible disability for a moment. Please reflect on it. The impact, the pain, the loss, the utter horror of it.

Then imagine someone claimed you were making it up.

Please, please don't.

Why? @Motnight had more need of a seat. Being pregnant is not a disabiity.

Most priority seats are signposted as being for the elderly, disabled, pregnant women and women with babes in arms.

It's not a competition where pregnancy trumps every other person's needs.

Whenever I see people giving up their seats to pregnant womwn, it's nearly almost always other women of all ages (and sometimes younger men). Very rarely the middle age men in suits doing their very busy important work on their phones.

She probably asked you because she sub consciously thought this, but I would say a better tactic would be for her to say 'would anyone mind giving up their seat?' in general, rather than target one person.

You needed the seat, so you were fine to decline.

She was within her rights to ask for a priority seat, pregnancy can affect women differently, she is allowed to need a priority seat.

Nonsense! OP was the priority in this case.

I think maybe you're feeling guilty cos you perhaps should have explained to her that you couldn't give up your seat as you had recently had a fall and felt a bit wobbly. Is that it?

As I’ve said, I’m well aware that hidden disabilities exist! But I don’t believe that EVERY young woman by any means who I see using priority seats, is afflicted. Especially when I never see young men doing the same.

What part of that do you not understand?

The OP didn’t say that she had actually sustained an injury . Clearly well enough to be using public transport a few days later. As someone who is currently navigating public transport on crutches with a Tib/fib fracture it’s infuriating when people who are clearly not disabled plonk themselves in the priority seats. And yes - I know there are hidden disabilities.

OP wasn't in a priority seat.

Please don’t anyone tell me they’ve all got hidden disabilities - I simply don’t believe it. And why is it always young women, and never young men? I don’t think I’ve ever seen a young man doing this.

The young men are all on the Tube! And, yes, some may well have hidden disabilities. But I don’t imagine all of them do.

Just wait till you're over 60, is all I say.

I hope someone let her sit if she needed a seat.

60 is hardly ancient these days.

No reason why someone fit and healthy in their 60s shouldn’t give up their seat to someone who needs it more.

you come across as a horrible person...who gives you the right to dictate who's more worthy of a seat ...a 60+ lady or a non visible pregnant lady...take a day off from your self righteousness

I sat in the guards van most nights on my train home on my bag. I was blooming huge, I didn’t ask for a seat and no one offered.

OP I think you probably should have explained why. Short and sweet., sorry I’m not very well myself

Not if you also qualify for one, you've got there first.

But in any event the OP wasn't in a priority seat so the issue didn't arise. She needed a seat so she said she did. I am sure there were other people on the bus who were able to give a pregnant lady their seat.

There's zero need for disability/need top trumps. If two people need a seat, then the one who was there first keeps it and the second one gets one from someone who doesn't need it.

No but the OP wasn't fit and healthy - even if that was a temporary condition it still counts. And no doubt there were people in their 20s and 30s on the bus who were fit and healthy.

I think that was totally fine.

When I was pregnant, I would always try to ask the more able bodied looking people but obviously you can’t always tell - so if they’d said “actually I need a seat too” that would have been fine.

Hopefully someone who was able to stand heard the exchange and got up (sorry if this has been clarified but I haven’t RTFT).

Once I accidentally asked a man in his (perhaps) early 60s as I was standing a bit behind him, and I was mortified when I saw his face properly - although he was happy to get up I felt really bad.

I would have got up instead if I’d heard this exchange - I’m late 40s.

Edit - I don’t think she was U either, but both sides of the exchange were fine on the assumption said politely.

I had the complete oposite experience on the tube just before Christmas - I'm early 50s and for the first time I had younger people offering me a seat (which I declined except for the one person who really insisted). I'm beginning to worry that I look old and haggard...

At the risk of cancelling the cheque....I was not in a priority seat 😬

The bus was designed such that the pregnant woman walked past 6 priority seats (3 sets of 2) to get to mine. It was very full. My guess is that it wasn't until she reached my part of the bus that she realised that the whole of the downstairs was packed.

I am feeling more comfortable with my decision now. And I don't think that it was up to me to try and find a seat for her. I was polite I think.

As others have said being in your early 60s isn't old. But falling on ice at the weekend has made me feel less confident in my ability to stand at the moment. I am a little bruised and my left hand which most of my weight went on when I fell is hurting.

I was standing on a fairly busy bus and witnessed a pregnant young woman( not visibly and no badge )ask a man who was 75ish for a priority seat, his equally elderly wife said but he’s not well!!! The man still got up and she still sat down . Another young man piped up with why didn’t just you ask me??? And went to give his non priority seat to elderly man . I think common sense should be that people in need of a seat try younger people first.