Asked to give up my seat on bus

[Motnight]

On a packed London bus. A pregnant young woman has asked for my seat (only know that she is pregnant from her badge).I've said no, can she ask one of the younger more able bodied people sitting opposite or behind me? There are at least 4 people that are in their 20s / 30s and look physically fit sitting down.

She looked very shocked but just said ok. I am in my early 60s. I fell on ice a few days ago and am feeling a bit more wobbly than usual. Was I unreasonable?

Yes. London transport (I think) do badges saying.. baby on board
As a prompt to get seated people to offer their seat

Also can people not get offended if people offer you a seat and you don't need/want it.

If you don't want it, either accept it anyway or decline nicely "oh its ok thank you, I am getting off at the next stop anyway".

Oh, I agree with you that OP shouldn’t have given up her seat, but that’s not due to her age; it’s due to the feeling wobbly. There will definitely have been people on the bus more able to give up their seat.

I’ve seen young men doing it loads! And young women, and middle aged people of both sexes, and children, and everyone basically.

As long as they either do get up when asked, or if they do need the seat say “I’m afraid I have a hidden disability/ need this seat” then all is good, surely?

Nothing wrong with asking, nothing wrong with saying no if there’s a good reason.

Are you usually this unpleasant to middle-aged women? Would you say that to her face?

Hard though this might be to get your head around, this is a situation where neither party was being unreasonable. Pregnancy isn't a disability (but often can result in awful symptoms where you might need to sit down pronto) and nor is middle-age (but again you might be a lot more prone to pain, bad joints, dizziness etc than someone young enough to be your child). I'd be ashamed to have thought that someone in their 60's who was feeling and jarred from a recent fall didn't need a seat.

I think it's fairly likely that the young pregnant woman picked the seated person she felt least intimidated by/was most sure would give way for her. If I'd have been the OP I'd have helped the younger woman grow a pair and helped her ask (loudly) if anyone younger than you felt able to give a pregnant woman a seat.

Yanbu, neither of you were. I’ve been asked to move before, they weren’t unreasonable for asking me and I’m not unreasonable for saying no, I just say no I’m sorry type thing but don’t get into the why. It’s never been a problem.

I think it’s a myth that people get offended when offered a seat. I’ve never seen it once in 25 years+ as an adult travelling in and around London (and expect other parts of the UK are similar).

Sorry, I know you weren't. I was just responding to the pp who said pregnant women don't need a priority set.

As per my previous post, I think you were right to say no, and I hope she asked the carriage at large to give her a seat.

Do you know what she did after she asked you?

@Motnight tells us there were several other younger, apparently able-bodied passengers, NONE of whom offered their seat.

It's interesting that the pregnant woman picked on an older woman. Why didn't she ask one of the younger passengers??? Did she think an older woman would be a soft touch? Did she not expect her peers to help her? Why not? That is a very telling decision of the pregnant woman ...

They were the selfish ones, not the OP.

Did someone else give her a seat?

I was on a train today and there were loads of young people in their twenties mainly men on the underground row and at least three people who looked to be late sixties early seventies standing. I would expect my kids to stand for them and young able adults

@Motnight did you explain why you didn't want to give up your seat?

Rather than 'no, can you ask someone else' I'd have said 'I'm really sorry but I've just had a fall and I'm not feeling too good. Would you mind asking someone else?'

Steady on. Why are you pitting older women against younger women?

She did not 'pick on' on OP , she asked for a seat. She should have asked the carriage at large but you have blown this way out of proportion. Younger women are not your enemy.

For the majority, it isn’t an illness.

I think we all understand that for some people, for various reasons inc. sickness, backache, etc. it’s a very difficult time.

Op isn’t whinging she is asking if we think she was unreasonable.

I think that I said no I am in my early 60s, and could she ask one of the younger more able bodied passengers. Something along those lines. Definitely mentioned my age. Didn't say anything about my feeling a bit wobbly - I didn't want a conversation!

You shouldn't have to explain your need anyway.

Completely disagree

OP's needs were no less than the woman's needs.

Unless there is a medical reason, I think it’s ridiculous to think early pregnancy is a reason for a seat. Later on, yes.

You were fine to keep your seat. You've had a fall and need to sit, she is pregnant and also needs to sit, but you cant get into who needs it more, they are first come first served. I hope someone else was able to give her a seat but its not your responsibility.

I see this quite alot but not just men. My gripe is little children that could go on a parents knees when a bus is crowded.

nonsense. raising children to not stand whilst a perfectly fit and able stands isn't raising a generation of selfish beats who expect the elderly to subjugate all their needs to the tide of youth 🤨.

my kids move if the other person is less able / less safe standing. so you, as an elderly person, yes. a 20 yo in gym gear, no

I need a stick to walk and stand but I’d still give my seat up for someone elderly or pregnant as if they fell, it would be far more serious. I’m already knackered 😂