Asked to give up my seat on bus

[Motnight]

On a packed London bus. A pregnant young woman has asked for my seat (only know that she is pregnant from her badge).I've said no, can she ask one of the younger more able bodied people sitting opposite or behind me? There are at least 4 people that are in their 20s / 30s and look physically fit sitting down.

She looked very shocked but just said ok. I am in my early 60s. I fell on ice a few days ago and am feeling a bit more wobbly than usual. Was I unreasonable?

Are you crazy or something ? Is is cultural ! I’ve lived in the uk for 25 years and some things are very different to mainland Europe . Stating a fact is not bad in any way . You are defending the way you think so why did you get offended ? It’s not news that most countries especially those in the south of Europe or Mediterranean are more family oriented and more oriented towards children . Exactly why do you get offended when it’s that ?

She did say that - this is the OP's update, talking about age and who to ask.

I think that I said no I am in my early 60s, and could she ask one of the younger more able bodied passengers. Something along those lines. Definitely mentioned my age. Didn't say anything about my feeling a bit wobbly - I didn't want a conversation!

If she doesn't want a conversation, she should say sorry, I can't help, not give instructions.

Together with the not looking that pregnant comment here it feels rude.

You weren’t unreasonable to keep the seat, but I probably would have added a brief explanation so that she didn’t think that nobody would give her a seat. Perhaps, I’m sorry I can’t, I fell recently and am not physically ok - please would you ask someone else.

That's not rude. That's someone who had been put on the spot.

I would have definitely given her my seat.

She’s okay to ask and you’re okay to say sorry I’m actually quite frail at the moment. But you do need to explain you need the seat.

As someone who has been not visibly pregnant before, I was still an able bodied human capable of standing and wouldn’t dream of asking someone for their seat just because there was a foetus the size of a grain of sand inside me.

Now someone who is heavily pregnant is a different story, but I was sturdy, going to the gym and living an active life when not visibly pregnant and someone who was a bit wobbly from a recent fall would have deserved the seat much more than me.

So I don’t really understand your point.

Goodness so many responses.

Just to confirm that I don't consider myself old, but I am definitely well past middle age 😬. Not sure if there's a phrase for that!

I don't feel that I was rude.

I guess that my thoughts are now that both I and the pregnant woman had a need to be sitting down. But her need didn't trump mine. I just happened to have a seat and she didn't. I honestly don't know why she asked me specifically and do wonder now if people are right and thought that I would be more likely to say yes.

I don't think that I owed it to her to make her not having a seat my responsibility by asking people to move on her behalf.

Since when did being, a little bit pregnant! Mean you need a priority seat?

@freakingscared I agree. I'm 62 and no way do I need to sit down. On the tube someone tried to give me their seat. I'd already walked many miles, and by the end of my day in London I'd walked 18.5 miles (2 miles to station, 14.5 in London and 2 miles home from station. Could well have been fitter than her. When I was in my 30s and had morning sickness all day a seat would have been welcome.

Would never have expected to be given seat but needed one more when not visibly pregnant and very sick. Never needed it in late pregnancy.

YANU for saying no but YAU for assuming that the other younger people were "able bodied" when anyone of them could have hidden disabilities and need the seat.

You’d have a point if OP was assuming that. IMO she wasn’t. She suggested that the woman ask them. They would be free to decline if they had a hidden disability. All OP was assuming was that the woman would have a decent chance with them, which would be a fair assumption I think.

And let’s not forget that the actual OP herself says that she normally stands for others. She clearly doesn’t normally consider herself in need of a priority seat, or any seat. But on this specific occasion she’d fallen on ice and was feeling uncharacteristically wobbly. It may well be that on a normal day she’d agree with you!

but op is, if not elderly objectively, then still approaching it, has had a recent fall and didn't feel secure standing. I don't disagree that SOMEONE should have given pregnant woman a seat, just that it shouldn't be op.

I find it depressing that someone only in her early 60s thinks herself old. The world is ageist enough without doing it to herself. Thank Goodness for people like Sara Cox.

In that case she needn't have mentioned her age. The relevant fact is having fallen and that can happen at any age.

Personally I would take my chance of an old person getting hurt than a person loosing a pregnancy

Sometimes I find myself reading the weirdest things on here. I mean would you take a look at that sentence. Surely it shouldn’t be either/or, it should have been someone else standing up. Which was the OP’s point.

Could you give us a bit more of an idea of how you would envisage a pregnancy getting lost in its early stages through standing on a bus? I should say at this stage that I lost my third pregnancy at 16 weeks, so during my 4th was pretty sensitive/terrified, but I would stand on a bus in early stages. I’m not talking about nausea or anything like that, but specifically for you to explain your point about losing the pregnancy, which was the specific risk you mentioned. Thanks.

Except that once you reach your 60s you find that when you're seeing medics, ever so often they'll ask whether you've had any falls recently, so the medics seem to think that you're more likely to have a fall once you hit that decade and when you're actually that age falls have more serious repercussions, unfortunately. You certainly don't heal as quickly as you used to.

I'm relatively fit, I suppose, but my lower limbs are my bugbear because of a genetic predisposition to certain problems. Trying to keep myself fit staved off the problem for 60 yrs but the medics tell me that you can only do that for so long.

Similarly, I developed a shoulder problem because I was put in a position where I had to lift a heavy weight. 20 yrs previously, it wouldn't have been a problem. At the age of 60 it was a problem and I finished up needing a shoulder decompression.

and at 64 my MIL wasn't,, with severe arthritis and several other conditions that means she absolutely wouldn't be safe on a bus.

it would have to be a pretty big fall for most not-yet-showing women to lose a pregnancy, surely a comparative fall in an older person could result in a life threatening or ending injury (head injury etc). just whilst we're being dramatic.

would you rather an old person died than a pregnant being lost? how do you even morally evaluate that in your head??

If she wasn’t showing she might have felt sick and very tired - those first couple of months can be really hard going.

I do sympathise with that, but I'm puzzled that she didn't ask a younger person. As others have said, it's possible that a younger person might have an invisible disability, but that's true of anyone.

wel no one is saying she HAS to stand, just that someone who also isn't feeling well isn't obliged to give her THEIR seat.

Well she's also saying that some cultures are more child oriented than others. Not a lot of sense coming from that quarter.

It's fine if you feel you need the seat. I am in my early 60s and feel like I could very easily stand, I don't think of myself as old in any way. So I would have given up my seat. I appreciate you had a fall, but on age alone, she was ok to ask in my view.