Asked to give up my seat on bus

[Motnight]

On a packed London bus. A pregnant young woman has asked for my seat (only know that she is pregnant from her badge).I've said no, can she ask one of the younger more able bodied people sitting opposite or behind me? There are at least 4 people that are in their 20s / 30s and look physically fit sitting down.

She looked very shocked but just said ok. I am in my early 60s. I fell on ice a few days ago and am feeling a bit more wobbly than usual. Was I unreasonable?

She was within her rights but you weren't obliged to give it up. BUT don't think of yourself as old. Wobbly after a fall, yes, fair to take it easy for a while. But plenty time for that when you ARE old. It annoys me when people try to give me seats (fortunately rarely happens) since I'm probably fitter than them.

I had horrific morning sickness with both DC before I was showing. In fact I needed a seat more in those early days as opposed to when I got into my second trimester and felt slightly more human. I was once on a packed commuter train and felt really dizzy and sick (I had a badge) and it was eventually a pregnant woman herself who offered me her seat as I was clearly about to faint. Only then did some of her neighbours pipe up and offer me a seat instead!

Anyway, it’s fine not to give up your seat if you feel you need it. I imagine the lady who asked you was pretty taken aback as it often takes a lot of confidence to ask for a seat when you’re pregnant so she’s likely a bit shocked and embarrassed too. I hope she was able to get a seat elsewhere.

Not unreasonable at all OP you needed to sit and could have toppled.
You did nothing wrong, she asked and it’s okay so say no.

I think she deserved the seat

No need for pretending to be pregnant to get a badge, Transport for London also gives out ‘please offer me a seat’ badges which anyone can request, young or old, sick or not, male or female. No proof needed. (But tbh who would be so petty to wear a badge for no reason just to get a seat.)

Being old is no illness either, are you going to ask a 95 year old lady to get up next time for someone on crutches because she’s just old?

Jesus. You're so rude

Absolutely fine to say no if you need the seat, they can always ask someone else.

I am often the person that gets asked to move - people will walk past a load of other seated passengers to ask me, I suppose I must look like I'm not going to say no or ignore them. I must admit it does irritate me sometimes that all the grumpy/rude people get a free pass. I don't blame them for asking the person who looks most approachable though, either.

Don’t question yourself. The very fact you are questioning yourself means you are probably thoughtful. Just trust your instinct that you don’t feel tip top and there were other younger people around - given there were several, I’m sure there just have been someone well able to stand comfortably. You’re just being sensible.

Wtf? Because she didn't give up the seat she actually felt she needed to be in?

There really is an expectation that older women should be doormats.

Maybe you look much younger?

I commuted in central right up until 38 weeks

people always offered me seats. I never wore a badge
I didnt mind standing for a few stops either

But never suffered with nausea so maybe she was feeling rough?

A 60 year old woman is not old !! My mum is 64 and she is very fit ! Personally I would take my chance of an old person getting hurt than a person loosing a pregnancy . But no point arguing with people like you , it’s clearly cultural because I would never risk the life of any child

A fetus isnt a child. And it's absolutely not your call to make that an elderly woman should get injured instead.

My mother had severe osteoporosis and balance issues in her early sixties. A fall could have disabled or killed her.

Under what circumstance do you imagine a pregnant woman losing her baby due to standing on the bus?

Some of the justifications for a young pregnant woman needing a seat more than a 60 year old who is wobbly following a fall are just unreal.

She saw you as the soft target and less likely to tell her to FO, unlike the younger ones might have done.

Not the point but why do so many people have trouble spelling losing and lose, correctly.

Or could just be a chancer wearing a pregnant badge. As OP said she could have asked the other able bodied people but id assume they were men. I remember standing numerous times on the 45 min tube commute, height of summer, very visibly pregnant and men would pretend the hadnt seen me, I used to stare as I knew they would look up, once I caught their eye, most would act "oh I didnt see you...." and kind of offered out of shame I think.

Not giving up her seat is the only non-rude part here. The communication part is the problem - both there and here.

Here the comment about not being enough visibly pregnant was rude, suggesting the woman didn't really need the seat (when her blood pressure can be all over the place)

There, the lecturing her about her age and who should she ask instead. Just politely say, "sorry I need the seat"/"Sorry, I'm not safe to stand either", and done.

Pregnant isn't a priority of any kind.

But she said none of that in her actual interaction with the woman. What she did relay wasnt rude in the least, plus she was clearly taken aback in the moment.

Yes , off course I should apologise to you for speaking and writing 4 languages and having a keyboard often changing things . I suppose in your weird view anyone that doesn’t speak English to your standard ( god knows what that is given your bigotry ) must be dumb .

A 60 year old woman is at that border between middle aged and old. Some are in better physical and mental shape than others. But in all of them, there is more significant bone and muscle loss than younger people. A fall is likely to injure them more severely and cost them more function than a younger person. OP was at high risk for another fall where a pregnant woman standing for the length of a bus ride is not at a health risk unless they're supposed to be home on bedrest. There were other people she could have asked. She thought the old lady would be a soft touch.

Elders are discounted and resented and shunted aside in many Western cultures. Look at how many here begrudge an older woman a seat on the bus. 🙄

It must that culture you looked down on and acted superior with not many comments ago.

We should definitely all feel sorry for you now you spelt something incorrectly, and someone noticed . . .