Asked to give up my seat on bus

[Motnight]

On a packed London bus. A pregnant young woman has asked for my seat (only know that she is pregnant from her badge).I've said no, can she ask one of the younger more able bodied people sitting opposite or behind me? There are at least 4 people that are in their 20s / 30s and look physically fit sitting down.

She looked very shocked but just said ok. I am in my early 60s. I fell on ice a few days ago and am feeling a bit more wobbly than usual. Was I unreasonable?

Sorry I need the seat but I'm sure one of these younger ones would be kind enough.

Do some women wear a badge now when pregnant? Never heard of this.

Being pregnant is not an illness!

I suspect the OP is asking because she’s nice and was brought up in a different age and if she feels anything about not giving her seat up it’s guilt she’s feeling, not that she feels I reasonable.

Op, don’t feel guilty about what happened. You are the stage in life where you should be getting offered seats, not giving them up.

You were unreasonable for not telling her you'd slipped on ice and couldn't get up easily. You were unreasonable for thinking because she isn't showing she didn't need a seat. I have horrible memories of feeling dizzy and faint in early pregnancy on the tube on no fuckers moving for me.

No but sometimes it can make you feel ill!
Some ridiculous comments on here about people choosing to be pregnant and not entitled to a seat. The human race would die out if people didn’t have children.

You needed your seat and she should have asked someone younger and fitter.
I would never have asked a woman for her seat when I was pregnant (nor a man) but I did stand right next to the youngest and fittest looking male on the bus if there was no seat available. Always got a seat that way. Eye contact helps too and maybe a pained look if necessary but that was only in the 3rd trimester which was plain to see.

I live on a local train route to the coast, about a 20 minute journey from nearest town. I use it regularly because I work in a shop on the seafront. It's fine most of the time, plenty of room for all, but during the school hols, full of teenagers off for a jolly at the seaside. Absolutely nothing wrong with that, they're having a great time.

It does mean the train is heaving during the holidays and seats are all taken up by teenagers basically. The train fills up at the first station and anyone else getting on hasn't a chance of a seat. And that's fine too. The kids got on first.
However, often there will be elderly people get on the train at subsequent stations and I'm always pretty annoyed to see nobody offer them a seat.
I've stood in the vestibule of the train with people who are obviously in their 70s, some even with walking sticks, or needing to grab a handhold to lean on - and in the 20 years I've been travelling I've never seen any young person offer their seat to someone who obviously needs it. I'm in my 60s and have offered my seat to someone older, or a couple of times to someone heavily pregnant.

It makes me wonder why good manners and consideration for others has changed so much in the past 50 years. I was always taught as a child (I know, yadda yadda yadda} to offer my seat to someone who obviously needs it.

Personally, I think youngsters are just oblivious to anyone too old to matter.

The problem is that any woman can easily get one of those badges so unless the bump is pretty obvious you can not be certain that she is indeed pregnant or just being a cheeky fucker.

I'd definitely have given up my seat for the pregnant woman. Or, for that matter, to anyone who needed to ask - it's not an easy thing to do, to ask when you're in need.
I'm 79. I am always extremely grateful to the lovely people who (without me having to ask) give up their seats for me. Most usually happens on the Tube but also, tho' less often, on the bus.
I have aches for all of my years and don't so much sit down as fall or collapse into my seat. But I am not disabled and can manage standing quite easily if there is something to lean up against. Those most in need come first.

You are fine OP! I wasn’t offered a seat nor did I ask during my pregnancy. I just got the best tube/bus of I saw it was full. I never wore the bags either I always wonder what happens to if afterwards. Is it handed back to TFL? Recycled?

I hate that even women ask other women to move because they know women are more likely to move and that it is more intimidating to ask a man. She should have asked the young men on the bus not a woman in her sixties. YANBU

The OP says, On a packed London bus. A pregnant young woman has asked for my seat (only know that she is pregnant from her badge)

God there are some nasty selfish people (women) on here. I’m going to remember this thread when the next 60 year old lady asks me to give them my seat on a bus and second guess whether I should!!

Being pregnant is not an illness!

No but sometimes it can make you feel ill!
Some ridiculous comments on here about people choosing to be pregnant and not entitled to a seat

Quite. Being pregnant can make you feel pretty grim but you have to keep on carrying on with the normal responsibilities of life. A caring society would go out of their way to make life a bit easier for anyone who is at a fragile time in their lives.

But we don't really have a caring society nowadays. Just people who don't see why they should care about other people. I sat here first so it's my seat.
Me, me, me. I see it in posts on here all the time.

It makes me wonder why good manners and consideration for others has changed so much in the past 50 years. I was always taught as a child (I know, yadda yadda yadda} to offer my seat to someone who obviously needs it.

I think you've hit the nail on the head.

It should be the case that those in priority seats are those that actually need them, and signage is worded to the effect that you should cede the seat if necessary/possible.

I'm fairly certain that my local buses have words to this effect. Some idiots people have started taking them very literally though. I sat in a priority seat recently as they were the only free ones. Another passenger told me I wasnt allowed to sit there as it was for old/disabled people. I told him I'd move if someone needed the seat, but I wasn't going to stand on the off chance. As it happened no one got on that needed it.

I stood on packed train everyday 25 mins no seat offered even when 38.5 weeks pregnant. Being pregnant isnt a disability either. The lady was there first not feeling great and there were other people that could be asked. Hardly entitled

@wrongthinker What about "young fit women" age of equality and all that! It does say something, that she chose an elder woman and not a snotty nosed girl or boy or middle aged people as they do not give a shit, this etiquette comes from older generations and not how anybody reacts in this world today, apart from a very, very few, who have been brought up by the very people with older generations with family values, simple kindness, the OP was unable to give her seat up end of.

I hate that even women ask other women to move because they know women are more likely to move and that it is more intimidating to ask a man. She should have asked the young men on the bus not a woman in her sixties. YANBU

I'm banging on about this a bit today because I travel a lot on trains, intercity and local. I'm clearly, to everyone, well over 60. I'm just reminded that on a recent local train, a young woman (teens/twenties) was most put about and sour faced when I moved towards the spare seat beside her which was accommodating her rucksack. She humped it around and made a big show of not knowing where to put it apart from the seat beside her. She put it back on the seat and made the gesture of a shrug at me, to communicate that there was nowhere else for her to put it. I continued advancing towards the seat and she eventually had to hold it on her lap. She was seriously acting like I'd inconvenienced her. She had to hug that damn rucksack for half an hour because an entitled old hag demanded to sit down in its seat. If looks could kill I'd be ashes at this moment.

That was definitely entitlement.

I had a similar thread a couple of years ago. Id broken my shoulder which was in a sling. I sat in a priority seat as I couldn't stand safely. A woman similar age to me was sitting in the aisle seat. I'm late 50s. An older lady got on, I didn't feel I was able to stand properly, so the aisle lady gave her a seat. It was 50/50 on MN whether I should have stood.

(For context, I'd fractured the other shoulder 2 years before, which required surgery which was really, really painful. This time the hospital were considering the same again and I was doing everything possible to avoid falling or anything which might have made it worse and having no choice but to have the surgery. I'd already had a bone density scan saying I had osteopenia, which is early stages of osteoporosis).

Yes. For the London Underground/ buses because they get so packed.

I remember being around 37 weeks pregnant (with a badge)and I had been standing for about 10 minutes. And one man stood up after a while and said ‘oh c’mon we’ve all seen her!’

Sometimes without those badges - you will never get a seat.

Women can (and do) give up their seats, yes. I guess I would just like to see a return of gentlemanly behaviour!

I would always give up my seat if I saw someone in need, but I think part of it is that I am quite likely to not be on my phone, so I actually notice other people and try to be considerate of them.

I would've said you have been, but not after I read your circumstances. Yes of course younger people should've offered her a seat, not you.

Vile is suggesting that an older person, unsteady on their feet, is of no importance.