Asked to give up my seat on bus

[Motnight]

On a packed London bus. A pregnant young woman has asked for my seat (only know that she is pregnant from her badge).I've said no, can she ask one of the younger more able bodied people sitting opposite or behind me? There are at least 4 people that are in their 20s / 30s and look physically fit sitting down.

She looked very shocked but just said ok. I am in my early 60s. I fell on ice a few days ago and am feeling a bit more wobbly than usual. Was I unreasonable?

Not unreasonable to ask and not unreasonable for you to decline if you needed it. I'm pregnant atm and people generally don't offer their seats, even priority, unless I ask. Although I usually try to ask a young man.

I must say that when people don't look pregnant that can often be when they need it the most. I struggled with a lot of bleeding in my first trimester and although I wore a badge no one ever gave me a seat which I really needed so I ended up waiting for multiple trains to come till it was empty enough for me to get one. I got braver with asking as my bump became more visible!

She had a badge on, and he said he'd have got up if asked. So he should have just got up.

Nope no badge

Totally agree. Should disabled people live in caves?

I've found no trend. Literally none. Some people are nice, some aren't. Is that just me?

Sorry, but fuck that. I'm 70 and although generally fit, I'm just starting to have some minor issues that could lead to me needing a seat on buses (not the tube as yet, as that tends to be less jerky).
I'm not going to start building my routine around not inconveniencing those younger than me.

but given it's cheaper and quieter to travel later, it would suggest those travelling earlier need to. it doesnt matter of their needs meet your criteria. no one is travelling rush hour public transport for shits and giggles! and I caught a bus at 10 am today, theoretically every 7 minutes and it was rammed. I and my son managed to get a seat but we took the last two. waiting later doesn't necessarily mean an empty bus

Both of you were being reasonable.

I had the same recently recovering from a leg injury. I look fine but could not stand beyond a few minutes. A pregnant woman asked and I declined. She looked a bit miffed but a guy then gave her his seat. Signs do warn that disabilities maybe hidden.

No they are also for the elderly and injured.

Why does the pregnant woman Trump an elderly woman with balance issues after a fall?

You did the right thing.

It really p**s me off when those who are pregnant, those who CHOOSE to be pregnant, expect everyone to move so they can sit down!

I'm female, an ex-bus driver, and have seen loads of it over the years, pregnant people expecting unfit or disabled or elderly people to move. I even had one who demanded that a man in a wheelchair move out of the wheelchair section so she could sit down because she was heavily pregnant and dragging another 3 sprogs along with her! I told her NO, he didn't ask to be disabled, whereas she chose to be pregnant. She huffed and puffed and threw some mighty tantrums; the man was frightened; her sprogs were screaming, so I threw her and her kids off!

I find it really cringe to ask someone to give up their seat and I’d only do it if I had an explanation to go with it and being pregnant wouldn’t be a good enough excuse for me. I’d have to say I’m really sorry I’m pregnant AND have terrible morning sickness but had to take this journey for example. Or, really sorry to ask but I’ve just had an operation. In your situation, I’d of said I’m really sorry I can’t because….
I would have offered her my seat but I’m in 40’s and healthy.

I’d presume that young people don’t know this rule so wouldn’t overly judge them but I presume all over 40’s do so would judge all people I presumed fit and healthy who didn’t offer. Even worse, a parent who didn’t make their child get up, that would be the epitome of bad manners if my secret judgey mind

A young child is more vulnerable standing in a bus than most adults would be. So I don't have an issue with them having a seat up to about 7 years old.

In Australia, there are signs in trains etc (at least where we were staying) saying that children have to give up their seats to adults. We were on our way back to where we were staying after a long day, and my six year old DD was clearly unwell, and really pale. I stood (together with a couple of other adults) while she had a seat. The other two adults were giving me looks, so I told them that she was unwell (as if it wasn't obvious). But they still huffed.

You weren't being unreasonable at all. I hope someone did offer her a seat though.

When I was very heavily pregnant (and obvious that I was pregnant and not fat) and no one offered, I asked and people just looked down. My friend shouted out that someone needs to get up and someone said I'm getting off at the next stop so you can have my seat then (half hour away). I would be absolutely mortified if my older teens DC did not get up for someone, I do understand not offering as it seems that people get easily offended these days but a lot of people are just rude.

I disagree actually, it's when you feel horribly sick and it's not fun to have to stand up on a stuffy bus!

Quite. As a pp has said, someone doesn't choose to be old or disabled, women do choose to be pregnant (generally speaking, in the UK, anyway).

I'd have got ds to sit on my knee in that scenario. But he was quite small at 6, some children aren't.

Off-peak can be busier than peak. The first train after 9am to London from where I live is always packed because it's significant cheaper than going before 9am. You get a similar thing after 11 when it's cheaper again.

And then they put 4 carriages on it instead of 8 or 12....

Maybe the pregnant woman feels that she is the unreasonable one asking someone in their sixties instead of all the other young people available

Some of the comments on here are just harsh and rude! Im sure some of you just come on mumsnet to be nasty and sarcastic! What sad little lives you must lead. Its very easy to hide behind a keyboard, i doubt you would say these things face to face!

@Motnight you have an injury that she couldn't have seen. you were totally wtihin your right to suggest she approach someone younger.

FWIW when I was 8 months pregnant I was sitting on a bus when a woman got on with a large suitcase and said "I need you to get up so I can put my suitcase there"...

People get on buses and don't always look properly at the person they are asking!

I grew up in mainland Europe and pregnant women ,or those with babies or toddlers , disabled , elderly and young children always have priority , we even have check ups for those categories too .
Personally I would alway give up my seat to a pregnant person or any of the above

A 60 year old is not old either !

Clearly you never had HG or you wouldn’t be so vile

Well of course the first off peak trains and buses will be packed. Maybe get one a bit later. On our line, you can pretty much always get a seat off peak but rush hours are very packed out.