Asked to give up my seat on bus

[Motnight]

On a packed London bus. A pregnant young woman has asked for my seat (only know that she is pregnant from her badge).I've said no, can she ask one of the younger more able bodied people sitting opposite or behind me? There are at least 4 people that are in their 20s / 30s and look physically fit sitting down.

She looked very shocked but just said ok. I am in my early 60s. I fell on ice a few days ago and am feeling a bit more wobbly than usual. Was I unreasonable?

If someone goes to the trouble to ask someone who they think looks reasonable, and they decline, I can only imagine how awful she would have felt to be told no. She may have been in pain, feeling sick.

She felt she needed the seat - fair enough.

It's the mental process and arguments used that makes her unreasonable.
"I'm afraid I'm not safe to stand today" is ok. "I'm early sixties and she didn't really look that much pregnant " combined with a lecture about who she should ask, is entitled.

Can you see the difference?

YANBU. I think she was cheeky to ask.

She should have asked someone younger.

Definitely this. Early 60s is not elderly! Sorry about your fall though OP but you could have helped her out by asking someone else at least.

Wtf wears a pregnancy badge?

That's insane, who asks an elderly man to stand up? Well done to the young man who called it up and gave up his seat.

Quite a few women in London. The scheme’s been going for 20 years; this isn’t a new thing.

After the operation on my feet (when I was in my mid-fifties) I was on the bus from Edinburgh to Fife and I finished up giving up my seat to an elderly chap with a stick. I could have done with keeping the seat, but the priority bench seat along the side was taken up by a young mother having a picnic with her children. (Food spread out in tupperware boxes. I wish I were making this up.)

The mother looked around and smiled at everyone, I recall. Possibly her children had invisible disabilities, but they could certainly have budged up to give the old chap a space. If the mother didn't want her him sitting next to the children, if they'd removed the picnic and sat closer he could have sat on the other side of the mother.

When another elderly person with a walking stick got on at the next stop it was another older person who moved for them. The mother and her children didn't budge until we reached the stop for the Ferrytoll Park 'n' Ride.

YANBU at all. I am almost 60, and I would give up my seat on a bus to anyone I thought needed it - if I was able to. If I was struggling to stand/a bit nauseous/dizzy/feeling a bit rough/had a cold/was recovering from something/had any kind of pain after a fall etc, then I would say 'sorry no I need the seat. Ask someone else.' Bit odd that she asked you. You must have been 20 to 25 years older than her if she was pregnant. Strange that she didn't ask someone younger. (Who looked fit and healthy.) Maybe she thought you would be more of a soft touch...

Why should OP help her out? She should have asked someone else herself. Being pregnant is not a disability. She sounds like a CF to me.

Entitled people who think that pregnancy makes them special.

Lots of women in London wear them. People don't tend to offer as if the women is not actually pregnant merely a bit chunky they can get a bit annoyed. We've all been stung with that one - it's not easy to tell with winter coats etc.

I agree with not standing if you were injured yourself. Seated, like many others I look fine. I'm not fine. I've got severe degeneration of both hips, one knee, 3 vertebrae, and moderate degeneration in both sacroiliac joints. I'm in substantial pain, it's obvious when I walk. I got on the bus one morning, saw no vacant seats (seats mostly filled with school kids) and apologised to driver saying I'll need to catch the next bus as I need a seat. He was lovely and turned around and made a kid move so I could sit. I normally ask kids to get their bags off the seat so I can sit but don't ask them to move if they are sitting. A long time ago children would have stood without being asked but that's no longer taught and as a result when people in need need a seat, even as adults, they won't offer.

I've genuinely never even heard of them. How strange. I'm sure they get abused too, as it seems was the case in this scenario.

Just wow. Such a shitty attitude.

I remember an older lady angrily trying to give me her seat on a bus when I was visibly pregnant but young and fit. I told her I was fine and happy to stand as I was only going a short journey.

She told me if the bus slammed on its brakes suddenly and I fell over, my baby might die. I mean, I hadn’t thought of it like that before but now do try to offer my seat to pregnant women when I see them.

As I said earlier, as an older person I find the opposite. The typical seat offerer in my experience, is a guy in his 20s or 30s. I'd say that's the case 90% of the time.

I'm embarrassed to say that women of all ages tend do the opposite, and have their bags on a second seat, making it unavailable, despite multiple people having to stand. I've now taken to pointedly, yet pleasantly, asking them to pick up their bag so that I can sit. At which they refuse to make eye contact and huff a bit.
It's really disappointing, but in this scenario, it's the men that come out ahead.

Well done for holding your ground. That rude woman ishould have asked someone younger. Exactly like your aptly suggested.

YANBU. I don't think she was necessarily unreasonable to ask (although it sounds like she could have picked someone more suitable) but you certainly weren't unreasonable to refuse when you need a seat too.

I am heavily pregnant myself. I would not ask anybody who was not sitting in a priority seat or anyone slightly elderly. She should have asked those in priority seats first.

That (pregnant) woman who asked the OP for her seat sounds like such a person.

🙄

YANBU. I think that people just expect an older I.e. invisible woman to be safe, motherly and accommodating.

Same, I commuted into London and used the tubes, and I was constantly offered seats. I didn’t actually need them in 2nd trimester, so often said thanks so much that’s really kind but I’m feeling good today so you keep the seat. Later third trimester I was really grateful as I wasn’t feeling quite as good. My pregnancies were more recent, I was really pleasantly surprised by how kind people were

All the LOLz. 😂

Do they really?! Anyone expecting that of me will be very bitterly disappointed!