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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Asked to give up my seat on bus

664 replies

Motnight · 05/01/2026 16:36

On a packed London bus. A pregnant young woman has asked for my seat (only know that she is pregnant from her badge).I've said no, can she ask one of the younger more able bodied people sitting opposite or behind me? There are at least 4 people that are in their 20s / 30s and look physically fit sitting down.

She looked very shocked but just said ok. I am in my early 60s. I fell on ice a few days ago and am feeling a bit more wobbly than usual. Was I unreasonable?

OP posts:
MaddieJo22 · 05/01/2026 19:51

NeverDropYourMooncup · 05/01/2026 18:56

You can have a Disabled Person's Freedom pass and still have utter pillocks haranguing you about not really needing the seat. Personally, I wondered why the full length leg brace and crutches wasn't more of a clue, but then realised that they couldn't actually see me, they just saw a woman taking up space who naturally deserved verbal abuse for doing so.

Yeah, plus I am not good at keeping hold of those badges 😅

Homegrownberries · 05/01/2026 19:52

My guess is that she did a quick scan of the passengers and thought that you looked the most likely to be sympathetic.

Brefugee · 05/01/2026 19:55

waterrat · 05/01/2026 17:39

I LOATHE the statement 'pregnancy isn't an illness' - what sort of horrible culture would leave a pregnant woman, carrying a baby inside her - vulnerable to the danger of falling for starters and possibly feeling really sick - standing over more able bodied people.

what a horrible mindset.

i'll tell you what culture: the one that a woman who has had a fall, was wobbly and is in her 60s is the evil old bat for not giving up a seat when several other younger people could have.

The ageist society that we live in.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 05/01/2026 19:56

QueenBambi · 05/01/2026 19:26

Well, being honest, when you aren't hugely pregnant you can stand on a bus as long as you are able to hold on. The larger you become the more uncomfortable it is and in my experience most people offer their seat to you when you are visibly pregnant and on public transport.
I don't think anyone was bring unreasonable though. It is just one of those things.

Actually, discomfort and illness can start quite early for some.

sunshinestar1986 · 05/01/2026 19:56

midsomermurderer · 05/01/2026 16:39

it takes a bit of bravery to ask, if you were in a priority seat you should have moved

Eh?
Early 60s?
I'm pregnant and would never dare ask someone in their 60s
That's so disrespectful
How's my needs more than theirs?
I was asked my a man possibly in his 70s to move and me being clearly very pregnant
I moved without question

Possiges · 05/01/2026 19:57

sellotapechicken · 05/01/2026 16:56

Oh yes they fucking love them

Oooof someone sounds like they have got a chip on their shoulder…

nomas · 05/01/2026 19:57

Brefugee · 05/01/2026 19:55

i'll tell you what culture: the one that a woman who has had a fall, was wobbly and is in her 60s is the evil old bat for not giving up a seat when several other younger people could have.

The ageist society that we live in.

Have you even read the thread and looked the poll? 89% of people have voted that OP was NBU and also most people have commented that she was right to keep her seat.

No one has called OP an evil old bat, that is just made up crap.

Wouldhavebeenproficient · 05/01/2026 19:59

Brefugee · 05/01/2026 19:55

i'll tell you what culture: the one that a woman who has had a fall, was wobbly and is in her 60s is the evil old bat for not giving up a seat when several other younger people could have.

The ageist society that we live in.

I think you must be reading a different thread.

Imdunfer · 05/01/2026 20:00

Milosc · 05/01/2026 19:47

I would say YABU for this line:

"There are at least 4 people that are in their 20s / 30s and look physically fit sitting down"

You don't know if any of those people have health issues either. You can't tell based on looks just like the woman couldn't tell you fell on ice and were wobbly. That makes you very unreasonable.

No, but she knows that on balance of probability they are a lot more able to stand than she is. There are a lot more people in their 60s who would have trouble standing on a moving bus than people under 30.

The statement taken in context is not unreasonable.

NormasArse · 05/01/2026 20:01

60andcounting · 05/01/2026 16:47

Do women wear badges to say they are pregnant ?

Perhaps, if they’re not showing, but are having health issues related to the pregnancy.

PrettyPickle · 05/01/2026 20:02

People get very territorial and entitled when it comes to seats on public transport.

I was taught from being a child, that I should offer up my seat to any one less abled than myself with good grace. Sadly other passengers do not understand the etiquette of this.

I was on a very over subscribed train, every spare inch had a person standing and luckily I had prebooked and got on the train near the start of the journey so was seated.

Half way through the journey, I could see down the carriage, a young couple standing. The guy was on crutches and the young woman had a very young baby in a car seat. No-one would give them a seat and they were obviously struggling and the blokes in the seats adjacent to where they were standing kept telling them off over the crutches or over her trying to rest the baby seat on the back of a seat to save her arms.

I indicated to them to push through to me and they could have my seat. They were nearly up to my seat when I began to rise from my seat explaining to the people blocking my way that I wanted to give my seat to the couple. As I eased myself out of the seat, this young guy wedged himself into it. I was gobsmacked and he had no shame. I had a shouting match with him and in the end an older guy who was standing, "helped him" out of my seat and the guy with crutches sat down and had the baby on his lap.

Second situation was me on a bus. I had recently had a tumour removed from my spine and needed to go to the hospital for a check up. I had 30 stitches in my back. I could not drive and even if I did the hospital parking was too far for me to walk to the outpatients I needed. I was skint and couldn't afford a taxi. So my elderly Mum, said she would come with me on the bus. On the return journey, my mum made sure she helped me on the bus and asked the driver to wait whilst I got sat down and we sat in the priority seats, so I was in my 50's and my 80 yr old mum was next to me.

About a mile from our home, a well know local woman (mid 60'S) got on, she is over 6ft 6 and always uses the priority seats as there is more leg room and as she paid the bus driver, she was giving me and my mum the death ray stare.

She sat two rows behind me and started telling all around in a loud voice what agony she was in with her knees stuck up her nose due to lack of room and that people like me and my mum should be banned for being disrespectful by occupying seats we did not need. Now I have seen this woman around for years and yes she will have seen me pre illness, walking the dog etc.

I could see the bus driver looking down the bus in his mirror as her voice got louder and louder and more insulting. I was fuming but also mortified. My mum said she would get up and I said no, she was 80 and needed the seat just as much as this other woman, plus she was holding me onto the seat.

In the end I just started telling the woman to shut up, that I was entitled to sit in the priority seat due to ill health and my mum was 80. She kept on goading me and in the end I slowly stood up when the bus was waiting at a stop and the woman rose thinking I was giving my seat up and made comments about it being about time I showed some respect. I told her in no uncertain terms I was not moving neither was my Mum as I pulled up my jumper to reveal my back surgery and told her what a rude cow she was, that I shouldn't have to explain but would have if she had been polite and that she was bang out of order. I explained that had she asked for the seat in a nice manner, I would have explained why I was unable to give it up and no harm would have been done. Instead she choose to be abusive. She called me a few names and the bus driver finally spoke up and told her to shut up or get off the bus.

Through out all of this there were two other seats at the front for wheelchair users and the disabled, and these were occupied by two teenage school kids in uniform. And no-one including the bus driver said anything to them as they sat there with their feet up on the seats.

The point is here that I had been brought up to give my seat up to those less able than me. If I am a healthy 70 year old and there is someone on crutches, I would give my seat up. Its the less able bit that counts. But as a sign of respect, as a kid, I would automatically give my seat up to someone older than me, a pregnant woman, someone with a disability (whether temporary or permanent) or a parent wrangling a young child.

So OP, in your case, I think the pregnant woman should have asked a younger person to give up a seat based on age alone and she chose you as she thought you would be more sympathetic, and you quite rightly declined for justifiable reasons you should not have to explain.

ParmaVioletTea · 05/01/2026 20:05

LighthouseLED · 05/01/2026 18:30

60 is hardly ancient these days.

No reason why someone fit and healthy in their 60s shouldn’t give up their seat to someone who needs it more.

And I regularly do give up my seat (I'm 67). But if I'd just sustained a fall, and wasn't sure of my ability to stay standing safely, no I wouldn't give up my seat.

readingisallowed · 05/01/2026 20:05

Did she then ask someone else to move.

NormasArse · 05/01/2026 20:06

sunshinestar1986 · 05/01/2026 19:56

Eh?
Early 60s?
I'm pregnant and would never dare ask someone in their 60s
That's so disrespectful
How's my needs more than theirs?
I was asked my a man possibly in his 70s to move and me being clearly very pregnant
I moved without question

Edited

Pregnant women have different needs, just as people in their 60s do.

I’m 60 this year and I would get up for a pregnant woman because I’m able bodied and have good balance (I’m a Paddleboard instructor).

Some pregnant women have low blood pressure (I did), which makes them more likely to be wobbly.

Some 60yr olds might be infirm due to health issues; some pregnant women might be as strong as cart horses.

Wouldhavebeenproficient · 05/01/2026 20:07

Motnight · 05/01/2026 18:47

I think that I said no I am in my early 60s, and could she ask one of the younger more able bodied passengers. Something along those lines. Definitely mentioned my age. Didn't say anything about my feeling a bit wobbly - I didn't want a conversation!

My Mum and MIL are 68 and 70 and both would be horribly offended if offered a bus seat. Both are very fit. Someone mentioned that some pregnant women run marathons: so do some 60 somethings!

I don't think age is the issue here, it's feeling unwell and having had a fall.

You were absolutely within your rights to refuse to give up the seat of course, but another woman who looks exactly the same as you may have been happy to.

Imdunfer · 05/01/2026 20:15

The question is that, since it's a fact that a much higher percentage of 60 something people will be unable to stand comfortably than 30 something people, why this young woman asked an older woman and not one of the younger people on the bus.

I tend to think it says a lot about her expectations of how a younger person might react.

ParmaVioletTea · 05/01/2026 20:19

CremeCarmel · 05/01/2026 19:17

Don’t feel guilty! She asked you because she was too intimidated to ask the younger people. Good for you that you refused. She should have started with the younger ones.

And in all this talk of selfishness & entitlement, I think we need to reflect on why you might surmise that

She asked you because she was too intimidated to ask the younger people.

What is intimidating to a young woman about asking her peers to give her a seat because she's pregnant?

I've been castigated for "ageism" in commenting on what seems to be a higher level of self-centredness in younger people. But I do think there's a connection between them habitually not giving up seats and the change in social expectations - current 20 and 30 year olds were not brought up with the social expectation that a younger person always gives up a seat for an older person.

Indeed, it was the condition of my school bus pass - from the age of around 8 until I left school - it was a condition of our bus passes that we were required to give up seats to paying passengers if required. I know this has rubbed off on me, as I too would feel uncomfortable & doubting myself in @Motnight 's situation.

Which is ridiculous! as a person nearer 70 than 30, I'm not unreasonable to occupy a seat on public transport! And neither was @Motnight

Mumtobabyhavoc · 05/01/2026 20:20

Brefugee · 05/01/2026 19:55

i'll tell you what culture: the one that a woman who has had a fall, was wobbly and is in her 60s is the evil old bat for not giving up a seat when several other younger people could have.

The ageist society that we live in.

It doesn't have to be either, or fgs. It seems a whole lot could have helped including OP.

Dinosaurhearmeroar · 05/01/2026 20:22

I 💯 think that early pregnancy trumps wobbly on their feet. At 7 weeks I suffered from hyper emesis which meant I was nauseous and vomiting almost 24/7. I didn’t look pregnant and unless I told you, you wouldn’t know I was nauseous (until I was sick all over you).

im beyond fed up of pregnant women not getting the respect they deserve from society. it is one of the hardest things for the body to go through and yet still so many people, women included, don’t realise this.

Bunny44 · 05/01/2026 20:27

Motnight · 05/01/2026 18:47

I think that I said no I am in my early 60s, and could she ask one of the younger more able bodied passengers. Something along those lines. Definitely mentioned my age. Didn't say anything about my feeling a bit wobbly - I didn't want a conversation!

I think YABU in that you seem to think she's not a priority passenger or also didn't feel really vulnerable. If she asked you she probably felt like she desperately needed to sit down.

When I was pregnant and breastfeeding an infant, I was always shocked to find it was women in their 50s and 60s sitting in the priority seats on the train who never considered to offer (often groups so assume not all of them were disabled). Sometimes there were other seats available but I couldn't fit the buggy down. A couple of times I had to breastfeed my baby sitting on the floor when I was really struggling with the birth recovery. 60s isn't old so I wouldn't usually offer my seat to someone of that age (for fear of offence). My parents are in their 60s and fitter than me - they'd be mortified if someone asked them.

I think it's different in that you weren't in the priority seats, but it's possible the priority seats were taken. If I were you I would have just told her you'd had an accident and couldn't stand up and could she ask the passengers in the priority seats first.

Pregnant women can feel very unwell even if they're not physically showing that much. I got extremely nauseous on buses and know others who had various issues. Still got to get to work though. I actually ended up cycling while pregnant and braving the (London) roads to avoid potentially throwing up on a bus.

Bunny44 · 05/01/2026 20:29

Dinosaurhearmeroar · 05/01/2026 20:22

I 💯 think that early pregnancy trumps wobbly on their feet. At 7 weeks I suffered from hyper emesis which meant I was nauseous and vomiting almost 24/7. I didn’t look pregnant and unless I told you, you wouldn’t know I was nauseous (until I was sick all over you).

im beyond fed up of pregnant women not getting the respect they deserve from society. it is one of the hardest things for the body to go through and yet still so many people, women included, don’t realise this.

Well yes exactly if you see my post above. I found younger people and men offered me a seat but middle aged women seem to have forgotten what it's like.

Also if you aren't working and you need to sit down you can do your best to avoid rush hour... Many pregnant women have to commute into work.

outerspacepotato · 05/01/2026 20:31

Bunny44 · 05/01/2026 20:27

I think YABU in that you seem to think she's not a priority passenger or also didn't feel really vulnerable. If she asked you she probably felt like she desperately needed to sit down.

When I was pregnant and breastfeeding an infant, I was always shocked to find it was women in their 50s and 60s sitting in the priority seats on the train who never considered to offer (often groups so assume not all of them were disabled). Sometimes there were other seats available but I couldn't fit the buggy down. A couple of times I had to breastfeed my baby sitting on the floor when I was really struggling with the birth recovery. 60s isn't old so I wouldn't usually offer my seat to someone of that age (for fear of offence). My parents are in their 60s and fitter than me - they'd be mortified if someone asked them.

I think it's different in that you weren't in the priority seats, but it's possible the priority seats were taken. If I were you I would have just told her you'd had an accident and couldn't stand up and could she ask the passengers in the priority seats first.

Pregnant women can feel very unwell even if they're not physically showing that much. I got extremely nauseous on buses and know others who had various issues. Still got to get to work though. I actually ended up cycling while pregnant and braving the (London) roads to avoid potentially throwing up on a bus.

I disagree. A 60 year old with a very recent fall history and still "wobbly" which means she's unsteady or dizzy is at high risk for another fall while standing in a moving bus and at a higher risk of injury like a broken bone or two from another fall than a pregnant woman. She needs the seat more with the info provided.

There were also other people the pregnant woman could have asked.

Livelovebehappy · 05/01/2026 20:33

midsomermurderer · 05/01/2026 16:44

a few days ago and she mentioned her age first. Sounds more like entitlement to me. Priority seats are for those who actually need them, not those who just feel a bit wobbly.

I think it is telling the OP mentions that she wasnt visibly pregnant, as if she thinks then need isnt as great.

Tbh, someone who isn’t showing must be in the early stage of pregnancy and absolutely doesn’t need someone to give up their seat. When I was pregnant, the time when I did need a seat was in the last trimester when I felt big and clumsy, but at early stage it would never occur to me to ask for someone’s seat.

canibearsedregularly · 05/01/2026 20:36

NormasArse · 05/01/2026 20:06

Pregnant women have different needs, just as people in their 60s do.

I’m 60 this year and I would get up for a pregnant woman because I’m able bodied and have good balance (I’m a Paddleboard instructor).

Some pregnant women have low blood pressure (I did), which makes them more likely to be wobbly.

Some 60yr olds might be infirm due to health issues; some pregnant women might be as strong as cart horses.

This ! I am in my 60s and very clumsy but I would always give up my seat to anyone who felt desperate enough to ask .

Livelovebehappy · 05/01/2026 20:36

Bunny44 · 05/01/2026 20:27

I think YABU in that you seem to think she's not a priority passenger or also didn't feel really vulnerable. If she asked you she probably felt like she desperately needed to sit down.

When I was pregnant and breastfeeding an infant, I was always shocked to find it was women in their 50s and 60s sitting in the priority seats on the train who never considered to offer (often groups so assume not all of them were disabled). Sometimes there were other seats available but I couldn't fit the buggy down. A couple of times I had to breastfeed my baby sitting on the floor when I was really struggling with the birth recovery. 60s isn't old so I wouldn't usually offer my seat to someone of that age (for fear of offence). My parents are in their 60s and fitter than me - they'd be mortified if someone asked them.

I think it's different in that you weren't in the priority seats, but it's possible the priority seats were taken. If I were you I would have just told her you'd had an accident and couldn't stand up and could she ask the passengers in the priority seats first.

Pregnant women can feel very unwell even if they're not physically showing that much. I got extremely nauseous on buses and know others who had various issues. Still got to get to work though. I actually ended up cycling while pregnant and braving the (London) roads to avoid potentially throwing up on a bus.

But how does sitting down stop the nausea and vomiting? If you vomit standing up or sitting down, the result would be the same.

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