Asked to give up my seat on bus

[Motnight]

On a packed London bus. A pregnant young woman has asked for my seat (only know that she is pregnant from her badge).I've said no, can she ask one of the younger more able bodied people sitting opposite or behind me? There are at least 4 people that are in their 20s / 30s and look physically fit sitting down.

She looked very shocked but just said ok. I am in my early 60s. I fell on ice a few days ago and am feeling a bit more wobbly than usual. Was I unreasonable?

Don’t feel guilty! She asked you because she was too intimidated to ask the younger people. Good for you that you refused. She should have started with the younger ones.

JFC people are selfish assholes.
Older doesn't equal earned a seat.
If unable to stand then say so, but apologize and maybe offer help, but don't bury your head in obv shame. 🙄
It takes a lot to ask a stranger for a seat so she likely thought OP looked the nicest and most understanding.

I would have looked around at people and said, Could someone offer their seat to this pregnant woman, please?

It would really annoy me if no one did.

Im not from London but I think its a long standing thing over ten or fifteen years

No. These badges have been around for a few years now.

I never said anything about badges though.

Fwiw I had terrible pregnancies where I was hospitalised a number of times throughout.

But I still think that being pregnant doesn't automatically mean you're entitled to a seat, as certain other pp were saying.

Not sure how that's being a dick.

I'm also in my 60s (mid-60s in my case) and usually get offered a seat on public transport - I can't remember when I last had to ask. I'm also visually impaired but it's not immediately obvious, and when I was younger I often had to ask. Most people are polite and considerate and give their seat when asked, but it could sometimes feel awkward or scary to make the approach.

I think if I'd been the OP, and if I'd had the presence of mind, I would have asked on behalf of the pregnant woman, in a jokey kind of way. I'd've assumed she was a bit frightened of asking and had asked me because I looked kind and non-threatening, so I would have wanted to help her out.

I’d have said “I’m sorry I have an injury and also need to sit. “
when I was pregnant I was very fortunate that I was always offered a seat and it’s been the same since I’ve needed my walking stick (despite being in my forties)

Well, being honest, when you aren't hugely pregnant you can stand on a bus as long as you are able to hold on. The larger you become the more uncomfortable it is and in my experience most people offer their seat to you when you are visibly pregnant and on public transport.
I don't think anyone was bring unreasonable though. It is just one of those things.

Well, that was the condition of my school bus pass - and was the case for at least one whole generation (raised in the 60s & 70s).

Actually, I don't think it was a bad thing. Young people can be pretty self-absorbed and self-centred, and it's good to be reminded that other people's needs and comfort are important.

Why is the comfort of an able bodied adult more important than the comfort of a teen or child?

You probably just looked the most approachable and it’s fair enough for you to say you need the seat, not all disabilities are visible either. Did she manage to get a seat? When I was pregnant and somebody who also needed a seat came on I’d ask loudly to the people around could somebody give up a seat for them as I was preggers. Usually somebody did, most people don’t even look up to see if anybody needs a seat. So you can help by asking other people for her if you want to be proactive and kind about it…

You were right to refuse. I expect you looked the least likely to object, so she she picked you.

YABU

Early sixties isn't a reason to need the seat, it's a working age.
Sure, if you have a specific need - and a recent injury definitely counts, keep the seat and express it (I'm afraid I'm not safe to stand today either). It doesn't have to be very specific, but quoting your age as a reason sounds just entitled
And as for telling her who should she ask instead, that's not polite, that's just patronising. Either just that say you can't help, or do something useful (ask around for her benefit). Telling her who she should ask is just weird.

TFL has been giving them out for a long time now. Given that Londoners are the most likely to use public transport, it probably makes sense.

Young people can be pretty self-absorbed and self-centred, and it's good to be reminded that other people's needs and comfort are important.

Your ability to ignore the irony of coming out with comments like the above and yet accusing others of being ageist is pretty remarkable.

Do you think ageism only happens to older people? Because you are being very ageist.

Yep. I'm of an age where I get offered a seat on the tube or bus. And interestingly, it's almost always youngish men that offer. Women, hardly ever.

Of course you weren't unreasonable to refuse. I don't care if you're 60 or 20, if you need the seat, you need the seat. Not all disabilities are visible.

I was also quite capable of standing when I was pregnant, even with severe morning sickness. Maybe the last few weeks it would be better to sit, but most of the pregnancy should be fine (with exceptions who couldn't, of course).

I'd just have said, "I'm sorry, I need to sit, could you please ask someone else?"

Also, if I'm on any form of public transport, or in a public space, and there are people sitting who are young and fit, and I'm with my parents, who have mobility issues, I have zero issue saying to everyone generally, "could someone please offer their seat as they have mobility issues".

I wouldn't worry about it, she asked the older woman who she thought was most likely to give up her seat without a fuss. If you'd been younger or male, she would have asked someone else.

Don't waste your time.

Its been decided you were in a priority seat.

The fact you never said you were in one and have repeatedly said you were not in one is irrelevant.

You could write it in capitals, post a gif, pay mumsnet for a banner advert or hire a barbershop quartet to knock on every door in the country and sing "its not a priority seeeeeeat" and people would still wang on about how you should have given up your priority seat.

Baby on board badges have been around for a while, i don t like them, never wore one

Once when pregnant, a long time ago, I screwed up my courage to ask for a seat on the bus. (I was very shy but knew that I needed to ask because it was winter and my big coat hid my bump).
When I finally spoke I accidentally looked at someone, who then thought I'd asked them specifically (which I didn't mean to do at all). I remember it being very embarrassing for both of us, although I don't remember what happened next.

tediously ageist.

There were any number of younger people around. OP is perfectly entitled to take a priority seat (there are more than one, other people could have offered a seat having heard the interaction) if she can't easily stand.

But people are fuckers. I was massively pregnant on a tram and nobody would give me their seat. I asked several times because the swaying was making me feel sick, i was nearly at my due date and VERY obviously pregnant. And Eventually i was sick. On one of the people who wouldn't give me a seat. Didn't bother me in the slightest.

I would say YABU for this line:

"There are at least 4 people that are in their 20s / 30s and look physically fit sitting down"

You don't know if any of those people have health issues either. You can't tell based on looks just like the woman couldn't tell you fell on ice and were wobbly. That makes you very unreasonable.

Depends how you said it. If you said it rudely with an attitude, YABU. If you politely declined, YANBU.