Asked to give up my seat on bus

[Motnight]

On a packed London bus. A pregnant young woman has asked for my seat (only know that she is pregnant from her badge).I've said no, can she ask one of the younger more able bodied people sitting opposite or behind me? There are at least 4 people that are in their 20s / 30s and look physically fit sitting down.

She looked very shocked but just said ok. I am in my early 60s. I fell on ice a few days ago and am feeling a bit more wobbly than usual. Was I unreasonable?

This

Not being visibly pregnant has nothing to do with whether you’re in pain or not! I support the OP here but honestly some of these comments are astounding!

I don't know what happened, I did the classic burying my head in my phone straight afterwards!

My gripe is children who have a seat but don't use it. There was one on the train recently - train full, people standing in the vestibules. Boy of maybe 5 years old - had a seat but was anywhere but sitting in it, crawling under the table, standing on his sister's seat, messing about in the aisle. There were people standing on that train who could have used the seat. He could have fitted on the same seat as his sister for the nanosecond he actually sat still.

You can look it up if you don’t believe me.

You can have a Disabled Person's Freedom pass and still have utter pillocks haranguing you about not really needing the seat. Personally, I wondered why the full length leg brace and crutches wasn't more of a clue, but then realised that they couldn't actually see me, they just saw a woman taking up space who naturally deserved verbal abuse for doing so.

Well, probably these women don't wear the badge.

For pregnant women suffering with low blood pressure, UTIs, sickness, aching backs, hips, knees and feet, the badges help.

Don't be a dick.

I would have said to her in a nice way that you also need the seat because you are over 60 and feeling unwell before suggesting she asked someone else younger and more fit. She probably did not think about this, but good to explain to her she should be asking people that are young and not the elderly.

Hope she managed to get offered a seat. A little bit of kindness goes a long way.

Yes, it’s very common. It’s a useful way to flag to people who need a seat.

This. There is no need for explanations, a polite decline is enough.

What's changed is that I'm of the generation

I wonder if the reason the woman asked you is that she's aware her own generation have been raised to be very selfish

Did your generation teach you to be so judgemental about younger people?

I'm middle aged and I've had acts of kindness from teens, young people, elderly, everyone. You get back what you give to the world.

This.

But clearly, according to @midsomermurderer an older woman is fair game.

MN never disappoints in its ageism.

That’s a weird thing to say. My early weeks were incredibly difficult on public transport. I felt very dizzy, exacerbated if I had to strap-hang by having an arm raised

Nobody can judge anyone else’s situation fully. what you see of someone doesn’t show what’s going on inside.

If you see someone who looks like they are struggling more than you would then offer your seat. If someone asks and you can then offer your seat. If you can’t then say “sorry I can’t” then help do a wider ask of people nearby if someone can help.

being on public transport at a busy time is horrible. If everyone was a bit kinder it would make it more tolerable

Have you not been on the tube? Maybe you're out of London.

This would have been a good way round it, sort of making it a joint problem rather than hers alone.

She was fine to ask. You were fine to say no. I am 44 and have a disability that makes balance hard. You wouldn't know if I was standing or sitting on still ground, but once the bus is moving, I am really unsafe if I am standing. You would not know I am not perfectly able to stand until the bus is moving.

I would expect to be occasionally asked to stand as sitting on a still bus, no-one would know I couldn't stand. Equally, I might ask someone to stand who looks able to just like I do, but can't, just like I can't. It's fine, you just ask someone else.

Hopefully you'll also point out all the ageism to young people on this thread...

Do make your mind up. Either she's far along enough that she might harm her baby by falling (but OP says she wasn't showing) or she's in the early stages before it's visible and I'm fairly sure it would take an absolutely catastrophic incident to injure a tiny foetus that's still held within the very protective space of the pelvis.

I actually don't think you care though. You seem determined to be unpleasant to the OP and anyone else advocating for her.

As someone else pointed out 60s is middle aged. She's hardly elderly!!! It has nothing to do with ageism, it has to do with sticking up for a pregnant lady on a parenting site!!!

I obviously get off on advocating for pregnant women on a parenting site, where we have had such gems trotted out as "pregnancy is a choice" and "pregnancy isn't an illness"

Never heard of a pregnant woman wearing a badge, is this a new thing?