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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My son cheated on his girlfriend - Update

116 replies

ErsBears · 05/01/2026 15:39

Hi all, you may recall I posted a couple of days ago about discovering that my DS cheated on his girlfriend in my home. I won’t rehash the details but as it seemed to gain a fair bit of attention I thought I should update everyone who kindly (or not so kindly) commented.

He did tell her yesterday when she got back from seeing her family, they haven’t broken up but she has gone on the holiday alone. She told him she needed space to figure out what this means and what she wants to do about it, but as she already had cleared her schedule for the week and paid for the holiday still wanted to go, luckily snowboarding is an activity that can still be enjoyed alone.

DS has asked to stay here as he already has annual leave booked and knows her friends who are his flat mates know already and doesn’t want to face them until he knows what’s happening. I’ve told him he can stay just this week but if they break up and he doesn’t want to live with her friends then he needs to find somewhere else. He also did actually have an engagement ring, he showed me it today.
I’ve tried to ask why he did it exactly but haven’t been able to get any answers, and ultimately that’s not my business.

I’m glad he told her and didn’t continue to be deceitful and while it pains me to see him in pain, I can’t muster up much sympathy since it was entirely his own doing and I am so disappointed in the decisions he made.

I still remain shocked at those who felt he may have a good reason or thought I was being some sort of awful mother for not enabling his awful choices but rather holding him accountable.

I again just want to thank everyone who was kind and supportive.

OP posts:
BestZebbie · 05/01/2026 15:46

That sounds like the best possible outcome in the circumstances. Silly boy.

Soonenough · 05/01/2026 15:48

I love your attitude. Many mothers would stick up for their sons in a case of blood is thicker than water . But you have chosen to stand by what is right and in this scene your son was very much in the wrong .
I too would be very disappointed in my son if he did this . But personally I would be absolutely furious that he chose to do in my home . Glad he told her let him deal with the consequences.

Lmnop22 · 05/01/2026 15:49

Life is a learning curve at the end of the day and although he’s hurt now, he likely won’t make this mistake again as he’s been forced to face the music and it’s made him a better person in the long run and given the power back to his GF. Even good people are capable of making stupid and selfish decisions!

Good for you at sticking to your morals and teaching him proper and appropriate behaviour for adults’

Doteycat · 05/01/2026 15:50

Well ya live and learn. And hopefully he has learnt a lesson. Id be disgusted too tbh.
Im glad she fecked off on hols without him. Fair play to her.

Summergarden · 05/01/2026 15:51

Thanks for the update OP.

I completely support your actions, you did completely the right thing. It’s all very sad but ultimately, this was a deliberate, planned action by your DS which has caused all the hurt and changed the course of his life. He needs to experience the consequences of those actions.

Sending hugs to you though because it must have been a huge shock and feel sad and hard for you as well.

Shitmonger · 05/01/2026 15:56

Thank you for updating. You did the right thing and hopefully he will figure himself out. There were a lot of people trolling on your thread and saying silly nonsense that they don’t actually believe, making excuses for cheating men or claiming that you should always be complicit in cheating by not saying anything. For some reason cheating threads often get that. You just have ignore it really. The only way forward for him is to face then consequences of his actions and hopefully grow from it. Best of luck to you both. Flowers

shhblackbag · 05/01/2026 15:56

Good for her. He's an idiot. What's the point of even buying a ring, if he's in a mindset that cheating is an option? And now he might not have a place to stay. He really didn't think with the right head.

MammaTo · 05/01/2026 15:57

Think you’ve 100% done the right thing here. The original thread was an eye opener, but you sound like a great mum and MIL to any future partners.

Driftingawaynow · 05/01/2026 15:57

Well done OP, I just want to say I feel you don’t have to punish him twice, he has faced up to this with your strong encouragement which is good, and will now bear the consequence. I wouldn’t be bringing more thunder on him now, he needs to be able to work through why he did such a stupid, mean thing and for that your connection and good relationship may be very important. Shame is so hard, of course he should feel it but I wouldn’t be adding to it now if I was you as if it gets too much it can make people really withdraw from not only other people but also themselves, and then you have a much bigger problem.

ittakes2 · 05/01/2026 15:57

While he behaved appallingly, at least he’s taken responsibility for his actions. I suspect he’ll discover he subconsciously feels he’s not ready for marriage / too young and was self-sabotaging.

5128gap · 05/01/2026 16:00

That's a good result OP. It will be a tough time for them both I'm sure, but probably short term pain for longer term gain, as I don't think your son is in any way ready to take on the responsibility to another person a committed relationship requires. If he's on dating sites at the first opportunity, then he either isn't ready to commit, or doesn't value his GF enough to think he needs to curtail his behaviour.
I'm glad you didn't have to be the one to tell her and really respect that you were prepared to. Horrible position for you.

Sequinsoneverythingplease · 05/01/2026 16:02

I don’t actually think you should be posting such personal information about your son and his girlfriend for 1000s of women to gawk at and discuss tbh. It’s their personal business. The first one was bad enough but to begin a second to “update” as though it’s some kind of soap opera…

Not sure I could forgive my Mum if I found out she’d put my very worst behaviour out there into the public domain.

Luckyingame · 05/01/2026 16:03

Hi @ErsBears .

I personally think the break up will follow.
If your son was dead set on this relationship to make it work, for whatever reason, I think he would be begging you not to get involved and wouldn't feel he needed to "look over his shoulder" whether he told his girlfriend, whenever in your presence.
Which I still find bizarre, given his age.
Obviously, that situation with your home etc.
That grinds the most, doesn't it?
That WAS really silly and immature.

Megifer · 05/01/2026 16:08

Sequinsoneverythingplease · 05/01/2026 16:02

I don’t actually think you should be posting such personal information about your son and his girlfriend for 1000s of women to gawk at and discuss tbh. It’s their personal business. The first one was bad enough but to begin a second to “update” as though it’s some kind of soap opera…

Not sure I could forgive my Mum if I found out she’d put my very worst behaviour out there into the public domain.

Edited

Its really weird all round tbh.

Especially with the not letting him stay more than a week (unless op wouldnt let him stay for more than a week in any circumstance).

I think you need to just let it go now op. He cheated on someone, really shit of him but not worth all this angst, over investment into his life, and disowning him almost imo.

taxguru · 05/01/2026 16:09

Sequinsoneverythingplease · 05/01/2026 16:02

I don’t actually think you should be posting such personal information about your son and his girlfriend for 1000s of women to gawk at and discuss tbh. It’s their personal business. The first one was bad enough but to begin a second to “update” as though it’s some kind of soap opera…

Not sure I could forgive my Mum if I found out she’d put my very worst behaviour out there into the public domain.

Edited

It's not in the "Public domain". MN is anonymous!

thepariscrimefiles · 05/01/2026 16:11

Sequinsoneverythingplease · 05/01/2026 16:02

I don’t actually think you should be posting such personal information about your son and his girlfriend for 1000s of women to gawk at and discuss tbh. It’s their personal business. The first one was bad enough but to begin a second to “update” as though it’s some kind of soap opera…

Not sure I could forgive my Mum if I found out she’d put my very worst behaviour out there into the public domain.

Edited

If you find this so distasteful, maybe Mumsnet isn't for you. The more posts there are, the more likely it is that a thread will start trending, so your sanctimonious post will contribute to this.

Sequinsoneverythingplease · 05/01/2026 16:13

thepariscrimefiles · 05/01/2026 16:11

If you find this so distasteful, maybe Mumsnet isn't for you. The more posts there are, the more likely it is that a thread will start trending, so your sanctimonious post will contribute to this.

Oh I think I will stick around thanks :) Let me ask you, would you like your mum/family member/husband to go on social media and discuss your most shameful, embarrassing relationship related behaviour with thousands of people. How about one of your in laws? 🤔

Sequinsoneverythingplease · 05/01/2026 16:14

taxguru · 05/01/2026 16:09

It's not in the "Public domain". MN is anonymous!

So he or his girlfriend or their friends and families wouldn’t recognise this situation you think?

shhblackbag · 05/01/2026 16:14

taxguru · 05/01/2026 16:09

It's not in the "Public domain". MN is anonymous!

It's still public. They publish the threads elsewhere, and the tabloids lift threads from here, too.

Sequinsoneverythingplease · 05/01/2026 16:15

shhblackbag · 05/01/2026 16:14

It's still public. They publish the threads elsewhere, and the tabloids lift threads from here, too.

Yes, imagine if the daily mail decided to run it? 😱

Thecup · 05/01/2026 16:16

ErsBears · 05/01/2026 15:39

Hi all, you may recall I posted a couple of days ago about discovering that my DS cheated on his girlfriend in my home. I won’t rehash the details but as it seemed to gain a fair bit of attention I thought I should update everyone who kindly (or not so kindly) commented.

He did tell her yesterday when she got back from seeing her family, they haven’t broken up but she has gone on the holiday alone. She told him she needed space to figure out what this means and what she wants to do about it, but as she already had cleared her schedule for the week and paid for the holiday still wanted to go, luckily snowboarding is an activity that can still be enjoyed alone.

DS has asked to stay here as he already has annual leave booked and knows her friends who are his flat mates know already and doesn’t want to face them until he knows what’s happening. I’ve told him he can stay just this week but if they break up and he doesn’t want to live with her friends then he needs to find somewhere else. He also did actually have an engagement ring, he showed me it today.
I’ve tried to ask why he did it exactly but haven’t been able to get any answers, and ultimately that’s not my business.

I’m glad he told her and didn’t continue to be deceitful and while it pains me to see him in pain, I can’t muster up much sympathy since it was entirely his own doing and I am so disappointed in the decisions he made.

I still remain shocked at those who felt he may have a good reason or thought I was being some sort of awful mother for not enabling his awful choices but rather holding him accountable.

I again just want to thank everyone who was kind and supportive.

I did see the first thread but did not see what you decided to do in the end. I am glad he told her - she did deserve to know.

Jollyhockeystickss · 05/01/2026 16:17

Imagine if they stayed together and had a child and years later she found out you knew and hadnt told her that would be your relationship ruined with her, silly silly boy what planet are they on these boys

outerspacepotato · 05/01/2026 16:17

I think you've handled this so well. ⭐

I'm really glad he told her he cheated instead of hiding it. That way, she knows what he is.

As for your question why he did it. He thought he could get away with it. If you hadn't come home unexpectedly, he would have and gone on vacation with his gf like nothing happened and violated her right to consent and possibly exposed her to STIs that could affect her health and reproduction.

He has possibly cheated before. Sorry, but he's opportunistic rather than moral when it comes to sex and love. It's hard when your kids disappoint you.

HorrorAndHaagenDazs · 05/01/2026 16:19

Sequinsoneverythingplease · 05/01/2026 16:13

Oh I think I will stick around thanks :) Let me ask you, would you like your mum/family member/husband to go on social media and discuss your most shameful, embarrassing relationship related behaviour with thousands of people. How about one of your in laws? 🤔

Oh save the faux outrage, your question covers most of the posts on mumsnet.

HorrorAndHaagenDazs · 05/01/2026 16:19

PS, you did the right thing OP

Swipe left for the next trending thread