Am i being ungrateful for my bday ?

[CleverOpalPanda]

My birthday is coming up soon and I’m feeling a bit deflated about it, but I don’t know if I’m being unfair.
My boyfriend has said money is tight this month, which I understand. When he asked what I wanted for my birthday I said it was up to him, as I’m not expecting anything expensive. However, when I later asked if we were going out to celebrate, he seemed surprised and said money wasn’t good so we’d stay in and order a takeaway.
I felt disappointed as I’d really hoped to dress up and go out for dinner. I even offered to pay myself, but he refused, saying it wouldn’t make sense for me to pay on my own birthday.
What’s bothering me is that he knew my birthday was coming up, but he’s said he spent a lot recently on himself over the holidays — buying designer stuff like a 200 pound hat and going out most nights with his brother. It makes me feel like my birthday wasn’t planned or prioritised at all.
This stings a bit because I went all out and saved for his birthday and made a real effort to make it special. A month ago he was even suggesting places we could go for my birthday, so I’m confused by the sudden change.
I don’t need gifts or expensive plans — I can buy myself things — it’s more about the effort and feeling celebrated. Am I being unreasonable to feel hurt by this, or is this just one of those situations where expectations need adjusting?
I Dont want him to feel pressure around it but this is my first birthday with him and I fear is going to set the tone on how I am gone be prioritised and celebrated in the future.

For someone who earns 4K a month, lives at home still and doesn’t have a car to pay for with fuel, tax, MOT, finance etc there is absolutely no excuse for him to no have a spare £50 to take you out for a cheap and easy birthday meal.

As for the savings he apparently has, if this relationship is going to go anywhere you should absolutely feel comfortable discussing finance, savings and the future.

Get comfortable having grown up serious conversation if you want to en up with someone stable and secure. If you ignore things and tip toe around serious issue you’ll end up too far in with someone who isn’t what you actually think they are.

You sound like you are 14.

Your first birthday with him and if you have any sense your last

The more you tell us, the more obvious it is that you should not be together. The birthday meal really is the least of your worries.

When you split up he blew the money he'd saved up for your birthday. He didn't know you were going to get back together. He wasn't unreasonable.

This relationship sounds doomed. And rather childish. I think you’re pretty cheeky asking what he’s going to get you when you’ve only been back together for 4 days!

He spent all his money during a period he didn't think he'd need to save for your birthday. You can't blame him for that.

This sounds like an unhealthy and unequal pattern of spending/sharing costs for both of you - individually and together. Personally, I would not be comfortable having a man pay for me to this extent (meals, hotels etc etc), it is infantalizing and regressive.

I'm guessing from your posts that you see his spending money on you as a proxy for how much he cares/invests in you. I would see it as a huge red flag, as this will come with other gender based expectations...

The birthday itself seems less of an issue - you've only been together nine months, just got back together, you didn't tell him exactly what you wanted and now he doesn't have the ability to pay and is refusing to let you pay for a night out.