Am i being ungrateful for my bday ?

[CleverOpalPanda]

My birthday is coming up soon and I’m feeling a bit deflated about it, but I don’t know if I’m being unfair.
My boyfriend has said money is tight this month, which I understand. When he asked what I wanted for my birthday I said it was up to him, as I’m not expecting anything expensive. However, when I later asked if we were going out to celebrate, he seemed surprised and said money wasn’t good so we’d stay in and order a takeaway.
I felt disappointed as I’d really hoped to dress up and go out for dinner. I even offered to pay myself, but he refused, saying it wouldn’t make sense for me to pay on my own birthday.
What’s bothering me is that he knew my birthday was coming up, but he’s said he spent a lot recently on himself over the holidays — buying designer stuff like a 200 pound hat and going out most nights with his brother. It makes me feel like my birthday wasn’t planned or prioritised at all.
This stings a bit because I went all out and saved for his birthday and made a real effort to make it special. A month ago he was even suggesting places we could go for my birthday, so I’m confused by the sudden change.
I don’t need gifts or expensive plans — I can buy myself things — it’s more about the effort and feeling celebrated. Am I being unreasonable to feel hurt by this, or is this just one of those situations where expectations need adjusting?
I Dont want him to feel pressure around it but this is my first birthday with him and I fear is going to set the tone on how I am gone be prioritised and celebrated in the future.

But you’re so focused on money and the cost of everything. I cant see how this relationship can work. You even want him to priotise you when he’s not in a relationship with you, it’s insane and so grabby

I'm struggling to understand.

You say he's bad with money but helps his parents out, and with a huge amount of 50k. He also saves and has his spends in a different account. So, you're saying he's bad with money because you split up, which you initiated, he spent some of his money on himself whilst being single - at this point it doesn't matter how long you were split up for - and now you're back together, you appear to think he should have been psychic and known you were getting back together.

You also say he doesn't drive. But he does. He has a company vehicle and it was costing too much to keep a personal vehicle on the road that he doesn't use. That is being financially responsible.

In addition, you told him that he should decide what to do on your birthday. He has decided what he can afford and you're not happy.

You also say you want flowers because he bought them for his ex?? Why are you bothered about what he bought his ex? That is history and in the past.

I think you're being very hard work and unreasonable.

I'd dump him quite honestly.
My ex husband would spend all his money on himself and then have nothing left for my birthday or christmas every single year for 20 years.
Do you want this in a relationship, no forward thinking and complete selfishness?
I'm not sure I'd post in AIBU though, you will be told you are a selfish grabby cow and shouldn't expect anything from a man on any occasion.

What on earth are you on about. They weren’t even a couple four days ago.

First birthday with him?

This is every birthday with him OP. It's up to you to accept it or not.

While you mull, return the energy. No more treating him.

For only 10 days we didnt speak not months ,this sets the tone on how i want to be treated and prioritised ,a man wont magically do more for you if you start accepting less ,he will do less and less.
If an easter european man wants you seriously he will invest in you.

I've changed me mind. You're coming across as proper money focused OP. Knowing how much he's spending on everything is weird.

Good grief, you want him to prioritise you financially even when single. Can you not see how unreasonable you are.

I spend money on myself all the time and i also spend on him sometimes and I offer to pay all the time too ,I would never spend my money on sb I didnt care about .

Sorry I know this will be unpopular, but anyone sulking because they didn't get the birthday they want needs to grow up.

Don't get me wrong - it is obviously important that you feel loved and cared for but getting that one a day year isn't really the point. That needs to be a 365-days -a-year thing.

If you're not gettin gthat then you have bigger problems and you should address those.

But complaining about your birthday feel babyish sorry.

I do cause it sets the tone for every birthday and if he cant even make you feel special on that day imagine the rest of the days ?I dont knw when the bar went so low as to women to not have any excpectations on how to be treated anymore and everything is too much.
But giving birth to their kids ,cleaning and cooking for them while also working is not too much ?men will give you how much you accept no more and I was that kind of woman before simple not asking too much and I was neglected because i was low maintenance

He bought you gifts!

OP you said in your last thread you argue , he gives you the silent treatment then you cry and beg him to get back together. What diffence does what he buys you make. You are not right for each other. Good partners do not argue about SM , work clients, how much someone spends on a birthday present or a bloody hat. Forget him and work on your self.

Do you have any other family or friends you would like to go out for dinner with? If so, organise that and do it. If you can afford it and want it to happen then he shouldn't be dictating what you get to do for your birthday. Obviously it is up to him what he spends and what effort HE makes, and you can do with that information what you will...... But don't let him ruin it, you've been dating less than a year!

The birthday isn't the issue OP - it's all the other stuff you mention here! A nice diner once a year won't make up for imbalances for the rest of the year

So he's buying you gifts for your birthday but you want a dinner out too?

I wouldnt argue over a gift or his hat with him ,these are only in my thoughts verbalised here in this forum,in this case i would just observe him.
In terms of the other issues, I have started therapy for my jealousy as sometimes my mind elaborates things that dont even exist and are not even his fault which was very draining for him.

They were split up until 4 days ago, why should he still be saving for his exes birthday? From OPs drip feed, it seems he spends a fortune on her for random presents.

Just read the post about your previous thread(s). I'm out

So the spending spree happened while you weren’t together. It could have been the money he’d saved for your birthday, so when you broke up he decided to spend it on himself? You say previous to the breakup he was very generous and paid for everything , so I don’t think you can be too hard on him. Just see how he behaves going forward.

So he bought you a bag, a necklace, pays for almost everything while you're together and you're moaning that he doesn't want to go out even though you want to pay for dinner?

Off the back of a pp mentioning your last threads, I've just had a look.

Finish it with him. Neither of you are compatible with the other.

You're both hard work and both flogging a dead horse.

You're both overly jealous and insecure and acting like absolute children.

You should both be single, work on yourselves, have therapy - whatever. It's clearly doing neither of you any good.

But this relationship is an absolute shitshow. I really cannot understand why either of you would want to be in this relationship.

You both sound like red flags tbh. Very young ones.

He clearly isn’t listening to you and your break up of 10 days clearly didn’t set a tone so as he’s still not giving a shit about you, be a grown up and dump him and move on.

in fairness to him what did want him to do with his money once you had broken up, put it to one side in case you got back together?