Am i being ungrateful for my bday ?

[CleverOpalPanda]

My birthday is coming up soon and I’m feeling a bit deflated about it, but I don’t know if I’m being unfair.
My boyfriend has said money is tight this month, which I understand. When he asked what I wanted for my birthday I said it was up to him, as I’m not expecting anything expensive. However, when I later asked if we were going out to celebrate, he seemed surprised and said money wasn’t good so we’d stay in and order a takeaway.
I felt disappointed as I’d really hoped to dress up and go out for dinner. I even offered to pay myself, but he refused, saying it wouldn’t make sense for me to pay on my own birthday.
What’s bothering me is that he knew my birthday was coming up, but he’s said he spent a lot recently on himself over the holidays — buying designer stuff like a 200 pound hat and going out most nights with his brother. It makes me feel like my birthday wasn’t planned or prioritised at all.
This stings a bit because I went all out and saved for his birthday and made a real effort to make it special. A month ago he was even suggesting places we could go for my birthday, so I’m confused by the sudden change.
I don’t need gifts or expensive plans — I can buy myself things — it’s more about the effort and feeling celebrated. Am I being unreasonable to feel hurt by this, or is this just one of those situations where expectations need adjusting?
I Dont want him to feel pressure around it but this is my first birthday with him and I fear is going to set the tone on how I am gone be prioritised and celebrated in the future.

Because we are not engaged yet .
In our culture we dont introduce gf bf to family unless we are getting engaged.

Agree, is a bit of a drip feed! If he had made any theoretical plans he'd have cancelled them when you broke up.

I dont mean he needs to spend for me same as i did for him I am trying to say it really might be tough for him this month and I would rather feel i am being unreasonable rather than him unthoughtful.

If you've broken up once then this is now a dead dog walking. The money management here is a disaster zone too.

I am all for women having higher standards and holding men to account on the romance front, and have been known to be called “high maintenance” however even I think that you are being unreasonable given the context.

It sounds like he is generally very generous and romantic with going out for dinner etc and there is a specific reason he hasn’t “saved up” for your birthday - you broke up.

If I were you I would go out for a girls dinner with your friends if you really want to go out, and have a cosy night in with him to celebrate. Don’t make a big deal of it, get dressed up and go out with friends and be positive about your night in with him too.

Kindly, you sound extremely young.

I offered to pay for my dinner so we can go out together but he is refusing to do so ,denying me the chance to celebarate it with him the way I want to.

No offence but you seem a bit fixated on money and expensive gifts.
This isn't a good way for a relationship that has already had one break up to continue.
Do you actually like him? Or just the expensive gifts he bought you?

@CleverOpalPanda Given what you both spend your money on you both sound immature. Does he drive or take taxis everywhere as paying £100 taxi fare to visit you is crazy.

If someone I was in a relationship with spent £200 on a fucking hat and they weren’t someone who had the funds to drop 200 on a hat I’d see no future at all with them.

No just to see me generally but many times i drive to him to avoid that as he doesnt have a car.

I spent 600 on him(which i could afford) for his bday so no I like him ,not the expensive gifts,i buy myself whatever i want with my own money.
He can buy a 200 pound hat but not take me out propeerly for my bday cause he had expenses ?he doesnt shop a lot and frequently but when he does its usually smth expensive.
Not sure if he spend out of his upset towards breaking it off with me and thats hiw he coped.

If you've only just got back together it makes sense to keep plans low key, I think.

But spending £600 doesn't mean you like someone. To me you are equating amount of money spent with showing love.

So not prioritise my bday like i did with his ?If he doesnt want me the same then he souldnt have gotten back with me.It was a break of 10 days only

No In this case I did care thats why i showed effort ,cooked him a really nice steak dinner (I was gone take him out to a nice shisha as he likes these but we had to cancel )
and got him the gift he had asked for plus smth on my own will so how does this not show care according to you ?

This is definitely what I would do. Call family or friends. It’s good to get dressed up on your birthday. Completely agree

I think you’re being unfair. You only got back together 4 days ago and he spent his money when you were split, not anticipating getting you anything. He’s still getting you gifts, but you’re whinging he can’t also afford to go out for dinner and shouldn’t hav3 spent his money as he pleased when single, but not done so to prioritise you in the off chance you got back together and gifts were not enough, he’d also have to go to dinner with you so you could get dressed up and he could “celebrate you”?

too needy op.

This has nothing to do with your birthday. If money is tight, he shouldn’t be over spending.

How old are you?

Why is he still living with family, why doesn’t he have a car?

He sounds bad with money. It’s not the lack of it, it’s what he chooses to do with it.

Id rather have a boyfriend who didn’t buy me expensive gifts yet was able to save for our future and think ahead to the type of life we would be able to lead if we were both financially savvy.

If you are already breaking up and getting back together 9 months into a relationship that is a terrible sign.

It doesn’t matter how much you spent or what you did for his birthday. You broke up before your birthday and he therefore didn’t set aside money or make plans for your birthday. It is completely unrelated to how much he “prioritises and celebrates you”.

It sounds like you’ve been watching too many of those weird “goddess complex, feminine energy” TikTok videos and now your values are massively skewed.

I told him i can pay for my dinner out since money is tight but i think he is being too proud to accept that as he wont even let me pay for macdonalds usually

Bit drip feed op that you broke up

That’s what I thought, what a drip feed.

in reality they have been together 4 days, expecting him to not spend his money when single, to save it just in case they got back together, and that gifts were not enough, he also has to go to dinner, and should have prioritised her even though they were not together is really too much, I’d advise him to run.

Op, he’d have to pay for himself.

Are you sure he isnt with someone else? Most people avoid christmas and new year break-ups, so the fact he is giving himself 10 days clear suggests that he has other obligations its hard to hide as "working" so he's given himself a break from you?