Would you tell your ex that you are pregnant?

[emilytr]

2 weeks ago I ended things. Dated for 2 years married for 4 Today I found out I’m pregnant . We talk but only about our son. I do not want to get back with him and I also don’t want to say anything to him. The only reason why it’s being considered is because I have really bad nausea. I work 2 jobs moved away from family years ago. I have friends that I’m positive would help if I needed it. Am I going about this the wrong way?

the reason why I left was because of the constant arguing, him putting everything before us and I got tired.

If you're keeping the pregnancy, then yes. He is the father and does have a right to know that he has a child.
If you're not keeping the pregnancy, I suppose you can keep it private and not tell him, but obviously never ever throw it back in his face. If you don't tell him, you never get to mention it to him.

If you want to have a pro-life debate, go and start your own thread.

@emilytr Another vote for not telling him if you don't intend to continue the pregnancy. You are going to have to coparent with your ex for many years. I won't risk getting off to a bad start on that point if I didn't have to.

Absolutely this to throw him off the scent.
Its your body, your choice.
You know what you can deal with, if you don't think you can have another child do what's right for you.
❤️

I agree he only needs to know if you continue the pregnancy. Realistically what good is it going to do if you tell him and terminate? It’s just another stick to beat you with.

If you’re not continuing then definitely don’t tell him. Don’t give him that power. There’s a reason you aren’t together anymore.

Get yourself to the drs asap and get sorted, the earlier it is the easier it is.

Ignore @Mapleleaf114 it’s easy to say you can manage (or should manage?!) when it’s not your reality.

Anyone upset by this very sensible decision is an idiot and not deserving of your apology. Have the TOP and don't tell him.

You don’t have to go through with the pregnancy and in your position (assuming it’s very early days) I would make your own decisions and not mention it to him.

Quite honestly I wouldn't tell him if you aren't keeping this baby. He could well tell your other child that you are "killing" his sibling. My ex would have done that. He doesnt need to know and will just hold it against you.
I don't believe in telling exes anything about your life. Good luck with it

How dare you. Lots of mothers make that choice as is their right.

My best friend was bed ridden with nausea before severe HG kicked in and she spent most of the 9 months in hospital, iv meds, a drip and steroids didn’t touch the vomiting, she spent the whole pregnancy vomiting blood her stomach was so empty and no matter how long she was on a drip they couldn’t flush her ketones out. She’d have needed to terminate her much wanted pregnancy to be home for her other DC as her DH needed to work and she had very little help besides myself and our other friend who basically did child care and her cleaning/cooking for the 9 months. So @Mapleleaf114 not every pregnancy is as easy as getting anti sickness meds. For some pregnant women they do fuck all.

@emilytr I’m sorry you're in this position, I had a termination many years ago and even though it was very difficult not being tied to the father of my pregnancy was worth not continuing the pregnancy tbh.

If you wouldn’t try for a baby in your current circumstances, don’t feel obliged to continue with a pregnancy. The mystery abdominal pains sounds like a good ruse. There’s no need for him to know.

OP I read @Mapleleaf114 posts and eyerolled and though tell me you haven't rasied to small children solo without significant financial assets behind you without telling me you haven't rasied to small children solo without significant financial assets.
Absolute empathy failure on their part.

In your position i would have no qualms making this choice.

I would seek medication for an abortion immediately and say absolutely zero to him about any of it.

In a bad separation with an unpleasant man both an abortion and a new born can be weaponised against you.
One can be weaponsied a lot longer.

I wouldn’t tell him and if you need an excuse for the sickness go with gallbladder as this can make you ill for a long time not just a stomach virus that lasts a couple of days.

If you’re bed bound with sickness and are considering termination, I would try and get one as soon as possible.
I wouldn’t tell your ex unless you change your mind and keep the pregnancy. The last thing that you would want is details of this repeated to your son, so I would only share with a close friend who you trust.

This is a really disappointing comment.

Not your body or your circumstances- so not your choice to make nor your right to judge.

OP another vote for don’t tell him if you plan to terminate, which is your choice and your right should you wish to.

Agree with PP tell a half truth and say sickness bug/gall bladder whatever

Wishing you all the best. ❤️

I think if you put in your OP that you were probably going to get a termination you would get a different vote result.

I wouldn't tell him if you are getting a termination. Get it done ASAP

I would not tell him. What a tough situation.

If you want an excuse for the nausea - I had labrynthitis last year, I was so dizzy I’d literally vomit even just rolling over in bed or walking too quickly. No other symptoms! Eventually it went away but I was unwell for about three weeks.

I’m not sure what good can come of telling him you’re having a termination, but plenty of bad. He may well jump on it as an excuse to ‘punish you’ throughout the divorce process. Just say you’ve got food poisoning and try to get an appointment asap. There are medications you can take for HG so maybe a doctor would prescribe you those in the meantime? Sorry you’re in this situation.

@emilytr I am broadly pro-life. However, in yoir circumstances, wrll done for leaving a man who sounds emotionally abusove, and if you have two jobs, not much of a provider.

Abortion os legal and you have very valod reasons to proceed: broken relationship, lack of financial securoty, yoir own physical and emotional health and being able toncare for your existing child. I'd support you to go ahead, and no I wouldn't tell him - it may escalate your present challenges.

Good luck.

.

It's a shit situation your in but yes you should probably tell him but explain you dont want him back but he really should be in the baby's life good luck

No: you are in a tough enough situation as it is without burdening yourself further by telling him which could lead to all sorts of shit from him that you don't need. If he wanted control over his fertility he could have wrapped up. I'd get the termination sorted ASAP though.

As you aren't planning to continue the pregnancy - which sounds like the right decision, I think PP's idea to just tell him you are having investigations for some abdominal trouble for when you need him to have your son is sensible. There is just no point adding to the drama.

I don't think your "pro life" stance is very helpful.

The pregnancy is very much unplanned. Better no baby than an unwanted one.

The OP isn't planning to continue the pregnancy