To be really offended by what gp said?

[Moivoi]

I had an emergency gp appointment as I was having extreme anxiety. 5 days of having anxiety at a 9/10 with no let up. Not even for a minute. Not able to eat. Bit scary for me as someone in recovery from an ED.

For context I am a high achieving, perfectionist with generalised anxiety disorder.

i see a psychiatrist monthly but haven’t seen a gp in years.

The emergency gp was perfectly nice but we started discussing what therapies I’ve had. At one point the gp said something like “you can get better. You won’t get a husband a child tomorrow and it will take time but you can get there”. Excuse me WHAT. At no point had I mentioned that was what I am aiming for. It’s not. I’m looking for peace and self acceptance.

It hit a nerve cause when I turned 30 last year I did feel like I had let myself down by being single. I’m a conventionally attractive woman but have zero interest in dating so avoid it. I used to give myself a hard time for being avoidant when it came to dating.

But I’ve done A LOT of work and have definitely accepted I am on my own path and what will be will be. I can and will live a very fulfilling life as a single woman if that is what ends up happening. I’m not going to judge myself in relation to conventional timelines. I’ve actually found that to be really freeing.

I’m 31 now and certainly not pining for a husband and kids. What a weird assumption. I’ve seen my medical notes it does not mention anything about this. The GP really just took it upon herself to make this highly presumptive statement.

She’s a middle class, educated woman in her 40s and I think really missed the mark. Maybe if the go was from a different culture I could accept that she has different norms re what success for a woman looks like.

But I just was extremely offended. It took a lot of introspection to come to peace with being where I am.

This is really not the time and place to be questioning a poster’s need for a mental health appointment. You don’t know her. OP, ignore these silly comments.

How is it unrealistic to suggest that these things would not have been said to OP if she wasn’t a woman? I’d say it was eminently realistic.

But that’s CBT all over, going by my own experiences and things I have heard from others. Making out that the patient is the problem and just needs to stop being a silly billy.

OP,
Im not sure that it’s the best idea to start a thread on Mumsnet AIBU if you are experiencing extreme anxiety. Even posters who mean well may be saying the wrong kind of thing and making you feel worse - basically doing the same thing as the GP you are asking about. Throw in the fact that there may well be posters that don’t have your best interests at heart then AIBU is a dangerous place!

OP, would it make you feel any better if you let the doctor know that her comment upset you? It need not be an angry complaint, you could just let her know that she upset you. I’d ask people if they are going to have kids but plenty of people think it’s ok.

BTW Why do you think she said it? Do you think she intended to upset you? Do you think she genuinely believes that no one is complete unless they have a partner and child?

CBT does not make out that "the patient is the problem" so yes you do need to stop being a silly billy.

How not, when the patient is told that it is their own thinking that is causing the problem?

This is entirely the GPs issue not yours. It's a silly assumption and shows you she is narrow minded. If it were me I'd think 'silly bitch' and forget it, I think your emotional response seems a bit extreme and is probably your anxiety talking.

it's their own irrational thinking that's casing the problem. This is the very definition of a mental illness. It doesn't mean there is anything "wrong" with the patient, any more than there is something "wrong" with a cancer patient - they are both just illnesses that need to be treated.

I think YABU.

Obviously the GP hit a nerve for it to affect you so much.

Personally like above. I would have been bemused and just thought the GP was a little odd.

I think the fact that you took it to heart so much and are still reflecting on it is a little over the top personally.

Ugh too late to edit my own post but I meant to say I’d NEVER ask if someone was going to have kids etc

Maybe the GP was wondering if it linked to the OPs anxiety?

I don’t know - she didn’t say that in their post.

Anxiety alone is not an emergency

Anxiety can be driven by irrational biased thoughts that reside within the client OR it can be objectively rational and entirely substantiated by facts

There is always an understandable reason for the biased thinking

In this ABC situation the client is not the problem the client is having an emotional reaction to something that was insensitive and unprofessional- it actually happened

CBT would not blame the clients response.

op didn't miss the meaning. the Dr was very clear and op clearly understood her. as evidenced by the number of people on here agreeing the comment was not appropriate.

well yes it isn't a typical response to over think it so much, but op has anxiety and under professional mental health support. her thinking and feelings don't need to be typical for them to be valid, and the comment was inappropriate whether op laughs or off or dwells on it for a decade!

This but I think you are over thinking OP.
I hope you start to feel better soon

Well no I will call it out - we all know how hard it is to get GP appointments

The client has had CBT before apparently and they should refer back to the work they did then and use the techniques they learned or refer back to that service.

GPs have so little time to accurately assess MH issues compared to primary care MH services who can offer a much longer appointment to do so. Unless they OP was seeking medication review - which again is not an emergency

Its not helpful to view their anxiety as an emergency either as it’s a disproportional appraisal of what they are experiencing - which the OP has insight into re their reference to perfectionism etc.

But this is the whole problem imo - whether something is rational or not is a very subjective thing. I don’t consider OP’s reaction irrational.

This. These things need to be challenged.

Irrational thoughts are biased either perspectives or interpretatively speaking. Yes they are subjective and opinionated- often driven by biases.

Rational thoughts are based on facts that substantiate the thought.

OP has a rational/healthy response to an insensitive comment made by GP

The OPs anxiety may not be rational and I think the response to the GP comment and the anxiety are two different things that are getting conflated on this thread

Nope. Don’t believe you work in mental health or anywhere near it.

This comment might be appropriate if we were talking about a random kind stranger, but this is a frontline medical professional dealing with a mentally fragile patient. It’s a serious error of judgement and it should, at the very least, be brought to her attention how inappropriate it was.

You are the age group where being single starts to become an issue so probably thought you had already entered that cycle and you have stayed you had those feelings.

Fair comment...

Wow your views are wrong as well as dangerous.

My cousin killed himself because he was experiencing prolonged and intense anxiety. Anxiety in the extreme IS absolutely an emergency.

OP hadn’t eaten for 5 days and was experiencing 9/10 anxiety. That is not normal or safe.

Shame on you for espousing such nonsense.

Work in mental health my arse.

and where exactly has OP stated she has had CBT?