To be really offended by what gp said?

[Moivoi]

I had an emergency gp appointment as I was having extreme anxiety. 5 days of having anxiety at a 9/10 with no let up. Not even for a minute. Not able to eat. Bit scary for me as someone in recovery from an ED.

For context I am a high achieving, perfectionist with generalised anxiety disorder.

i see a psychiatrist monthly but haven’t seen a gp in years.

The emergency gp was perfectly nice but we started discussing what therapies I’ve had. At one point the gp said something like “you can get better. You won’t get a husband a child tomorrow and it will take time but you can get there”. Excuse me WHAT. At no point had I mentioned that was what I am aiming for. It’s not. I’m looking for peace and self acceptance.

It hit a nerve cause when I turned 30 last year I did feel like I had let myself down by being single. I’m a conventionally attractive woman but have zero interest in dating so avoid it. I used to give myself a hard time for being avoidant when it came to dating.

But I’ve done A LOT of work and have definitely accepted I am on my own path and what will be will be. I can and will live a very fulfilling life as a single woman if that is what ends up happening. I’m not going to judge myself in relation to conventional timelines. I’ve actually found that to be really freeing.

I’m 31 now and certainly not pining for a husband and kids. What a weird assumption. I’ve seen my medical notes it does not mention anything about this. The GP really just took it upon herself to make this highly presumptive statement.

She’s a middle class, educated woman in her 40s and I think really missed the mark. Maybe if the go was from a different culture I could accept that she has different norms re what success for a woman looks like.

But I just was extremely offended. It took a lot of introspection to come to peace with being where I am.

Are you sure she wasn’t just saying rhome wasn’t built in a day? But used you won’t get a husband and child all tomorrow, it will take time…. Bad metaphor for you will get better but it will take time?
I think that’s how I would have taken it.

It was a crap thing for the GP to say and I wouldn’t blame anyone for being pissed off about it. But as others have said, the intensity of your response might also be about what you’re going through with your mental health.

I do feel for GPs when it comes to interacting with patients. It’s a very odd, formalised kind of intimacy - ten minutes to hear about a stranger’s genitalia/mental health/bowel issues/emotional overwhelm/terminal illness, say exactly the right things, elicit exactly the right information, choose exactly the right medical course, make exactly the right signposting decisions, do the paperwork, and all the while try to be supportive and appropriate without overstepping. And then on to the next person 15 minutes later. And if you get any of these things wrong you risk a serious complaint. It’s a tough job description.

Really? Do you have an understanding of what debilitating anxiety is?

This
And I would not have hesitated to ask.
If it helps you why not consider writing to the surgery manager explaining that you found the comment inappropriate and suggest that the GP concerned takes a refresher course in Equality, Diversity & Inclusion. Regardless of the Gp’s personal background/ethnicity/beliefs, she has totally missed the goal on this.

Eh?? How?

Yes, definitely an odd thing to say. You have the option of complaining of course, or you could reframe it as how embarrassing for the GP, she was probably thinking afterwards why the * did I say that! Only you can decide what you would like to do next. Hope the meds have helped x

I was about to ask the same question. It sounds as though the GP has maybe picked up on something in OP’s records - maybe reports on previous therapy where something similar has been discussed or mentioned. It doesn’t sound like something the GP would have just picked out of the air, it sounds relevant in some way.

Have you not considered that there may be something in OP’s records which is relevant to the comment ? You don’t just pick something like this out of the air - it sounds relevant. Possibly mentioned in previous therapy, or maybe just touched on and the GP has attached more importance to it than merited.

She obviously meant whatever your goals are it wont be instant.

Jesus wept. Tell me you have no experience of mental health issues without telling me……

One of the first things you are asked on reporting any kind of mental health issue is whether you have any thoughts of self harm/harming others or taking your own life. You are asked about any support systems you have in place and whether there is anyone who presents any kind of threat or fear for you. Treatment/therapy isn’t usually immediately available so you are given phone numbers and other contact details of organisations who can help in an emergency in the meantime. Those who are in the system and being treated are also provided with the means to access emergency help in a crisis, but like everything else, provision is patchy because the system is over subscribed..

Anxiety/depression don’t present as stable conditions and no two people are affected in the same way. When you reach crisis point self harm/risk to others or even suicide become very real possibilities and the absolute priority is ensuring help is available during such times. That’s the reality for many people and obtaining emergency help can be the difference between life and death.

For goodness sake, do you really think that is the best use of a GPs time after making just a slightly clumsy statement?

I think GPs in general are not great with mental health issues isseues. Also they do tend to stereotype and try to fit everyone into a mold. Obviously a single woman pines for husband and children. #notallgps

I'm overweight and healthcare professional was determined to give me generic advice. Didn't ask me a single question and made tons of suggestions that were totally inappropriate for me. Didn't fit the mold of the patients she usually see so no desire to deviate.

Okay so it’s fine for me to unprompted say stuff like “yeah you won’t be a size 10 instantly but with hard work you can get there”. Of course not. Unless someone is actively telling you that they are unhappy because they aren’t married or have a family, you do not presume that this is their ultimate goal in life.

I’m so sorry.

Can you not just let it go?

She got it wrong but I don't see what's so offensive about it whether it's what you're aiming for or not. It's a normal thing for many people to want (and something it sounds like you did want for a few years) and an easy proxy for generalised life goals.

She sounds like a bit of a clumsy GP. They exist. Many are fantastic but there are some who are great at understanding science but actually crap at reading people or situations generally, and who probably shouldnt be GPs. We've all met them unfortunately.

"Ellis believes that it is not the activating event ( A ) that causes negative emotional and behavioral consequences ( C ) but rather that a person interprets these events unrealistically and therefore has an irrational belief system ( B ) that helps cause the consequences ( C )."

In this thread:

(A) the activating event is the GP comment
(B) the belief system "I don't want a partner/children"
(C) The consequences are the OP gets emotional, starts a thread on mumsnet, etc.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

Yes actually, and what constructive pearls of wisdom do you have to offer to the OP?

Well done poster. Absolutely.

Yes thanks I work in mental health

Anxiety is not an emergency

I agree it can be severe and debilitating but does not warrant an emergency appointment unless they were at risk of harming themselves there is no emergency

The GP comment was wholly insensitive

You have no idea how hard this person has worked to get this far. Suggesting that she clearly hasn't got that far because they feel upset at an inappropriate and unhelpful comment from a health care professional is just wildly off. Well done OP for the work. It sounds like your current goals are superbly sensible. May I wish you every possible happiness on your quest to find peace.

At one point the gp said something like “you can get better. You won’t get a husband a child tomorrow and it will take time but you can get there”

If anyone, let alone a GP, said this to me, unsolicited, I would rip them a new one. Seriously.....complain to as many people as you can, if the comment was made with no leading question from you.

How the fuck do you know she wasn’t at risk of harming herself? I doubt you work in mental health and if you do, you really shouldn’t if you have the view that anxiety is never an emergency.

Really? REALLY? Fuck me. Have a word with yourself (did you see what I did there?🤣)

But seriously.....your knowledge of extreme anxiety must be zero

I think her comment is really rude and personal (and presumptuous!) so I’m not surprised you’re miffed. Few people want to get into a disagreement with their GP so I understand you not saying anything and silently wondering if what she said was ok, but it really wasn’t.