To dislike my mil despite not wanting to dislike her?

[retun]

It’s exhausting. I don’t want to dislike her, but I’m prone to rumination and after she’s said something stupid for the hundredth time I end up thinking about it nonstop.

I’d really like to be able to ignore her existence entirely, except for the times when I actually have to socialise with her.

Her latest comment was regarding my tipple of choice and how I ‘can put it away’. I do tend to drink more when in her company, funny that!

You know your issue is with rumination. That's on you to fix. She just happend to be a catalyst

She’s the main catalyst for sure. Always making horrible comments.

Can you give an example of her horrible comments because you haven't really so far?

You drink more alcohol than usual around her, you say so yourself.

She's just stating the obvious.

Saying you can put if away isn't really a horrible comment. Are you sure she is making horrible comments and it's not just you looking for something to be annoyed about?

Which is very rude of her!!

Maybe you've just hit your bitch eating crackers point where her just eating crackers would annoy you.

Yes it is

No, saying out loud what someone is actually doing isn't rude.

I don't like your MiL OP. Don't bother trying to like her, she's rude and judgemental. Just chuckle inwardly and take the pressure off yourself.

See so little of her she ceases to matter.
Its most effective.

Of course “you can put it away” is unpleasant. It’s a bitchy little swipe, just innocuous enough to make OP look like the unreasonable one if she reacts. People like this are very good at calibrating their comments so they can make the target feel belittled and uncomfortable, but avoid any actual confrontation. Your instincts are fine OP, she is indeed a bit of a cow. You’ll get gaslit on MN by the “I can’t see it, you’re being oversensitive” brigade though.

In a nasty way, she doesn’t really need to say anything at all.

If I have learned one thing by getting older it's that often people comment without thinking, or say something just to have something to say. Just ignore her and try not to ruminate.

OP, I get it. My MIL is very hard work. I stopped trying to force myself to like her years ago, because I've realised it's pointless. I can't help how I feel, and she's certainly not going to change. So we have a polite (on my side anyway) but distant relationship and although in an ideal world it would be nice if we were genuinely close, it's not going to happen.

After a decade of it, I’m sure this is a massive factor!

Honestly I hate even thinking about it all. I genuinely wish I could just ignore completely.

At a dinner one time, fil commented that I’d lost weight or something like that. I said thanks and that I’d been doing intermittent fasting. She said something like ‘do you have a weight problem then?’

I think I laughed awkwardly and ended up looking away/down at the table. I should have at least said ‘huh?’ and made her have to say it again.

I don’t even remotely have a weight problem either, I’m a size 10/12, 9.5 stone.

I try this throughout the year, unfortunately I’m shoved into her company at Christmas time

You just don’t get on. It’s unrealistic for two random women from different generations to get on seamlessly just because one married the others son. Just get on with your life and bite back with something every time.

I was drinking my second glass. Hardly ridiculous amount. She just likes putting me down but it’s all a ‘joke’

Bite back OP. 🙂

I always think of things to say after the fact. Despite it happening regularly I still find it shocking.

Sounds exactly like my MIL. Constant irritating passive aggressive comments. So after 15 years I went NC with her. DH can deal with her. I highly recommend

Ask 'Why do you say that, MIL?' each time.

I need to remember to say this. Every single time.